Jokes
Audio clips
Events link Archives link Frequently asked questions link

w w w . b o b a n d t o m . c o m           

January 21 - 25, 2007

Friday

Sharp Dressed Man
Longtime friend of the show (and probably our best dressed guest) Ralph Harris had quite a year last year. Not only did he finish in the top five on the NBC reality TV comedy competition Last Comic Standing, he was also one of the featured performers in the BOB&TOM Comedy Central special that aired in September. But Ralph is no stranger to television, he's A Tonight Show veteran and has also been seen on HBO specials and on the sitcom Seinfeld where he played a delivery guy named, uh, Ralph. Now he's just hopping he can continue this streak of success into 2008.

 

The Civil Engineer
Former civil engineer Jeff Caldwell is known to people far and wide as a clean, clever comedian with one of the brightest standup acts around. From the daily news to the daily grind, Caldwell covers a variety of subjects with a dry delivery and sharp wit. It doesn’t matter whether he’s on stage, at a corporate gig or on television, Caldwell has the ability to bring audiences to tears, and we mean that in the good way. Recently Jeff was featured on The Late Show with David Letterman and did so well they're already talkinb about having him back. He also released a brand new CD, I'm No Epidemiologist, which is available now at The BOB&TOM online store!

 

Hey Tommy!
Tommy Savitt is a professional actor/writer/comedian, and according to our sources, he’s excelling at all three. Having headlined clubs all over the country, he’s proven he can charm and entertain an audience with his comedy. And his dozen or more commercial roles show that his acting is good enough to be put on display in front of a national television audience. We don’t know much about his writings, but if he wrote the bio on his website, it looked just fine, even if wasn’t much on the revealing side. That just means you'll have to listen to him on the show if you want to find out more

 

We Want Morrissey
After playing college basketball for four years, there were only two things that Paul Morrissey wanted to do for a living, play in the NBA or be a TV sports analyst.  It turns out, he wasn’t a good fit for either of those two professions.  And though he never even got a shot at the pros, he was hired for a short time as a local sports guy, but soon found out he was too much of a smart-ass for TV.  It was this sharp wit that eventually lead him down the path of stand-up comedy where he soon found himself headlining clubs all across the country and making appearances on The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson.  In other news, Paul recently released his first comedy CD, Good Seats Still Available. 

 

Another Heywood Surprise Visit
It's been 20 years since Heywood Banks made his first appearance on the show, and he's been a fixture ever since., From his first hits like Toast and Flies Eyes to his more recent classics like Trauma to the Groin and Big Butter Jesus, Heywood has appeared on almost every B&T album and is one of our most frequent guests. Armed with his ever-tuned guitar, and an adequate grasp of his hysterical lyrics, Heywood will be joining us in the studio to sing a few of these classic songs, and who knows, he might even have a new one. Heywood also just released the brand new album, Big Butter, which is available with all his other CDs at comedyhome.com

 
Monday on BOB and TOM
Divider

Alabama Man
Roy Wood, Jr. knew he was dedicated to stand-up comedy when he basically flunked out of a semester of college in order to emcee at a comedy club the week of his final exams. Though it may not have sounded like a bright idea at the time, his calculated risk has paid off. Wood has since become a regular writer for a number of radio stations in the Birmingham, AL area, was a semi-finalist on Star Search and has become known for his mastery of the art of prank calls. In fact, Roy has released two prank call CD's over the years, My Momma Made Me Wear This and Confessions of a High School Bench Warmer. Roy was featured as part of the first BOB&TOM Comedy Central special, and often takes part on the Friends of the BOB&TOM Show Comedy Tour.

 

The Wrath of Aug
The ranting, raving comedian from Montana, Auggie Smith is heading back to the studio and you'd better believe he's coming in with his comedy guns blazing. Because Aug finds his material in the absurdities of everyday life, he's never had a problem finding new targets on which to take aim. And though his rants often focus on broad topics like politics, relationships and society, that doesn't mean he can't narrow the scope of his joke canon and go off on the guy driving in front of him with a bumper sticker he doesn't like. Be warned, if you listen to Smith's ranting long enough, you too will find yourself following "The Word of Aug."

 

Barnhart to Heart
Standup comedian Don Barnhart was one of the first ever graduates of the Second City Conservatory in Los Angeles. Since earning his diploma (we're assuming you you do in fact get a diploma), he’s built a career touring the world, headlining comedy clubs over 200 nights a year and dispensing his brand of physical facial expressions, witty, off-the-wall observations and upbeat, fast paced, improvisational comedy. In addition to his work on stage, Barnhart is also an accomplished actor and director. Along with a couple of national commercial spots, Barnhart also recently wrote, starred and directed the movie China Dolls. He's also been seen in the films Species, In the Army Now and Apollo 13.

 

John "Bang !Bang! Bang! Bang!" Witherspoon
Though many actors in Hollywood do their best to avoid being typecast, comedian John Witherspoon has made a living doing just the opposite.  Known as one of the funniest dads in movies, Witherspoon has forged a career playing the wacky and scene-stealing father in a number of hit films including the Friday trilogy, House Party, Boomerang, Little Nicky and I’m Gonna Git You Sucka.   Witherspoon’s acting work can be traced back to such TV classics as WKRP in Cincinnati and Barnaby Jones, but somehow he’s been able to remain relevant in a town that’s always focused on finding the next best thing.  Not just an actor, John Witherspoon is an accomplished standup comic who can make you laugh with nothing more than a look, or his catchphrase “Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!”

 

Pursuing Happiness
The old adage in comedy has always been ‘write what you know.’  For comedian Michael Palascak, early in his career those topics include living at home, dorm life, donuts and intramural flag football.  Fortunately for audiences everywhere, he’s matured (a little) and has since broadened his experiences to include a lot of the little things that we can all laugh at.  And if that still doesn’t work, he’s always got his likeability and innocent persona to fall back on.  Michael has won a number of comedy competitions including the HBO Lucky 21 Festival, the Comedy Central Open Mic Fight and the 2007 Sierra Mist Zanies Taste of Chicago Comedy Search. 

 

The Biggest Name in Comedy
If the name didn't tip you off, comedian Costaki Economopoulos comes from a Greek background, which is why it's not surprising he's been described as a “joke philosopher.” And we're positive he's not the only one saying that. Known for his clever writing, Costaki's punch lines have been heard on
The Tonight Show, BET, and MTV. In other news, Costaki is featured twice on the new BOB&TOM album We Just Landed with his Economonologue and is dating the beautiful and funny comedienne, Caroline Rhea.

JORDAN WARD illustration

 

The NFL Song
Super Bowl Edition

After three crazy weeks and a number of high-profile upsets, we're down to just two teams in the NFL Playoffs, which means it's Super Bowl time. XLII is set and this year the big game with feature the perfection seeking Patriots and the suddenly red-hot Giants. This is the fourth Super Bowl for Tom Brady, and the second in a row to feature a Manning (only this time its Eli, not Peyton.) There are a lot of other storylines going into the game, but we'll let Duke Tumatoe fill you in on the rest with The NFL Song.

JORDAN WARD illustration

 
Tuesday

Brian Regan
Standing Up

When Brian Regan got his first comedy club gig, he was much more than a comedian, he was also a busboy, dishwasher, and cook. On more than one occasion, he would have to wrap up a set in order to head back to the kitchen to flip burgers for the crowd he’d just been cracking up. Eventually he became a better comic than a cook, and was able to take his act on the road, minus the apron. Since then, Brian has become one of the premier standup acts around, and continuously pops up all over television with appearances on Conan, Letterman, MTV's Comedy Half-Hour and specials on both Comedy Central and Showtime.

 

You've Heard Words to Remember...
Tim Bedore has been a weekly Wednesday fixture on the show with his Vague But True editorials, which is why we're so eager to find out what his first installment of 2008 will be about. Over the past few years, these musings have helped us learn a lot about Tim, including his daughter's relationship with their dog Lexie and the speech he would have given if universities had asked him to talk to their graduates. But no matter the topic, we're happy he'll be reporting on it from his new home up north, where the introverts stare at their shoes and the extroverts stare at your shoes.

 

And Now Bob Zany
It's time again for that fabulous feature, The Zany Report, as brought to you each week by Bob Zany. This man of comedic courage runs the comedy gauntlet every Tuesday, hoping that his report will lead to roaring laughter throughout the studio. And though he normally falls just a bit short, this legendary talent refuses to give up or give in. Also, one lucky fan will attempt to improve a Zany punchline by playing Fix The Joke, Baby (live) where they can win a boatload of prizes including a one-year BOB&TOM VIP membership, a couple of ultra cool T-shirts and a whole lot more!

 

Roasting History
If an event of any importance has happened in the past, chances are comedian Scott Dunn can write a joke about it.  Well, not just a joke, an entire routine to be exact.  How can we make such a bold statement?  We have the proof.  Scott has spent the past year calling in to the show every Monday to give us a little history lesson, with a twist. These lessons aren’t boring and stuffy like when your grandpa rambles on about his youth.  No, these tales from times past are chock-full of jokes, laughs and even a few actual historical tidbits you might be able to use in a trivia game down the road.

 
 


"The only professions where people prefer someone with little experience are politics and prostitution."
- Scott Dunn

"As a liberal, it pains me to say this, but when is America finally going to wake up and realize that tigers hate gay people."
- Auggie Smith on the recent tiger attacks and Sigfreid and Roy.

"In Asia, the name Ty means 'creativity.' In America it means 'not hiring.'"
- Ty Barnett

"Why would I lie to you, we're not married?"
- Ross Bennett to Bob Kevoian

"My biggest fear about voting is getting trapped in the booth."
- Jamie Lissow

"This is like a think-tank of nothing."
- Tammy Pescatelli on The BOB&TOM Show

"Are we on the air or are these practice shows we're doing?"
- Chick McGee

"I've come across a fecal monument or two."
- Tom Griswold on the stains on shopping carts

"Kristi Lee Love You Long Time."
- Possible slogan for Kristi Lee in 2008

"Never play flag football in the nude."
- Bob Kevoian

"Whore's gotta eat too."
- Kristi Lee after hearing the story of the prostitute at Thanksgiving dinner

"I'm the boy in the bubble without the bubble."
- Jimmy Pardo on his multiple allergies

"Instruction manuals are nothing more than another man's opinion."
- Chick McGee

"Kids to me are like ghosts. I'm not afraid of them, but I don't want to move into a building that has them."
- Auggie Smith

"My ex-wife told me she wanted a divorce because she'd lost the tingle. I don't know what a tingle is, but it's equivalent to one house."
- Emo Philips

"If you start with it in there, it's okay."
- Bob Kevoian explaining how a thong is different than a wedgies

"I have a gorgeous taint."
- Chick McGee

"Her favorite recording artist is Tomas Edison."
- Bob Kevoian to Granny during the Shoe-In of the Week.

"I'm not going to get an operation on my johnson just because some e-mail keeps suggesting it. But my wife just keeps sending it."
- Nathan Trenholm

"Every project my dad worked on started with 'I can do it' and ended with 'nobody's gonna see that'."
- Andres Fernandez

"How low have you sank when you are going to Greg Hahn for relationship advice."
- Orny Adams to Kristi Lee

"Didn't we leave Tuna Town and move to cookoo-ville?"
- Tom Griswold on Anne Heche

"Now on sale we've got the OJ Simpson 'Find the Real Killer' Mirror. Is it magic or just common sense."
- Billy Mayzing with a new crop of amazing products

"When I'm 80 years old, just sign me up for a nice bowl movement."
-Tom Griswold on Hef and getting older

"My dog will talk your ear off if you let him."
- Dan Grueter on giving his dog a redneck voice

"They show too many commercials at the movies. That's the biggest crime in the world."
- Bob Kevoian

"The only difference between southern sodomy and prison rape is their taste in music."
- Tom Griswold

"I bet gay guys have sex all the time because there aren't any women to tell them no."
- Larry Reeb

"My to-do list consists of women's names and drugs."
- Shane Mauss

"Joe Theismann won't be here for another four hours so you may want to hold off on taking that Viagra."
- Tom Griswold to Chick McGee

"Ladies, if you don't want to date a drunk, don't go shopping at the drunk store."
- Shane Mauss on women picking up men in bars

"If I stopped drinking scotch, Johnny Walker would have to get rid of one of their trucks."
- Ron White

"Are you at all self sufficient?"
- Tom Griswold to Ron White

"I played basketball in highschool and they used to call me the mailman. Not because I was good, but because I used to shoot up the locker room after a bad loss."
- Rob Haney

"I like the WNBA. There is nothing like a two-hour layup drill."
- John Evans