Wednesday, November 22,

2000When I was in junior high school my mother remarried. The first holiday we had as a new family was Thanksgiving. All of my stepfather's family was invited, including his elderly mother and father. I'm not sure what happened, but his father had a hook for a hand. As we sit down to dinner he reaches for a beer and punches a hole in the side of the can. Not wanting to waste the beer, his wife proceeds to drink the beer from the whole in the side of the can - right there at the dinner table. To this day my sister and I laugh when we think about this 75 year old woman shot gunning a beer at Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 22, 2000

Here is a disgusting but true Thanksgiving story.
About 10 years ago, we were sitting around the Thanksgiving dinner table. My sister was there with here 10 mo. old baby and her new boyfriend. My niece (the baby) was happy and full after just getting her bottle. During the meal she got a little fussy, so the new boyfriend picked her up and started playing with her at the table. He was holding her up in the air above his head when it happened. Apparently the playing shook her up a little too much and she sent out a stream of projectile vomit worthy of Linda Blair. This nauseating event sent spew all over the Thanksgiving dinner. Meal over.....

Wednesday, November 22, 2000

I live in South Florida, West Palm Beach where idiots can't figure out to vote but know where to find every .30 off coupon for Dennys is. Two years ago we were having Thanksgiving at my mother-in-laws. My 4 year old son was playing in the corner by himself very content and quiet. We called everyone for dinner and my son jumped up on his chair and plopped a large 12" dildo onto the table. The device was bright pink and molded to resemble the male body part. The controls were in the handle so when he banged it on the table the thing came alive. It started doing this twisting motion on the table to my son's delight. It started wriggling across the table knocking over the gravy boat. My mother-in-law walked in, She calmly placed a towel over it and removed it back to her bedroom where my son had found it. She would not unlock her door for the next three hours. My wife and her daughters were trying to comfort her while myself and the other son-in-laws were laughing and bragging about comparisons.

Tuesday, November 21, 2000

Dear Bob and Tom, You guys rock... I had an awful Thanksgiving a few years ago when we went to my grandmothers house. She was acting very strange and wouldn't let anyone except Grandpa in the kitchen with her. When we all sat down to eat she brought out a large plate of meat that we all asumed was Turkey. But, as we ate we kept finding all these odd shaped bones and we knew this had been no bird.

When we asked grandma what the meat was she left the room and returned with a nature book. She opened it up to a page with a sea turtle on it. She and Grandpa had picked one up on their last trip to the coast. That was the end of dinner, and we never had another one at her house.

Tuesday, November 21, 2000

Dear Bob and Tom, I was listening to your show yesterday about "disgruntled" Thanksgiving stories. I wanted to share mine. About 6 years ago at a family dinner my cousin Jimmy decided to announce he was gay. He stood up, gave a toast and announced he was gay - everybody just nodded and smiled and finished dinner. Not another word was said about his announcement.

Once we got in the car to go home, my 6 year old brother Andy asked "What does Gay mean?" My parents, not wanting this to be a car discussion said they would talk to him about it when we arrived home. He would not wait for his answer and kept on asking. Finally, after about 5 minutes my 15 year old brother Dan decided he was going to answer Andy and blurted out "IT MEANS HE LIKES DICK!" For some reason this answer was good enough for Andy and not another word was said . . . until Thanksgiving.

You see, on Thanksgiving it is sort of a tradition (once the turkey is carved) to go around the table and tell weather you want light or dark meat Well, seeing that my grandmother had cooked the turkey "innards" and saved them on a plate to do who knows what, Andy the 6 year old grabbed the cooked turkey neck and said "Here Jimmy! I know what gay means and we saved the Dick for you!"

- A listener in Tennessee

Tuesday, November 21, 2000

After Thanksgiving dinner , the grandparents, dad and myself were sitting around the TV , while mom and my aunt were doing the dishes. My younger brother (middle child syndrome and wannabee "pot head") was up in his room ignoring the family , when my little sister came in from playing outside (about 9 years old). In her hands, dangling from a wrapped torn tee-shirt was my brothers bong ( clear plastic about 2 foot long) and she asked "Daddy, What is this?". As I sank deep down in my chair, my father looked up from the table where he was doing a jigsaw puzzle and replied '"OH thats a hummingbird feeder!

Tuesday, November 21, 2000

Dear bob and tom
You guys rock...
here is a twisted holiday... i was having thanksgiving dinner with my father's side of the family and since I think all of my family members are nothing but money grubbing hipocrits it makes my holidays that much more fun.... I am a convicted felon for credit card theft. In the middle of our annual family bickering I said that I was thankful for stealing over 3,000 dollars from my father's business and not getting caught... my father who is the chief of police in the town I live in was stunned as were the rest of my family... needless to say I haven' talked to my father since I was released from prison.... sadly this is the best thanksgiving I have ever had... Steve

Tuesday, November 21, 2000

Dear Bob & Tom: Several years ago I was invited to my Uncle Mike's (the pain in the ass Uncle) to have dinner, the only reason I went was because my grandparents were over & I had not seen them in a year. So everything was fine until dessert & my aunt made us say what we were thankfull for when it got to my Uncle's turn he said he was thankfull for the dream he had that Brigam Young, John Smith & Christ himself said "he would be the next messiah to Walk the earth" I nearly spit my pumpkin pie across the table. At that time I excused myself & ran to the door where my Grandpa grabbed me & as he hugged me he begged me to take him with me. Love your show Wendell P.S. Chick don't take Bob's or Tom's crap.

Tuesday, November 21, 2000

Hello Bob and Tom,
You guys rock.
I would like to tell you about a Thanksgiving my family attended 2 years ago. We were invited as guests by one of my mother's old good friends house. She was a lonely old woman, who of course, took companionship with felines. And not just one or two, dozens... We tried to overlook this, and in fact, was completely distracted from it, by the shock that was about to be brought upon us.

She brought the turkey out wearing nothing but some black lingerie. And rest assured, she wasn't exactly flattering in her festive clothing. Just try to imagine your grandmother in some Victoria Secret, and you will get the picture. While trying not to laugh or start crying, we ate our dinner as quickly as possible, all the while attempting to keep cats from jumping on the table to share in the wonderful bounty. For some reason, we got tired really fast after eating that meal, and exited hastily. The past two years, her invitation for dinner has gone straight into the trash...

Tuesday, November 21, 2000

I have been an ER nurse for 24 years and I must say that from my perspective,the holidaze consist of getting wasted ,telling each other what you really think of one another and then BEATING THE LIVING BLEEP OUT OF EACH OTHER.We see more domestics,suicide attempts,depression and homicide during the season.Happy Holidaze!!

Tuesday, November 21, 2000

Years ago, when my son was young, we referred to his private parts by various nicknames. A few days before Thanksgiving, my son asked me what it was really called. And I told him. And nothing more was said about the matter. At Thanksgiving dinner at my inlaws' as we were gathered around the table eating, my son, in a loud voice, announced, "I have a penis!" I thought my father-in-law was going to spew his food all over the table. By the way, you guys are rocks.

Tuesday, November 21, 2000

Dudes You ROCK!! About four years ago when my wife was breast feeding my daughter she had some booby milk stored in the fridge, my family (JERKS and BITCHES) were at my house for Thanksgiving and I inadvertently served the B milk instead of cream for coffee! This minor mistake ( I like the stuff!!) was not discovered until later that night at which time the wife and I laughed our asses off !!