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w w w . b o b a n d t o m . c o m           

February 25 - 29, 2008

Healing With Humor
Known as one of the funniest and most well respected standup comedians in the nation, Robert Schimmel is often mentioned in the same discussions as fellow legends Bill Cobsy, George Carlin, Sam Kinison and Lenny Bruce. And like those other greats Schimmel has developed a style unique to him, one that is frank, funny and extremely blue in nature. However, part of Schimmel's charm comes from his ability to discuss dark and taboo topics that make people laugh and squirm at the same time. He's also not afraid to speak his mind or be open about his real life problems including his heart attack, battle with cancer, and love life. Many of these subjects have been covered in his multiple HBO specials, and even more recently in his new book Cancer on $5 a Day.

 

Songs of the South
We received the news only a short time ago that we'd be joined in the studio by comedian Tim Wilson. But that's no surprise, we know he likes to keep his visits a secret so that Bob doesn't call in sick once he's found out. All kidding aside, Mr. Wilson is one of our absolute favorite guests and he's a a true "friend of the show." However, no comedian causes more of a stir when they appear on the air than the southern singer/songwriter (that's why he's the only one who has his own disclaimer). Along with his music, Wilson is recognized for his love of NASCAR and the state of Georgia and his distrust of almost everything else.
Need proof? Just pick up a copy of his new album, But I Could Be Wrong.

 

Costaki Live
The only thing harder to spell than Costaki Economopoulos' name, is the weekly feature he hosts, The Economonologue. However, we figure that sense it's a made up word, we've got a little wiggle room if we happen to misplace an 'o' or a 'u.' And though his is not a name you'd want to get as a puzzle on Wheel of Fortune, it is one you don't seeing on our guest board because he's one of the most clever comedians working today. He also happens to be dating the very lovely and very funny Caroline Rhea.

 

It's In the Bagg
As a young boy growing up in Terrace, British Columbia, Ian Bagg knew he had the gift to make people laugh; he just decided not to open it until he got a little older. Instead, waited until he moved to New York City and embarked on his journey to become a professional stand-up comedian. Since then he's been doing quite well for himself. He's a Tonight Show veteran, has landed starring roles in three feature length films, two of which co-starred a monkey, and has been featured on Late Night with Conan O'Brien, Dr. Katz, Premium Blend and The Late, Late Show. Aside from TV, Bagg can regularly be seen performing headlining comedy clubs across the country, and at the occasional hockey game.

 

Get Bengt
When a comedian describes himself as a ditzy, neurotic and logistically impaired "unaccomplished mormon," chances are he's got an act that you'd want to see. In the case of Bengt (the 'G' is silent) Washburn, that turns out to be true. While Washburn's every day life consists of being a father of two and a husband of one (surprisingly), his comedy resume includes winning the San Francisco International Comedy Festival and two comedy albums titled "Get Bengt" and "Mormon Meets World.

 
Wednesday

Every Office Should Have a John Garrett
Who wouldn’t be happy with a highly respected position at a ‘Big Five’ accounting firm as a Certified Public Accountant. John Garrett, that’s who. Not satisfied being one of the few accountants with a good sense of humor, he preferred instead to be one of the only standup comedians in the world with a CPA. Now he can take the stage at colleges and clubs around the country and poke fun at the corporate world he couldn’t wait to leave, and he’s having a great time doing it. He can also help other comedians with their taxes, that is, if he can find some that file them.

 

Here He Is...
It's been a long seven days since we last visited with comedian Tim Bedore, which is why we're so eager to have him back on his special line ready to deliver another exciting edition of Vague But True. Live from his home in Minnesota where he's seated comfortably at mission control, Tim shares his thoughts on life, society, politics and his day to day activities, presented in the form of in-depth, entertaining editorials. Over the past few years, these musings have helped us learn a lot about Bedore, including his thoughts on downloading movies, the joy one can find in a SkyMall magazine, his time spent at summer camp and his theory on how animals are trying to wipe out our species.

 

Mr. Skin Presents
The Anatomy Awards

He's seen over 20,000 movies, but doesn't remember a single plot. He's Mr. Skin, the world's foremost authority on female nudity in film, and he's helping his followers learn the true meaning of the term "double feature." From his humble beginnings as a young man collecting nude clips of hot actresses from R & PG rated movies, Mr Skin has turned his hobby into an empire. His website includes screen shots of naked celebs, movie reviews and yearly presentations of his "Anatomy Awards." So if you're looking for a hard to find clip, or looking for a good rental suggestion for the evening, make sure to check out all the titillating archived data at MrSkin.com. You can also own Mr. Skin's work in print form as he's released the book, Mr. Skin's Skincyclopedia : The A-to-Z Guide to Finding Your Favorite Actresses Naked.

FACTOID - Mr. Skin says that of all the people he's ever talked to, Bob Kevoian is the most knowledgeable when it comes to the subject of adult cinema.

 

Sleepwalking
Across America

Comedian Mike Birbiglia is man of deep thoughts. He's a man who sleep walks. But, he's also a traveling comedian which means he's not only on the road a lot, he's also got plenty of free time. Mix those three factors together and you end up with a little something he likes to call his Secret Public Journal. The Legions of adoring fans who have signed up for his newsletter get his very secret yet very public writings e-mailed directly to them on a regular basis, but out of respect for those who haven't joined, Mike is going to give us a call to do a reading live on the show!

 

Living the Dream
When college doesn’t appeal to you, you can’t find a good job, and you have a hard time passing drug tests, you’re really only left with one career option, stand-up comedy.  Geoff Tate discovered this life path only a few short years ago but is already making it work for him.  Now as a professional comedian and freelance joke writer, Tate is living the dream; enjoying a life of sitting around, eating sandwiches, sleeping in and watching TV, that is, when he’s not up on stage.

 

A Man Who Needs
No Introduction

The humorous and huggable Bob Zany is set to deliver his eagerly anticipated Zany Report and we couldn't be more excited. Because he's had a full week to prepare, we're sure Zany will be bringing his A-material for what is sure to be the biggest, funniest, most spectacular report of all time (no pressure, Bob). If for some reason you aren’t exhausted from laughing when it’s all said and done, there's always BobZany.com where you can test your hand at punch line writing by playing Fix The Joke Baby. Pick up one of those "Salmon: The Other Pink Meat" T-shirts while you're at it.

 

Traveling & Unraveling
You wouldn’t think a guy that writes songs like Dog Doo Blues #48 and I Killed Walter Matthau would be the same guy who discovered folk princess Jewel, but singer/songwriter Steve Poltz is both. Poltz, the co-author of Jewel’s smash hit single You Were Meant For Me, began his music career as a member of the The Rugburns, but after releasing three albums with the group, Steve decided it was time to pursue a solo career. Not one to conform to a single genre, Poltz writes songs that cover the entire musical spectrum. He can sing a beautiful folk tune then turn around and sing a number of 46-second songs that he’d used as outgoing messages on his answering machine (such as the very popular, Sugar Booger). Poltz has recorded six solo albums including his most recent release, Traveling. This CD also has a companion record, Unraveling, but you're going to have to see him on tour to get it.

 

The Lighter Side of History
If an event of any importance has happened in the past, chances are comedian Scott Dunn can write a joke about it.  Well, not just a joke, an entire routine to be exact.  How can we make such a bold statement?  We have the proof.  Scott has spent the past year calling in to the show every Monday to give us a little history lesson, with a twist. These lessons aren’t boring and stuffy like when your grandpa rambles on about his youth.  No, these tales from times past are chock-full of jokes, laughs and even a few actual historical tidbits you might be able to use in a trivia game down the road.

 


 


"One guy doing something weird is a nut, a group of people doing something weird is a church."
- Bengt Washburn on growing up Mormon

"If we were going to be eating Jesus' body, I wanted dark meat."
- Steve Poltz on his confusion during his First Communion

"Get off the treadmill and go to the bar."
- Kristi Lee on how she doesn't like that her gym is becoming a pick-up joint

"Those strip mall karate places only teach you enough to get your ass whupped"
- Paul Thorn

"I scissor-kicked a circus bear to help raise over $200 to raise awareness for animal cruelty."
- Donnie Baker on bear wrestling

"I'm not available... when is it?
- Tom Griswold when asked to attend the Ferret Festival with Chick

"Everything I touch turns to sold."
- Kenny Tarmac

"You can talk about me in the tabloids all you want, but those come out every week and are forgotten. Songs like this, they stick around a lot longer."
- Kid Rock on his new song "So Hott" and how song writers get revenge

"The only professions where people prefer someone with little experience are politics and prostitution."
- Scott Dunn

"As a liberal, it pains me to say this, but when is America finally going to wake up and realize that tigers hate gay people."
- Auggie Smith on the recent tiger attacks and Siegfried and Roy.

"In Asia, the name Ty(rone) means 'creativity.' In America it means 'not hiring.'"
- Ty Barnett

"Why would I lie to you, we're not married?"
- Ross Bennett to Bob Kevoian

"My biggest fear about voting is getting trapped in the booth."
- Jamie Lissow

"This is like a think-tank of nothing."
- Tammy Pescatelli on The BOB&TOM Show

"Are we on the air or are these practice shows we're doing?"
- Chick McGee

"I've come across a fecal monument or two."
- Tom Griswold on the stains on shopping carts

"Kristi Lee Love You Long Time."
- Possible slogan for Kristi Lee in 2008

"Never play flag football in the nude."
- Bob Kevoian

"Whore's gotta eat too."
- Kristi Lee after hearing the story of the prostitute at Thanksgiving dinner

"I'm the boy in the bubble without the bubble."
- Jimmy Pardo on his multiple allergies

"Instruction manuals are nothing more than another man's opinion."
- Chick McGee

"Kids to me are like ghosts. I'm not afraid of them, but I don't want to move into a building that has them."
- Auggie Smith

"My ex-wife told me she wanted a divorce because she'd lost the tingle. I don't know what a tingle is, but it's equivalent to one house."
- Emo Philips

"If you start with it in there, it's okay."
- Bob Kevoian explaining how a thong is different than a wedgies

"I have a gorgeous taint."
- Chick McGee

"Her favorite recording artist is Tomas Edison."
- Bob Kevoian to Granny during the Shoe-In of the Week.

"I'm not going to get an operation on my johnson just because some e-mail keeps suggesting it. But my wife just keeps sending it."
- Nathan Trenholm

"Every project my dad worked on started with 'I can do it' and ended with 'nobody's gonna see that'."
- Andres Fernandez

"How low have you sank when you are going to Greg Hahn for relationship advice."
- Orny Adams to Kristi Lee

"Didn't we leave Tuna Town and move to cookoo-ville?"
- Tom Griswold on Anne Heche

"Now on sale we've got the OJ Simpson 'Find the Real Killer' Mirror. Is it magic or just common sense."
- Billy Mayzing with a new crop of amazing products

"When I'm 80 years old, just sign me up for a nice bowl movement."
-Tom Griswold on Hef and getting older

"My dog will talk your ear off if you let him."
- Dan Grueter on giving his dog a redneck voice

"They show too many commercials at the movies. That's the biggest crime in the world."
- Bob Kevoian

"The only difference between southern sodomy and prison rape is their taste in music."
- Tom Griswold

"I bet gay guys have sex all the time because there aren't any women to tell them no."
- Larry Reeb

"My to-do list consists of women's names and drugs."
- Shane Mauss

"Joe Theismann won't be here for another four hours so you may want to hold off on taking that Viagra."
- Tom Griswold to Chick McGee

"Ladies, if you don't want to date a drunk, don't go shopping at the drunk store."
- Shane Mauss on women picking up men in bars

"If I stopped drinking scotch, Johnny Walker would have to get rid of one of their trucks."
- Ron White

"Are you at all self sufficient?"
- Tom Griswold to Ron White

"I played basketball in highschool and they used to call me the mailman. Not because I was good, but because I used to shoot up the locker room after a bad loss."
- Rob Haney

"I like the WNBA. There is nothing like a two-hour layup drill."
- John Evans