THE BOB & TOM SHOW

w w w . b o b a n d t o m . c o m

January 19 - 23 2004

The Ha Brothers' Peter Berman
When Peter Berman learned in college that he could get money just by making people laugh, he decided that standup comedy was the career for him. From his humble beginnings at the University of Michigan, Berman developed an act that would later earn him the tile The Funniest College Student in America. Though his first television experience was as a losing contestant on the MTV game show Remote Control, he was able to recover from this defeat and go on to greater things like being featured on VH-1, Comedy Central and A&E, and going on to host NBC’s Friday Night. Currently, Berman is a part of The Ha Brothers comedy team, a group of three national touring headliners that have decided to bring big time comedy to smaller markets.

The Cat in the Hat
Comedian James Stephens III considers himself more of a one-man show than he does a standup comic. It’s hard to argue with this self-proclamation when you consider he’s a comedian/ actor/ impressionist/ musician who mixes the best of each. Thus, making each performance a unique experience for every audience. Once a practicing attorney, Stephens decided he’d rather spend his life entertaining the masses instead of suing them. His dead on impressions include Garth Brooks, Ray Charles, Elvis, Kermit the Frog, Lionel Richie, Snoop Dogg, Randy Travis, Nat King Cole, and many others.

Comedy Veteran Diane Ford
When a comedian wins seven out of 11 total nominations for "Best Standup Female Comedian" from the American Comedy Awards, it's safe bet that they're going to be funny. To call 20-year standup veteran Diane Ford a recognized comedic talent would be an understatement; because along with headlining comedy clubs across the country, Ford has television credits that include three HBO performances (Women of the Night, One Night Stand, and Command Performance), as well as a resume full of appearances on Showtime, Comedy Central, and FOX. Ford exhibits a dangerous and decidedly opinionated style that can catch both men and women off guard. With a conversational yet rhythmic delivery that borders on the edge of dirty, Diane takes on everything from daily life as a woman to the the steamier side of relationships.

Dan Kaufman - Esquire/Comic
A lawyer walks into a bar, and after pounding a few beers decides to become a standup comedian. This may sounds like the opening to a bad joke, but it's actually the story of comedian Dan Kaufman… give or take a few important facts. Once upon a time Kaufman was a successful attorney, but that all changed once he decided he no longer wanted to do any kind of actual work to make a living. Soon after, Kaufman left the courtroom and followed his dream of performing in front of a crowd that didn't have to deliberate after each show. Now, dressed a bit more casually than in his former profession, Dan delivers his thought-provoking, smart and edgy comedy act in clubs and colleges across the country. Kaufman convinced us it would be wise to include all those adjectives in this paragraph, otherwise legal action could be taken.

FACTOID - Dan Kaufman is also an extremely talented artist and portrait painter.

The NFL Song:
Super Bowl Edition
The stage is set, the teams are ready, and the entire country is waiting in anticipation of the biggest game of the year! It's time for the Super Bowl (after the lame bye week, that is) where the New England Patriots and Carolina Panthers will square off in hopes of winning one of the most prestigious prizes in sports. The Pats are very familiar with this situation having been here two years ago but this is all new territory for the relatively young Panthers franchise. In fact, this is only the second time the Panthers have ever made the post season. Both teams poses stellar D's that were able to shut down their potent offensive competition in the Conference Championship games. Though this may turn out to be a low scoring, and some may say boring, Super Bowl, there are always the commercials to look forward too. So if you're one of those people that only watches one game every season, you've got a lot of catching up to do if you want the big one to make any sense. And what better way to find out what's been going on all season, or at least last week, than with Duke Tumatoe's popular, bluesy musical review, The NFL Song.

Sure Chick McGee is a Sex Symbol, But Can He Play the Piano?
Have you ever wanted to be able to play a musical instrument, but didn’t want to put the time and effort into learning it. If you are really that lazy and unmotivated (like Chick) but still have big dreams of entertaining friends and family with some sort of talent, then you need the help of Scott “The Piano Guy” Houston. Houston has developed a system where one can learn the piano in just hours. This program, Play Piano in a Flash, is a half-day workshop (really only about 3.5 hours) for adults who want to learn the piano or keyboard. Does it really work? We’re going to find out when Scott comes to the studio to test his methods on Sports aficionado Chick McGee. Sure, he’s taught thousands of other first timers how to play the songs they’ve always dreamed about, but if he can teach the Chickster (who couldn’t pick a piano out of a lineup) how to carry a tune, then we’ll truly be believers.

Two Jokes For the
Laughs of One
After a seven day rest, comedian Bob Zany is poised to return to do what it is he does best, The Zany Report. Though he's often denied the laughs his jokes truly deserve, Bob hasn't given up his personal mission to deliver a Report that requires zero fixing, and gets everyone in the studio to laugh... at least once. As a safeguard, just incase this week's report doesn't live up to his dream, there's always "Fix-the-Joke, Baby" and the "Bing Crosby Joke of the Week" to save the segment... because everything is funnier when there are prizes involved.

January 12 - 16
Program Notes

"A tattoo is something you really don't want to critique once it's finished."
- Peter Berman

"I would have jumped on that."
- Kristi Lee on JFK

"Golf is a lot like masturbation for me because if I get my ball on the green I climax a little."
- Diane Ford

"Who decided to put the work machine and the porn machine in the same box?"
- Dan Kaufman on the many uses of computers

"The smaller the penis, the bigger the wad."
- Tom Griswold on carry big wads of cash.

"This old backdoor don't swing no more."
- Kristi Lee on her new show 'Happy Action Backdoor Fun Time'

"I think Chick's blues name should be Blind Jack Offenhiemer."
- Bob Kevoian

"Those fertility tests I had to go through weren't fair because I have very smart sperm, they just don't test very well."
- Dan St. Paul

"I let out my aggression by killing drifters."
- Chick McGee

"I'm not here for comedy, this is an intervention."
- Vince Morris on Tom's clutter problem

"If I was going to get a tattoo on my penis, I think it would be of a bigger penis."
- Tom Simmons

"If Pete Rose doesn't make it in to the Hall of Fame, I think he's going to go to Vegas and have his apology annulled."
- Bill Scheft

"I've never done anything to a man that I haven't done to a woman."
- Drew Hastings