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"Oral sex and regular sex are not the same. That's why they've
got different prices."
- Keith Alberstadt
"Dog unemployment is one of those things that's just swept
under the carpet."
- Tom Griswold
"I bet a lot of things take these girls by surprise, like gravity
and daylight."
- Chick McGee on the SI Model hopefuls surprised by a swimsuit
competition
" I Live by a code, but we don't have time to review it."
- Tom Griswold
" When a dog humps your leg, it's kind of an insult. Because out
of everyone at the party, he looks at your and thinks 'I think
I've got a shot with that guy'."
- Larry the Cable Guy
" When I smoked, I hated non smokers. Now that I've quite, I have
balance. I hate everybody."
- Pat Dixon
"Singing is praying times two."
- Tim Cavanagh
"I don't know why people video tape sex because after I
have sex, the only thing I can think of is that I'm glad nobody
saw
that."
- Mike Birbiglia
"I take it back, Kristi, the fez is a really stupid hat."
-
Tom Griswold after stating that the fez might have some practical
uses
"You just can't say no to Clint Black."
- Vic Henley
"
Like Chick often tells me when I'm crying at the vending machine,
don't take what Tom says seriously."
- Kristi Lee to Tammy Pescatelli after Tom said she looked
like a truck driver
"I want to invent no-scent soap, for the woman who cares
about the family of the guy she's messing around with."
- Corey Holcomb
"If you see a guy on pay phone, he's having an affair."
- Chick McGee
"I like to think of my body as a temple... or at least a nice
prespaterian youth center."
- Emo Phillips
" Lawyers have ruined Christmas."
- Bob Kevoian
" If a bicycle can make a man important then how do you explain
1 billion Chinese people."
- Chris Speyrer
on how you can't believe everything you read
" I don't know why I even turned your mic on today."
- Bob Kevoian to Chick McGee
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