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w w w . b o b a n d t o m . c o m           

March 17 - 21, 2008

 

The One and Only Drew Hastings
Though Drew Hastings is one of our most frequent visitors, we never run out of things to talk about when he stops by. It may have to do with his conversational skills, or years worth of standup comedy material, but more than likely it's his life as a metrosexual farmer that keeps things interesting. Drew may be one of the most brilliant comedians working today, but we're positive he's the only guy raising pigs and growing corn while wearing a black mock turtle-neck sweater.

 

Kira, Kira, Kira!
She may have been born into a poor family in the former Soviet Union, but Kira Soltanovich has enjoyed nothing buy success since coming to America.  After growing up in San Francisco, Kira attended San Diego State University where she was trained in arts of comedy, acting and writing.  She’s used these skills to her advantage by becoming a talented comedian and actress who is just as comfortable performing material as she is writing it.   Kira’s stand-up comedy has been featured on The Tonight Show, Jimmy Kimmel Live, E! VH1, but she’s also been seen as an actress on Third Rock From the Sun, Girls Behaving Badly and Iggy Cool.

 

He Doesn't Look
Blind or Latino

Patrick Deguire started his career in stand-up after losing a significant amount of his vision because of an eye disease called optic neuritis. Soon after being diagnosed, Patrick discovered laughter as a means of self-therapy. Soon after, Patrick won the 1998 Improv/Harrahs National Comedy Club Talent Search Patrick has also toured with George Lopez, Paul Rodriguez and Tommy Davidson. Besides performing at the top comedy clubs in the United States, he has devoted his time overseas for the troop in Japan and Korea. His material includes the advantages and disadvantages of living in a world with limited vision and the hilarious adventures that ensue.

 

The Master Plan
James P. Connolly is a Harvard graduate and former Marine Corps Infantry Office but somehow ended up as a standup comedian. For some, that might be considered a step down, but you wouldn’t think that after looking at his resume. Connolly has been featured on Comedy Central, HBO, SiTV, UPN and hosts the show Movie Obsessions on VH1. He’s been a finalist in a number of top comedy competitions such as Ed McMahon’s Next Big Star and Laugh Riots, plus he’s got a great voice, which you can hear on his new CD, The Master Plan.

 

Spring Training
Considering comedian Dan St. Paul is one of the biggest baseball fans we know, it only makes sense that we talk to him as the MLB season approaches. But Dan St. Paul isn’t just a huge baseball fan, he’s also a suburban husband and father who has to deal with the same daily frustrations as everyone else. The only difference is, while others just complain about their problems, Dan’s been using his as fodder for standup comedy material for years. His storytelling techniques are showcased perfectly in is his bit, The First Baseball Game, which has spawned a number of sequels, many of which are featured on his album, Heaven vs. Hell.

 

Tales of a Diaper Diva
While up on stage, comedienne Patti Vasquez is more like a close personal friend sharing humorous stories than she is a joke teller. Call her act "comedy with heart" or call it hysterically funny, Vasquez entertains audiences with her charming perspectives on politics, relationships and growing up in an Irish-Mexican-American family. Along with her storytelling, Patti keeps her audiences in stitches by pointing out the oddities in the everyday events and situations that anyone can relate to. Recently Patti has become one of the featured performers on the BOB&TOM Comedy All-Stars Tour.

 

NASCAR's Most Eligible Bachelor
For almost two decades now, Carl Edwards has done two things, drive and win. Though he began his career on dirt tracks, Carl first broke onto the national scene as a driver for Roush Racing in the Craftsman Truck Series. From there he made a name for himself in both of NASCAR’s series. Since 2005, he and his #99 Office Depot Ford Fusion have won nine Sprint Cup races, five Nationwide races, earned 59 top ten finished, and started on three poles. He's also become one of the most marketable and most eligible racers in the Series.

FACTOID - Carl Edwards is popular among fans for celebrating his wins by doing a back flip off his car after a win.

 

Hard to Describe,
Easy to Love

Bizarre and demented are two adjectives normally reserved for people with serious mentally problems, but when you tack on sarcastic and hilarious, you’re probably talking about a standup comedian. One man who fits that description is Andy Hendrickson, whose act (which as been described as having a touch of cynicism mixed with a boy next door charm) has been entertaining audiences in comedy clubs everywhere. His original songs and comedic jabs have been broadcast on a variety of mediums including TV, satellite radio and even cellular phones.

 

Bedore vs. Beast
Since Tim Bedore's popular segment, Vague But True, has become a regular feature on the BOB&TOM show, certain topics seem to pop up on a regular basis. One of the most popular subject matters has been the secret war raging between man and beast which Tim has dubbed the "Animal Conspiracy." The first installment of this larger work appeared on the album B&T Camel Toe almost three years ago, but as the news stories keep adding up and listener e-mails keep rolling in, Tim has had no choice but to continue informing the masses about this ongoing battle. Will the crisis continue in this week's report? You'll just have to tune in to find out.

 

Conversation Starter
Comedian Costaki Economopoulos may be the star of our most oddly named segment, but it also happens to be one of the funniest. Since it's debut a few months ago, The Economonologue, as he's dubbed it, has covered a variety of topics including strange superstitions, odd phobias and the origin of clichés. Costaki's able to take the things he sees and hears in everyday life and turn turn them into comedic observations you won't be able to believe you haven't thought of before, and will never be able to forget. In other news, Costaki is just one of the comedians taking part in the huge BOB&TOM All-Stars Comedy Tour. Also on the tour, his close personal friend, Caroline Rhea.

 
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If Billy Crystal Can Do It, Why Can't Bill Scheft
While we may not be going out on a limb in saying this, Bill Scheft is clearly our favorite guest that writes monologues for The Late Show with David Letterman, wrote "The Show" for Sports Illustrated, and is the author of the highly acclaimed novel, The Ringer. Even with all these credits to his name, one thing he hasn't done is play Major League Baseball for his favorite team, the Boston Red Sox. Before last week, this dream may have seemed impossible, but now that 60-year-old actor Billy Crystal has paved the way by playing in a spring training game for the Yankees, Bill may actually have a shot.

FACTOID - If you enjoyed The Ringer, why not check out Bill's Thurber Prize nominated novel, Time Won't Let Me.

 
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Ladies & Gentlemen - Comedian Bob Zany
The Zany Report is back and only the basketball frenzy of the NCAA's March Madness could possibly compare to the excitement it brings. Bob Zany, legendary standup comedian, Telethon Host, and all around great guy, is ready to run the comedy gauntlet once again in hopes of getting the entire cast to laugh, at least once! And even if he can't accomplish this lofty feat, there's always Fix the Joke, Baby to save the segment from being a complete disaster. Because as we all know, everything's funnier when there are prizes involved.

JORDAN WARD illustration

 
Monday on BOB&TOM

Comedy For All Ages
If an event of any importance has happened in the past, chances are comedian Scott Dunn can write a joke about it.  Well, not just a joke, an entire routine to be exact.  How can we make such a bold statement?  We have the proof.  Scott has spent the past year calling in to the show every Monday to give us a little history lesson, with a twist. These lessons aren’t boring and stuffy like when your grandpa rambles on about his youth.  No, these tales from times past are chock-full of jokes, laughs and even a few actual historical tidbits you might be able to use in a trivia game down the road.

 
 



"I'm not even lucky enough to fantasize about winning the lottery. I have to fantasize about someone else winning, and then killing them."
- Andy Hendrickson

"Why can't I have a pool?"
- Todd Snider wondering why now beer companies have paid him to use "Beer Run"

"I thought my marriage was going to be over before we got our wedding pictures back."
- John Heffron

"These guys are actually pretty good people, despite my apathy."
- Chick McGee trying to sound interested while reading a live commercial

"I don't color my hair for the same reason I don't dance, I don't want to feel queer."
- Nick Griffin

"I was on the Quotes Page once... back in 1995 I think."
- Frank Caliendo

"Frank wants to be on the Quotes Page. Yeah, that's what he needs, more exposure."
- Nick Griffin

"So far the BOM&TOM sports desk is 0-2 in solo shows."
- Gunner on his and Chick's solo morning show careers

"I'm not racist, I just find diversity dangerous."
- Daniel Tosh

"Have you guys ever got to the point in your life where you know you've met enough people."
- Greg Warren

"These primaries are like an expensive high school election."
- Bob Kevoian

"One guy doing something weird is a nut, a group of people doing something weird is a church."
- Bengt Washburn on growing up Mormon

"If we were going to be eating Jesus' body, I wanted dark meat."
- Steve Poltz on his confusion during his First Communion

"Get off the treadmill and go to the bar."
- Kristi Lee on how she doesn't like that her gym is becoming a pick-up joint

"Those strip mall karate places only teach you enough to get your ass whupped"
- Paul Thorn

"I scissor-kicked a circus bear to help raise over $200 to raise awareness for animal cruelty."
- Donnie Baker on bear wrestling

"I'm not available... when is it?
- Tom Griswold when asked to attend the Ferret Festival with Chick

"Everything I touch turns to sold."
- Kenny Tarmac

"You can talk about me in the tabloids all you want, but those come out every week and are forgotten. Songs like this, they stick around a lot longer."
- Kid Rock on his new song "So Hott" and how song writers get revenge

"The only professions where people prefer someone with little experience are politics and prostitution."
- Scott Dunn

"As a liberal, it pains me to say this, but when is America finally going to wake up and realize that tigers hate gay people."
- Auggie Smith on the recent tiger attacks and Siegfried and Roy.

"In Asia, the name Ty(rone) means 'creativity.' In America it means 'not hiring.'"
- Ty Barnett

"Why would I lie to you, we're not married?"
- Ross Bennett to Bob Kevoian

"My biggest fear about voting is getting trapped in the booth."
- Jamie Lissow

"This is like a think-tank of nothing."
- Tammy Pescatelli on The BOB&TOM Show

"Are we on the air or are these practice shows we're doing?"
- Chick McGee

"I've come across a fecal monument or two."
- Tom Griswold on the stains on shopping carts

"Kristi Lee Love You Long Time."
- Possible slogan for Kristi Lee in 2008

"Never play flag football in the nude."
- Bob Kevoian

"Whore's gotta eat too."
- Kristi Lee after hearing the story of the prostitute at Thanksgiving dinner

"I'm the boy in the bubble without the bubble."
- Jimmy Pardo on his multiple allergies

"Instruction manuals are nothing more than another man's opinion."
- Chick McGee

"Kids to me are like ghosts. I'm not afraid of them, but I don't want to move into a building that has them."
- Auggie Smith

"My ex-wife told me she wanted a divorce because she'd lost the tingle. I don't know what a tingle is, but it's equivalent to one house."
- Emo Philips

"If you start with it in there, it's okay."
- Bob Kevoian explaining how a thong is different than a wedgies

"I have a gorgeous taint."
- Chick McGee

"Her favorite recording artist is Tomas Edison."
- Bob Kevoian to Granny during the Shoe-In of the Week.

"I'm not going to get an operation on my johnson just because some e-mail keeps suggesting it. But my wife just keeps sending it."
- Nathan Trenholm

"Every project my dad worked on started with 'I can do it' and ended with 'nobody's gonna see that'."
- Andres Fernandez

"How low have you sank when you are going to Greg Hahn for relationship advice."
- Orny Adams to Kristi Lee

"Didn't we leave Tuna Town and move to cookoo-ville?"
- Tom Griswold on Anne Heche

"Now on sale we've got the OJ Simpson 'Find the Real Killer' Mirror. Is it magic or just common sense."
- Billy Mayzing with a new crop of amazing products

"When I'm 80 years old, just sign me up for a nice bowl movement."
-Tom Griswold on Hef and getting older

"My dog will talk your ear off if you let him."
- Dan Grueter on giving his dog a redneck voice

"They show too many commercials at the movies. That's the biggest crime in the world."
- Bob Kevoian

"The only difference between southern sodomy and prison rape is their taste in music."
- Tom Griswold

"I bet gay guys have sex all the time because there aren't any women to tell them no."
- Larry Reeb

"My to-do list consists of women's names and drugs."
- Shane Mauss

"Joe Theismann won't be here for another four hours so you may want to hold off on taking that Viagra."
- Tom Griswold to Chick McGee

"Ladies, if you don't want to date a drunk, don't go shopping at the drunk store."
- Shane Mauss on women picking up men in bars

"If I stopped drinking scotch, Johnny Walker would have to get rid of one of their trucks."
- Ron White

"Are you at all self sufficient?"
- Tom Griswold to Ron White

"I played basketball in highschool and they used to call me the mailman. Not because I was good, but because I used to shoot up the locker room after a bad loss."
- Rob Haney

"I like the WNBA. There is nothing like a two-hour layup drill."
- John Evans