Jokes
Audio clips
Events link Archives link Frequently asked questions link

w w w . b o b a n d t o m . c o m           

February 11 - 15, 2008

Divider

Impressive Impressionist
If you’ve watched TV for even a second over the past year, you've probably seen something with comedian Frank Caliendo in it. Though he was once only a co-star of FOX's sketch comedy show MAD TV, he has since become America's go-to guy when it comes to impressions. That's because no cultural icon is safe from Frank's mimicking ways. He can do dead on impressions of a number of celebrities including John Madden, Charles Barkley, President Bush, Robert DeNiro, Dr. Phil, Robin Williams and the entire cast of Seinfeld. These days, Frank can be seen on his popular late night program Frank TV on TBS, during football broadcasts on FOX (including this year's Super Bowl), as a frequent guest on Late Night with David Letterman, and most recently as the pitch man (or men) for Dish Network.

JORDAN WARD illustration

 

The Zany Report - Live in the Studio Edition
The very classy suit wearing, cigar smoking comedian Bob Zany is once again set to deliver his eagerly anticipated Zany Report, but this week there will be a small twist. He'll be doing it live in the studio! And because he's had over a full week to prepare, we're sure Zany will be bringing his A-material for what is sure to be the biggest, funniest, most spectacular report, and guest appearance of all time (no pressure, Bob). If for some reason you aren’t exhausted from laughing when it’s all said and done, there's always BobZany.com where you can test your hand at punch line writing by playing Fix The Joke Baby. Pick up one of those "Salmon: The Other Pink Meat" T-shirts while you're at it.

 

A Couple of Comedians
As you may have noticed, we have comedians on the show all the time, but rarely do we have comedic couples.  Jim Mendrinos and Leighann Lord are not only professional comedians, they’re also married.  Leighann has been seen on The View, Girls’ Night Out, Tough Crowd, and Comedy Central, and is also a favorite at comedy clubs and colleges across the country.   Her husband Jim is also a funny guy, though not nearly as pretty.  He’s been seen on SNL, Late Night with David Letterman, and Dennis Miller Live and is the author of the Complete Idiots Guide to Comedy Writing.  

 

Bill Burr to Appear on Late Night w/ David Letterman
For the past decade, comedian Bill Burr has been working hard to establish himself as one of the finest standup comics in the business. And he’s had no shortage of opportunities to do this, averaging over 300 shows a year in a variety of venues. It doesn’t matter if he’s performing on Late Night With Conan O’Brien or Showtime at the Apollo; Burr finds a way to connect with any audience. In his early days of comedy, he did this by making fun of his lunatic father, but these days he covers everything from current events to, well, his lunatic father. Burr has been featured on The Late Show with David Letterman, starred in two films (Perfect Fit and Passionatta), and had his own HBO special. We also noticed it's fun to say his name in the voice our favorite talking horse, Mr. Ed.

 

Will Tell Jokes For Food
Steve Wilson is only in his mid thirties and yet he’s been performing standup comedy for nearly 20 years. After doing some quick calculations in our heads, that means he’s been working since he was around 16 years-old. Of course, when you learn he was raised by 11 women, it’s easy to see why he was in such a hurry to get out of the house. Steve has been featured on BET, ABC and Comedy Central, was chosen as the Funniest Man in New York in 1988 and has an unhealthy addiction to PlayStation, young girls (over 18 of course), hockeyy and the Buffalo Bills (ah well, there's always next season).

FACTOID – Tom and Steve enjoy text messaging each other during football season, talking smack about each other's favorite NFL teams.

 

Finding Comedy in Everyday Annoyances
When Dwight Slade takes the stage, he's out for more than just laughs; he does his best to become the voice of the little man, attempting to fight for the average Joe, stick it to 'the man' and score a little payback for all of life's daily humiliations. Is that so much to ask? Whether it's taking on roadside memorials or people who talk to loud on the plane, Dwight's got your back, and he's speaking your mind. Slade got his start working with comedy legend Bill Hicks back in his home town of Portland, but has since made a name for himself headlining comedy clubs, hosting his own radio show and releasing two successful comedy albums, including his newest one, The Evil Monkey.

 

Comedy's
Southern Belle

Even if comedian Lisa Landry isn’t playing at a comedy club near your, she’s not a hard woman to find.  Her Comedy Central special is in frequent rotation, she can also be seen on E!, MSNBC and FOX and has made guest appearances on Law & Order: SVU, Fashion Police and a number of national commercials.  Her easy going style and sharp wit have also landed her a spot on Bret Butler’s The Southern Belles of Comedy and have earned her the reputation as being on of the top female acts in the country.

 

1 vs. 100 vs. Bob Saget
As the caring father on TV's Full House and the goofy host of
America’s Funniest Home Videos, Bob Saget became a lovable household favorite that families welcomed into their homes each week.  But this image of the good old fashioned American dad comes crashing down as soon as you witness one of his HBO Specials, or see him live on stage. With a style best described as controversial, material most consider raunchy, and roles in movies such as The Aristocrats, Half-Baked and Farce of the Penguins, Bob Saget has reestablished himself as "Mr. Irreverent."  But if you're still in the market for a clean and wholesome Bob, Mr. Saget can be found hosting the NBC game show 1 vs. 100, and as the narrator of the CBS sitcom, How I Met Your Mother.

 

A Little Bit of Everything
Many comedians use their own lives as fodder for their acts, and Spanky Brown is no different.  But when it comes to Spanky, his background is so diverse he should never have a hard time finding jokes.  He’s been a car salesman, advertising executive, married, divorced, married again, divorced again, served in the military, is a father and is the son of a preacher.  Brown has been featured on BET’s Comic View, The Speed Channel and on satellite radio.

 
 

Animal Lover
Since Tim Bedore's popular segment, Vague But True, has become a regular feature on the BOB&TOM show, certain topics seem to pop up on a regular basis. One of the most popular subject matters has been the secret war raging between man and beast which Tim has dubbed the "Animal Conspiracy." The first installment of this larger work appeared on the album B&T Camel Toe almost four years ago, but as the news stories keep adding up and listener e-mails keep rolling in, Tim has had no choice but to continue informing the masses about this ongoing battle. Will the battle continue in this week's report? You'll just have to tune in to find out.

 
Tuesday

We'd Like to Buy a Vowel
The only thing harder to spell than Costaki Economopoulos' name, is the weekly feature he hosts, The Economonologue. However, we figure that sense it's a made up word, we've got a little wiggle room if we happen to misplace an 'o' or a 'u.' And though his is not a name you'd want to get as a puzzle on Wheel of Fortune, it is one you don't seeing on our guest board because he's one of the most clever comedians working today. He also happens to be dating the very lovely and very funny Caroline Rhea.

 
Monday
Divider

Valentine's Day Making You Crazy?
Dr. WIll is Here to Help

Bob & Tom PSYCHOtherapist, and long time friend of the show, Dr. Will Miller became popular for his theories on classic television and how those shows reflect on our own society and psychology. In his Book, Why We Watch, Dr. Will discussed everything from Gilligan's Island to Scooby Doo and how those reruns were actually the path to personal peace. Then in his next work, Refrigerator Rights, Dr. Will took an in depth look at what friendship in America is all about by examining how individuals give out Refrigerator Rights. In other words, how many friends do you have that are allowed to just walk right in your home and start rummaging through you're ice box? When listening to Dr. Will on our show, it's like watching the Dr. Phil show, only with good advice, and entertainment value.

 

The Lighter Side of History
If an event of any importance has happened in the past, chances are comedian Scott Dunn can write a joke about it.  Well, not just a joke, an entire routine to be exact.  How can we make such a bold statement?  We have the proof.  Scott has spent the past year calling in to the show every Monday to give us a little history lesson, with a twist. These lessons aren’t boring and stuffy like when your grandpa rambles on about his youth.  No, these tales from times past are chock-full of jokes, laughs and even a few actual historical tidbits you might be able to use in a trivia game down the road.

 


 


"Get off the treadmill and go to the bar."
- Kristi Lee on how her gym is becoming a pick-up joint

"Those strip mall karate places only teach you enough to get your ass whupped"
- Paul Thorn

"I scissor-kicked a circus bear to help raise awareness for cruelty to animals."
- Donnie Baker on bear wrestling

"I'm not available... when is it?
- Tom Griswold when asked to attend the Ferret Festival with Chick

"Everything I touch turns to sold."
- Kenny Tarmac

"You can talk about me in the tabloids all you want, but those come out every week and are forgotten. Songs like this, they stick around a lot longer."
- Kid Rock on his new song "So Hott" and how song writers get revenge

"The only professions where people prefer someone with little experience are politics and prostitution."
- Scott Dunn

"As a liberal, it pains me to say this, but when is America finally going to wake up and realize that tigers hate gay people."
- Auggie Smith on the recent tiger attacks and Siegfried and Roy.

"In Asia, the name Ty(rone) means 'creativity.' In America it means 'not hiring.'"
- Ty Barnett

"Why would I lie to you, we're not married?"
- Ross Bennett to Bob Kevoian

"My biggest fear about voting is getting trapped in the booth."
- Jamie Lissow

"This is like a think-tank of nothing."
- Tammy Pescatelli on The BOB&TOM Show

"Are we on the air or are these practice shows we're doing?"
- Chick McGee

"I've come across a fecal monument or two."
- Tom Griswold on the stains on shopping carts

"Kristi Lee Love You Long Time."
- Possible slogan for Kristi Lee in 2008

"Never play flag football in the nude."
- Bob Kevoian

"Whore's gotta eat too."
- Kristi Lee after hearing the story of the prostitute at Thanksgiving dinner

"I'm the boy in the bubble without the bubble."
- Jimmy Pardo on his multiple allergies

"Instruction manuals are nothing more than another man's opinion."
- Chick McGee

"Kids to me are like ghosts. I'm not afraid of them, but I don't want to move into a building that has them."
- Auggie Smith

"My ex-wife told me she wanted a divorce because she'd lost the tingle. I don't know what a tingle is, but it's equivalent to one house."
- Emo Philips

"If you start with it in there, it's okay."
- Bob Kevoian explaining how a thong is different than a wedgies

"I have a gorgeous taint."
- Chick McGee

"Her favorite recording artist is Tomas Edison."
- Bob Kevoian to Granny during the Shoe-In of the Week.

"I'm not going to get an operation on my johnson just because some e-mail keeps suggesting it. But my wife just keeps sending it."
- Nathan Trenholm

"Every project my dad worked on started with 'I can do it' and ended with 'nobody's gonna see that'."
- Andres Fernandez

"How low have you sank when you are going to Greg Hahn for relationship advice."
- Orny Adams to Kristi Lee

"Didn't we leave Tuna Town and move to cookoo-ville?"
- Tom Griswold on Anne Heche

"Now on sale we've got the OJ Simpson 'Find the Real Killer' Mirror. Is it magic or just common sense."
- Billy Mayzing with a new crop of amazing products

"When I'm 80 years old, just sign me up for a nice bowl movement."
-Tom Griswold on Hef and getting older

"My dog will talk your ear off if you let him."
- Dan Grueter on giving his dog a redneck voice

"They show too many commercials at the movies. That's the biggest crime in the world."
- Bob Kevoian

"The only difference between southern sodomy and prison rape is their taste in music."
- Tom Griswold

"I bet gay guys have sex all the time because there aren't any women to tell them no."
- Larry Reeb

"My to-do list consists of women's names and drugs."
- Shane Mauss

"Joe Theismann won't be here for another four hours so you may want to hold off on taking that Viagra."
- Tom Griswold to Chick McGee

"Ladies, if you don't want to date a drunk, don't go shopping at the drunk store."
- Shane Mauss on women picking up men in bars

"If I stopped drinking scotch, Johnny Walker would have to get rid of one of their trucks."
- Ron White

"Are you at all self sufficient?"
- Tom Griswold to Ron White

"I played basketball in highschool and they used to call me the mailman. Not because I was good, but because I used to shoot up the locker room after a bad loss."
- Rob Haney

"I like the WNBA. There is nothing like a two-hour layup drill."
- John Evans