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w w w . b o b a n d t o m . c o m           

April 28 - May 2, 2008

 

Senator Barack Obama
If you’ve turned on a TV, picked up a paper, or listened to the radio in the past few months, you may have heard that the race is still on to become the DNC Presidential nominee.  With that in mind, and with important primaries in Indiana and North Carolina coming up, Senator Barack Obama will be calling into the BOB&TOM Show to talk a little politics, and hopefully have a little fun while on the campaign trail.

BOB&TOM Interview Sen. Barack Obama

 

Not So Soft Spoken
The ranting, raving comedian from Montana, Auggie Smith is heading back to the studio and you'd better believe he's coming in with his comedy guns blazing. Because Aug finds his material in the absurdities of everyday life, he's never had a problem finding new targets on which to take aim. And though his rants often focus on broad topics like politics, relationships and society, that doesn't mean he can't narrow the scope of his joke canon and go off on the guy driving in front of him with a bumper sticker he doesn't like. Be warned, if you listen to Smith's ranting long enough, you too will find yourself following "The Word of Aug."

 

This Guy
Must Never Sleep

John Feinstein is one of the most celebrated and enjoyed sports writers of all time. From the hardwood of basketball (A Season on the Brink), to the football gridiron (Next Man Up) and even the lushes green fairways of golf (A Good Walk Spoiled), Feinstein has covered just about every major sporting event known to man. His newest book, Living on the Black, is no different. In it, John takes a close look at the heart and soul of America's National Pastime, by following two veteran Major League pitchers going through two very different 2007 seasons.

 

It's a Dog's Life...
Have you ever been having a casual conversation with a good friend when all of a sudden you’re asked if a “Dog Year” is really equivalent to seven human years, or if  dogs dream or why do dogs shake their back leg when getting a belly rub?  Chances are you had no idea how to answer these questions, which is why dog expert, Dr. Justine A. Lee has written the entertaining and informative new book, It’s a Dog’s Life… But It’s Your Carpet.  Perfect for dog lovers or those looking to purchase a pooch, this book sets the record straight on the most popular myths and intriguing questions surrounding man’s best friend.  When not writing books, Dr. Lee is an emergency care veterinarian on faculty at the University of Minnesota College of Veterinary Medicine. 

 

Only Happy
on Pretzel Day

When news first broke that the hit British comedy series, The Office, would be recreated for an American audience, many felt there was no way it could live up to the greatness of the original. Four successful and award winning seasons later, the U.S. version of The Office is proving them all wrong. On the show, Leslie David Baker portrays the grumpy, disgruntled, and always serious sales representative Stanley Hudson. Stanley is known for his love of Pretzel Day and crossword puzzles (which he can be seen working on in almost every episode) and for being on the receiving end of many of his boss Michael Scott's (Steve Carrell) inappropriate racial remarks. Aside from The Office, Baker has also appeared in other hit sitcoms including Scrubs, That 70's Show and Malcolm in the Middle.

 

Senator Hillary Clinton
The Democratic Presidential primary is heating up and former First Lady, N.Y. Senator Hillary Clinton, will be attending rallies in Indiana and North Carolina this week so it should be no surprise that a call-in to BOB&TOM was also on her agenda. Hopefully you didn't miss this interview, but even if you did, don't worry, we've got it posted for your listening pleasure.

BOB&TOM Interview Sen. Hillary Clinton
 

Russian Roulette Anyone?
Most comedians claim to have come from bizarre backgrounds, but Wild Bill Bauer is proof positive of what can happen when you grow up around unstable relatives. A brilliant writer with a unique and manic delivery, Bauer combines his outlandish observations and peculiar personal tales into a comedy act that is hilariously shocking and a lot like an episode of Jerry Springer. Known to the BOB&TOM community as the guy with the uncle who plays Russian Roulette, Wild Bill Bauer is one of the few guest comedians that made an appearance on BOB&TOM's Greatest Hits Vol. 1 album. In other news, that famous piece is being made into an animated short.

 

Easy For You to Say
Comedian Costaki Economopoulos' humor has been described as smart, pointed, hip, sharp, insightful, socially relevant, and gut-laugh funny and he’s been described as a “casually brilliant joke philosopher.” Just look at his business card, it's all right there. Aside from standup comedy, Costaki is still looking for a full time staff writing position on a sitcom, so if anybody “knows a guy,” make sure to give him a call (he's in the book). But until that day comes, the biggest name in comedy is keeping busy with other projects, including hosting one of our favorite weekly segments, The Economonologue.

 

Man vs. Wild
Since Tim Bedore's popular segment, Vague But True, has become a regular feature on the BOB&TOM show, certain topics seem to pop up on a regular basis. One of the most popular subject matters has been the secret war raging between man and beast which Tim has dubbed the "Animal Conspiracy." The first installment of this larger work appeared on the album B&T Camel Toe almost five years ago, but as the news stories keep adding up and listener e-mails keep rolling in, Tim has had no choice but to continue informing the masses about this ongoing battle. Will the battle continue in this week's report? You'll just have to tune in to find out.

The Return of Dave Dugan
Comedian, corporate speaker and world-class voice-over talent Dave Dugan has been compared to comedy legend Bob Newhart in that he plays the part of the "everyman victim" to perfection. With a dry delivery, wealth of material and unbelievably deep voice, Dugan easily became a star on the standup scene, however, the forum in which Dave truly excels is the corporate setting. Dugan is famous for walking into a speaking engagement as an imposter; posing as a new hire in the company's upper management or even as a desperate, pathetic competitor. A long time friend of the show, Dugan has appeared on a number of B&T albums, both as a booth announcer and as Sid Gurney's best buddy, Bart McAlister.

 
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A Great Time To Be a Boston Sports Fan
While we may not be going out on a limb in saying this, Bill Scheft is clearly our favorite guest that writes monologues for The Late Show with David Letterman, wrote "The Show" for Sports Illustrated, and is the author of the highly acclaimed novel, The Ringer. And though these are all great accomplishments, the thing Bill is most excited about at the moment is being a fan of Boston sports teams. His Celtics are looking like the favorites to take home the NBA Championship, his Red Sox are the defending MLB champs and the Patriots just went to the Super Bowl for the fourth time this decade. If only everyone's home teams could be so lucky.

FACTOID - If you enjoyed The Ringer, why not check out Bill's Thurber Prize nominated novel, Time Won't Let Me.

 

The One and Only Bob Zany
All across America people are rejoicing because once again it's Tuesday, which means it's time for another edition of the world famous Zany Report starring comedy legend Bob Zany. With that said, we are required to point out that while many of Bob's Reports are chock-full of laughs, occasionally he'll deliver one that doesn't quite go as planned. That's why Mr. Zany plays a little game called Fix-The-Joke, Baby where a lucky fan is invited to call in and fix one of his less than stellar punch lines live on the air. Sounds easy doesn’t it? Oh, and did we mention there are prizes involved?

 

The Lighter Side of History
If an event of any importance has happened in the past, chances are comedian Scott Dunn can write a joke about it.  Well, not just a joke, an entire routine to be exact.  How can we make such a bold statement?  We have the proof.  Scott has spent the past year calling in to the show every Monday to give us a little history lesson, with a twist. These lessons aren’t boring and stuffy like when your grandpa rambles on about his youth.  No, these tales from times past are chock-full of jokes, laughs and even a few actual historical tidbits you might be able to use in a trivia game down the road.

 
 



"Everyday was like waking up at the Cracker Barrel."
- Dave Dugan on moving back in with his parents

"The difference between classy and trashy is timing and planning."
- David Crowe on dating

"I don't think anyone was expecting a fecal attack."
- Tom Griswold on the story about a guy defecating in a basket full of video games.

"The old man's creed: Never trust a fart and never waste a boner."
- Pat Dailey

"Most of the women I've dated are like Pringles. They're white, slightly warped and the snap easily."
- Drew Hastings

"If I put out an album it would be called 'Chick McGee: Coastin'"
- Chick McGee on his work ethic

"I'm just trying to let your jokes register through my antidepressants."
- Drew Hastings on why he wasn't laughing during the Zany Report

"Shows like Bad Girls Club are the starting pistol for Armageddon."
- Bobcat Goldthwait on reality TV

"So when you go into the strip clubs, do you leave your dignity in the car or put it in the trunk."
- Tom Griswold

"Humans have sex face to face to cause guilt"
- Chick McGee on how Humans are the only animal to use more positions than doggy style .

"Evidently underwear does serve a purpose."
- Tom Griswold on how he started wearing underwear after seeing an embarrassing picture of himself.

"I think I'm just going to go home and listen to this show. I hear it's pretty good."
- Bob Kevoian

"I'm not even lucky enough to fantasize about winning the lottery. I have to fantasize about someone else winning, and then killing them."
- Andy Hendrickson

"Why can't I have a pool?"
- Todd Snider wondering why now beer companies have paid him to use "Beer Run"

"I thought my marriage was going to be over before we got our wedding pictures back."
- John Heffron

"These guys are actually pretty good people, despite my apathy."
- Chick McGee trying to sound interested while reading a live commercial

"I don't color my hair for the same reason I don't dance, I don't want to feel queer."
- Nick Griffin

"I was on the Quotes Page once... back in 1995 I think."
- Frank Caliendo

"Frank wants to be on the Quotes Page. Yeah, that's what he needs, more exposure."
- Nick Griffin

"So far the BOB&TOM sports desk is 0-2 in solo shows."
- Gunner on his and Chick's solo morning show careers

"I'm not racist, I just find diversity dangerous."
- Daniel Tosh

"Have you guys ever got to the point in your life where you know you've met enough people."
- Greg Warren

"These primaries are like an expensive high school election."
- Bob Kevoian

"One guy doing something weird is a nut, a group of people doing something weird is a church."
- Bengt Washburn on growing up Mormon

"If we were going to be eating Jesus' body, I wanted dark meat."
- Steve Poltz on his confusion during his First Communion

"Get off the treadmill and go to the bar."
- Kristi Lee on how she doesn't like that her gym is becoming a pick-up joint

"Those strip mall karate places only teach you enough to get your ass whupped"
- Paul Thorn

"I scissor-kicked a circus bear to help raise over $200 to raise awareness for animal cruelty."
- Donnie Baker on bear wrestling

"I'm not available... when is it?
- Tom Griswold when asked to attend the Ferret Festival with Chick

"Everything I touch turns to sold."
- Kenny Tarmac

"You can talk about me in the tabloids all you want, but those come out every week and are forgotten. Songs like this, they stick around a lot longer."
- Kid Rock on his new song "So Hott" and how song writers get revenge

"The only professions where people prefer someone with little experience are politics and prostitution."
- Scott Dunn

"As a liberal, it pains me to say this, but when is America finally going to wake up and realize that tigers hate gay people."
- Auggie Smith on the recent tiger attacks and Siegfried and Roy.

"In Asia, the name Ty(rone) means 'creativity.' In America it means 'not hiring.'"
- Ty Barnett

"Why would I lie to you, we're not married?"
- Ross Bennett to Bob Kevoian

"My biggest fear about voting is getting trapped in the booth."
- Jamie Lissow

"This is like a think-tank of nothing."
- Tammy Pescatelli on The BOB&TOM Show

"Are we on the air or are these practice shows we're doing?"
- Chick McGee

"I've come across a fecal monument or two."
- Tom Griswold on the stains on shopping carts

"Kristi Lee Love You Long Time."
- Possible slogan for Kristi Lee in 2008

"Never play flag football in the nude."
- Bob Kevoian

"Whore's gotta eat too."
- Kristi Lee after hearing the story of the prostitute at Thanksgiving dinner

"I'm the boy in the bubble without the bubble."
- Jimmy Pardo on his multiple allergies

"Instruction manuals are nothing more than another man's opinion."
- Chick McGee

"Kids to me are like ghosts. I'm not afraid of them, but I don't want to move into a building that has them."
- Auggie Smith

"My ex-wife told me she wanted a divorce because she'd lost the tingle. I don't know what a tingle is, but it's equivalent to one house."
- Emo Philips

"If you start with it in there, it's okay."
- Bob Kevoian explaining how a thong is different than a wedgies

"I have a gorgeous taint."
- Chick McGee

"Her favorite recording artist is Tomas Edison."
- Bob Kevoian to Granny during the Shoe-In of the Week.

"I'm not going to get an operation on my johnson just because some e-mail keeps suggesting it. But my wife just keeps sending it."
- Nathan Trenholm

"Every project my dad worked on started with 'I can do it' and ended with 'nobody's gonna see that'."
- Andres Fernandez

"How low have you sank when you are going to Greg Hahn for relationship advice."
- Orny Adams to Kristi Lee

"Didn't we leave Tuna Town and move to cookoo-ville?"
- Tom Griswold on Anne Heche

"Now on sale we've got the OJ Simpson 'Find the Real Killer' Mirror. Is it magic or just common sense."
- Billy Mayzing with a new crop of amazing products

"When I'm 80 years old, just sign me up for a nice bowl movement."
-Tom Griswold on Hef and getting older

"My dog will talk your ear off if you let him."
- Dan Grueter on giving his dog a redneck voice

"They show too many commercials at the movies. That's the biggest crime in the world."
- Bob Kevoian

"The only difference between southern sodomy and prison rape is their taste in music."
- Tom Griswold

"I bet gay guys have sex all the time because there aren't any women to tell them no."
- Larry Reeb

"My to-do list consists of women's names and drugs."
- Shane Mauss

"Joe Theismann won't be here for another four hours so you may want to hold off on taking that Viagra."
- Tom Griswold to Chick McGee

"Ladies, if you don't want to date a drunk, don't go shopping at the drunk store."
- Shane Mauss on women picking up men in bars

"If I stopped drinking scotch, Johnny Walker would have to get rid of one of their trucks."
- Ron White

"Are you at all self sufficient?"
- Tom Griswold to Ron White

"I played basketball in highschool and they used to call me the mailman. Not because I was good, but because I used to shoot up the locker room after a bad loss."
- Rob Haney

"I like the WNBA. There is nothing like a two-hour layup drill."
- John Evans