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w w w . b o b a n d t o m . c o m           

May 2 - 6 2005

Shave and a Haircut
Armed with his ever-tuned guitar (or Toaster) and an adequate grasp of his lyrics, Heywood Banks is one of the best comedian singer/songwriters around. From 18 Wheels on a Big Rig to Wiper Blades Heywood's bank of songs is filled with good, clean fun for the entire family. Though you may wonder how one warped mind could write all these off-the-wall lyrics, you'll never get tired of hearing Heywood belt them out. We're sure you've heard many of Heywood's classics, but you may not be familiar with his newest tunes which are featured on the CD Pretending I'm Not Home (available at comedyhome.com).

 

The Words & Music of John Mellencamp
No musician exemplifies the Midwest like legendary rock artist John Mellencamp. With or without the 'Cougar' in his name, fans have been enjoying his music for years. From Jack & Diane to Peaceful World, John has been evolving his music and expanding his song book with hit after hit and album after album. His most recent release, Word's & Music: John Mellencamp's Greatest Hits, captures 25 years worth of Mellencamp's best work. This two disc set features 33 chart topping tracks as well as two brand new songs including his newest hit, Walk Tall. John is currently out on his Words and Music tour, and many of the shows feature tickets prices as low as $25. Check out his website for dates and locations. And be prepared, we've heard that this phone call may also feature a guest appearance from John's crazy cousin Roscoe.

 
Once a Marine,
Always a Marine

If you ask him, or check out his media kit, Mark Sweeney will tell you he's a "professional comedian," but that hasn't always been the case. Sweeney-San is a jack of all trades having served as a bus boy, construction worker, real estate agent, bartender and copier repairman. He's also been an actor, appearing on TV shows like Boston Public, Third Rock From the Sun, and Days of Our Lives. But looking through his resume, the occupation that stands out most is the four years he spent in the US Marines, or as he puts it, a full time job partying around the globe.

FACTOID - Mark Sweeney is the oldest of six children, which he equates to being the emcee at a comedy club. You come out cold, have to break the ice and everyone expects you to suck

Miguel Washington
Miguel Washington is a guy who’s got a lot to talk about. Whether he’s discussing his observations, beliefs or something he just read in the paper, Washington likes to be heard. Lucky for him, his audiences often enjoy listening, which is one of the keys to being a good standup comedian. For over 10 years, Washington has been hitting the clubs, cruise ships and campuses spreading his words of wisdom and comedic one-liners to anyone who would hear them. On a larger scale (on the small screen), Miguel’s been seen performing his standup comedy on NBC’s Friday Night, BET’s Comic View and Showtime at the Apollo. Miguel also performs a lot of Christian specific comedy shows. For more info on these, check out savedbygracecomedy.com

 

America's Favorite Anchorman
It’s a scary thought, but Comedy Central’s late night news spook The Daily Show with Jon Stewart has become some peoples number one source for world events. What’s not surprising is that Jon Stewart ranks as one of America’s favorite anchormen. Stewart began his career as a standup comedian but made his way into television when he was given his own talk show. He then went on to star in a few films and earn the role as the guest host on the fake talk show, The Larry Sanders Show before taking over The Daily Show back in ’9/. These days, when he can get away from the anchor desk, Stewart is playing theaters across the country in order to entertain audiences and relive the fond memories he has from his days in standup comedy.

 

Nathan Trenholm
Nathan Trenholm is a quick witted, clever comedian who captures audiences with his surprising twists and rapid punch lines. Raised in Chicago, Nathan majored in Theatre at the University of Illinois, a skill that seems to have helped him in his post-graduate life. A veteran of the world famous Second City comedy team, Trenholm was the winner three standup competitions in Chicago before packed up his bags and moved to Los Angeles. Trenholm has been featured on Comedy Central’s “Premium Blend.”

 

Original Outlaw of Comedy
Early on in life, Jimmy Shubert knew he wanted to be an entertainer. At first he tried performing magic for a living, but soon realized he had no desire to wear a tux and pull objects out of his pockets. When that fell through, he knew his next course of action would be to venture into standup comedy. After befriending the late Sam Kinison, Shubert became one of the "Original Outlaws of Comedy," and toured with his mentor for years. After Kinison's passing, Jimmy moved to Florida, where he fine tuned his act and perfected his standup. Once he learned the ropes of touring the country solo, Jimmy decided it might be fun to give acting a try. Though the his television pilot never aired, Shubert caught a break in his movie career when he picked up a lollipop during an audition and earned a role in the film GO. Since then, Jimmy's shown up in The Italian Job, One Hour Photo, and Coyote Ugly.

 

Another Vague But True Tale From Tim Bedore
We couldn't ask for a better welcome back to live radio than having our good friend Tim Bedore deliver an all new episode of his popular editorial, Vague But True, reported live from his new home in Minnesota. The last time we talked to Tim, he told us about his confrontation with a door-to-door doomsday religious zealot. Most people would have just sent them on their way, but Bedore took this opportunity to ask the poor woman all the outrageous biblical questions that have been bothering him over the years. Whether the inspiration for his editorials is ripped from the headlines or based on his outlandish fantasies, you know Bedore will be up and ready to report a new one each and every week.

 

What's a Three Letter Word for Queer?
Not only was Ant the only openly gay comedian to appear on the comedy based reality show Last Comic Standing, he was also the only competitor to take part in all three seasons. Since making his national television debut as a guest host on the syndicated Ricki Lake Show, Ant has gone on to host VH1’s highest rated show, Celebrity Fit Club, star in To Tell the Truth, become a guest panelist on Steve Harvey’s Big Time and provide man-on-the-street segments for The Dennis Miller Show. In recent news, Ant has just released his first comedy album, Follow My Ass, and is preparing to make an appearance on the Tonight Show.

FACTOID – Ant claims to be so gay that he can put a lisp in the word “cracker.”

 

Tell Us Something
We Didn't Already Know

Pamela Anderson has become one of the millennium's most recognizable icons, gracing the cover of Playboy in the United States a record breaking 11 times and appearing on more magazine covers worldwide than any star of her generation. She is now entering a new phase both professionally and personally which will ensure that her already shining star rises to new heights. She will next be seen starring in the FOX sitcom “STACKED” which premieres on Wednesday, April 13 at 8:30p.m. and will run for six straight weeks. Anderson stars as a woman working at a bookstore who’s trying to change her life and break her habit of falling for less than responsible men. A workplace ensemble comedy, STACKED revolves around beautiful SKYLER DAYTON (Pamela), who is tired of her non-stop partying lifestyle and bad choices in boyfriends. Wanting a major life change, she wanders into “Stacked Books,” a small, family-run bookstore owned by GAVIN MILLER (Elon Gold “The In-Laws”) and his brother, STUART (Brian Scolaro, “Three Sisters”).

 

The Real Twang Thang
No comedian causes more of a stir when they appear on the air than the southern singer/songwriter, Tim Wilson. Not to say we don’t find him hysterically funny, we just do everything in our power to disassociated with him and his absurd philosophies on society, politics and life in general (many of which can be found in the new piece,
The Aggravator). Along with his music, Wilson is recognized for his love of NASCAR and the state of Georgia and his distrust of almost everything else. Tim is one of the great comedic performers touring today, and it's a rarity when you go more than a week without hearing one of his tunes played on the BOB&TOM Show. Tim recently released a brand new album, The Real Twang Thang, which contains the popular songs Church League Softball, Dick Weasel Attorney at Law and My Wife's Running Around.

 

Last Time He Took Off His Pants. Now What's Tosh Going to Do?
Comedian Daniel Tosh got his start hosting a late night talk show down in South Beach where he would interview/ make fun of the gorgeous models living in the area. Though it sounds like a rough line of work, Tosh actually enjoyed it. But he gave it all up to pursue bigger and better things out on the road, hoping that eventually it would land him some acting gigs and maybe another talk show with a bigger desk and a larger audience. Since then, standup comedy has become Tosh’s primary career (and what got him on The Late Show with David Letterman four times) but he’ll still accept the occasional acting gig, like the one he got starring in a four-part Taco Bell commercial campaign. In just a short amount of time, Tosh has become a one of the top young comedians around, he's a BOB&TOM Show favorite, a now a The Tonight Show veteran.

 

Ripped From the Pages of His Secret Public Journal
For weeks now Mike Birbiglia has been sharing his stories from the road in a little segment he likes to call his Secret Public Journal, now accompanied by a snappy little intro featuring a full horn section. We're very excited to say that this week he'll be calling in to read his newest installment, and maybe do a little standup comedy as a added bonus. Recently, Mike's been taking part in a huge comedy tour with fellow friends of the show like Drew Hastings, Henry Phillips and Pat Godwin.

FACTOID - Mike loves pizza. If he's playing at a club near you, make sure you recommend the best local pizza parlor so he can go rate it.

 
A Very Special
Wednesday Report

This past Tuesday, if you felt a little empty inside and just knew that something was missing from the show, you were right. The wildly popular Zany Report was put on hold for a day while BOB&TOM were away, but don't worry, it's back and better than ever. Though folks are excited about this momentous Wednesday edition of the report, many are worried about how Zany will do on a different day. We're positive Bob will do just fine. After all, he is a professional. And fear not, even if his punch lines do fall flat, we've got fix-the-joke, baby to save the day.
 

Our Favorite Temp Ultrababe Laura Steele
While Kristi has the day off, the role of veteran news reporter will be played by the lovely Laura Steele. This means Laura will be spending all morning with us poised gently astride the news desk, which is good news for anyone who has access to the VIP Studio Cam. Along with being our best looking temp (no offense Dog), Laura is also a regular in B&T recordings whenever a sultry, sexy female voice is required for a piece. Want to see more Laura? Check out her photo page or go to the BOB&TOM Store when she’s featured as one of our favorite fashion models.

 

 

 

 

 


"You don't shoot people when you get fired, you steal stuff."
- Jimmy Shubert

"Not all Asians are bad drivers, just the ones from Asia."
- Kivi Rogers

"All baseball players look like cops. I mean, would you buy drugs from one of those scruffy guys on the Red Sox?"
- Doug Stanhope

"I want to make enough money to become a black republican."
- Alonzo Bodden

"My mother always touched me like I had something sticky on my shirt."
- Drew Hastings on his mother's loving nature

"My wife and I are very different. She's a perfectionist, and I guess I'm a half-assist."
- Dave Cooperman

"I would drive 20 miles to see a frog explode. But I would drive 200 miles to see a monkey ride a dog."
- Chick McGee after hearing the story about the exploding frogs

"When you told me you were trying to be funny I thought you were serious."
- Bob Kevoian to Chick after telling a bad joke

"Kobe Bryant said he'd give $1000 to the Tsunami victims for every point he scored. How'd you like to be the guy playing defense on him that night."
- Auggie Smith

"If you only had to declare when you were funny, we've had some comedians come through here who could be considered tax-free."
- Auggie Smith

"If there is anyone who doesn't need extra prayers to get into heaven, it's the Pope. Save your prayers fore someone on the bubble like me."
- Tim Bedore

"I know I'm getting older because I want to build a deck."
- Dwight Slade

"My last confession was so bad that my pennance was to find a cure for cancer."
- Wild Bill Bauer

"When a woman says 'underwear' instead of 'panties' it makes you think she's also using a tampon the size of a lifebelt."
- Tom Griswold

"I'm 40 and don't know if I want to get married anymore. I just want someone to throw me a shower."
- Tracy Smith

"Hey, you wanna go make your parents proud."
- "Donny Baker" on his move

"To me, the E! network answers questions that you were never going to ask... like how was Full House made."
- Mike Birbiglia

"I have a loving family, make ends meet, but three out of five days I drive home sobbing."
- Chick McGee on Tom being mean to him

"Whatever happened to pretty flight attendants?"
- Chick McGee on Travel

"Aren't those people falafel crazy?"
- Jim Holder on what Iraqi's buy at bakeries.

"What's Dr. Phil's son going to do to follow in his footsteps, suck money off a rich black woman and start his own TV show?"
- Bob Kevoian

"People in Canada are still drinking as much, it's just that now they are watching JAG."
- Ian Bagg on the effect of no NHL in Canada

"I'm actually part Kennedy, which is why I've got the full head of hair."
- Pat Godwin on the validity of his song 'Mom's Little Secret'

"You can tell the Pope doesn't have a wife because she would have never let him leave the house wearing that hat."
- Tom Griswold

"Some people at the reception didn't seem to get the comedy that is The Chickster."
- Chick McGee on his R-rated performance at Bob's Wedding

"I don't usually act my height."
- Drew Hastings

"I could run from my brothers when they tried to beat me up, but they could never outrun my mouth. Which is probably why I'm still single today."
- Tammy Pescatelli

"Nothing says 'Happy Birthday Jesus' like the Vegas Strip."
- Mark Sweeney on spending Christmas in Vegas.

"What you hear in your head and what all the rest of us hear are two totally different things."
- Bob Kevoian to Chick after performing an impression

"Most people who get the crap beat out of them deserved it."
- Tom Griswold

"Michael Jackson is dressed like both The Captain and Tannille."
- George Lopez after testifying at Jacko's trial

"If I'm missing out on the finer things of life, that means I'm just waiting to die. So while I'm waiting, I'm having a big glass of scotch."
- Ron White

"I'm the Nostradamus of nicotine."
- Bob Kevoian on predicting that eventually you wouldn't be able to smoke in public

"Never say Robin Williams and writing in the same sentence. Robin does cover versions of other peoples jokes."
- Bill Scheft

"At the heart break hotel, you check in at the counter, but you check out at the toilet."
- Floyd Tucker

"Comedian Joel Lindley has serial killer strength."
- Chick McGee

"Well I hope you're happy, you've ruined Christmas."
- Mark Gross reliving what a lady told him at his worst gig ever.

"Have a seat, John, because coffee's for closers."
- Chick McGee to a caller that 'sealed the deal' after mentioning the BOB&TOM Show on a first date

"It doesn't matter what I do in my career, one of the things I care about most is being quoted on bobandtom.com"
- Frank Caliendo

"Don't cry. You look fat when you cry."
- Pete Lee on how he gets his girlfriend to stop being upset with him.

"I grew up pretty nonreligious, thank god."
- John Evans

"I've been trying to read more, but I've found out that I'm illiterate."
- Tim Northern

"I had my ex-wife air-brushed on my windshield so that it looks like I'm running her monkey-ass over."
- Geoff Brown

"I haven't been working out a lot lately, but I've been making up for it by eating a lot of cake."
- Greg Hahn

"I guess the NHL season is going to start when hell freezes over."
- Bob Kevoian