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w w w . b o b a n d t o m . c o m           

May 16 - 20 2005

 

Bob Zany: Episode II:
Return of the Zany

Get ready for part two of this very special double dose of Bob Zany, because not only are we talking to him for the second time this week, we've also got Bob live in the studio and only the release of the new Star Wars movie could possibly compare to the excitement he brings. Bob Zany, legendary comedian and all around great guy, has confirmed that there is a possibility that this visit could be his best ever! Though we're not going to bet the farm on this claim, as long as it's better than Monday's Report, we'll be satisfied.

 

Not To Be Confused with "The Big Unit"
When comedian Rodney Johnson (not to be confused with "The Big Unit" Randy Johnson) takes the stage, he’s got two goals in mind. One is to untie diverse people of vast cultures and backgrounds, the other is to get them to laugh. And hopefully if things are going right, he can do both at the same time. Rodney’s comedy is a nice mix of spontaneous humor and religious oriented jokes, which is no surprise considering that when he’s not on performing as part of the Black Comedy Tour, he’s a deacon at his church in California.

 

Mike "Oreoman" Green
Don’t be fooled by comedian Mike Green’s good looks, he’s actually pretty funny. He told us so when we asked him. Known as the Oreoman for reasons we won’t get into here, Green has become a local favorite in his home state of Michigan, but now he’s ready to take his act on the road. With a background in improv and a boatload of entertaining stories, there’s no reason to believe he can’t be just as big of a hit everywhere else, whether that be a college campus, comedy club or corporate event. As Mike puts it, if you haven’t seen him perform, you’re not very cool.

 

The Guy We Love to Hate
Comedian Jimmy Pardo commands respect, and maybe some day he’ll get it. Even though he’s a well-accomplished standup comic with a number of impressive credentials on his resume, Jimmy still feels like audiences, other comedians and even BOB&TOM don’t always give him the love he deserves. Pardo's got a reputation for getting into fights with the our other guests, and has been known to walk off the show from time to time, including his infamous exit during a broadcast in the Bahamas. Though Pardo's great on the radio, his face is the real money maker which is why you should make sure to see him perform live when the opportunity presents itself.

FACTOID - Along with standup comedy, Pardo also performs in the one-man show Attention Must Be Paid: The Jimmy Pardo Story.

 

Fish & Paint
A lawyer walks into a bar, and after pounding a few beers decides to become a standup comedian. This may sounds like the opening to a bad joke, but it's actually the story of comedian Dan Kaufman, give or take a few mundane details. Once upon a time Kaufman was a successful attorney, but that all changed once he decided he no longer wanted to do any kind of actual work to make a living. Soon after, Kaufman left the courtroom and followed his dream of performing in front of a crowd that didn't have to deliberate after each show. Now, dressed a bit more casually than in his former profession, Dan delivers his thought-provoking, smart and edgy comedy act in clubs and colleges across the country. Kaufman convinced us it would be wise to include all those adjectives in this paragraph, otherwise legal action could be taken. It took absolutely no convincing for us to put his unlikely hit song (we're still confused by this) Fish & Paint, on the new BOB&TOM album Sideshow.

FACTOID - Dan Kaufman is also an extremely talented artist and portrait painter. though his ability to piano playing is a bit suspect.

 

Give Us a Minnitte
Joe Minnitte decided to become a standup comedian because there weren’t many other professions that allow you to perform on Saturday Night Live and Comedy Central. Well that, and the fact he wasn’t very good at showing up on time or doing work early in the morning. Originally from Pittsburgh, Joe’s moved his base of operations to been New York City in order to break into comedy. Since Minnette’s been able to make it there, he figures he can make it anywhere (just like the Sinatra song implies) which is why he’s now branching out and playing clubs and colleges across the country.

 

Keeping 'em Laughing
Before the Cameras Start Rolling

Comedian Ron Pearson is comedy's equivalent to a fluffer on the set of an adult film. He’s the guy other comedians go to when they need someone to keep their sitcom audiences entertained between tapings. Ron has performed for over 1,500 shows including The Drew Carey Show, Two and a Half men, America’s Funniest Home Videos, Rodney, According to Jim and The Ron White Show. When he’s not working on other people’s shows, Pearson will occasionally appear in front of the camera as both an actor and performing his standup comedy.

 

Vague But True
Tim Bedore has been on a hot streak lately with his weekly Vague But True editorials, which is why we're so eager to find out what his next installment will be about. Over the past year, these musings have helped us learn a lot about Tim, including his predictions on the upcoming year, the joy he finds in defacing SkyMall magazines, an odd dream he had about Bea Arthur and his theory on how animals are trying to wipe out our species. But no matter the topic, we're happy he'll be reporting on it from his new home up north, where the introverts stare at their shoes and the extroverts stare at your shoes. Plus, make sure you stick around for the conclusion of VBT because Bedore now has a catchy little outro that was performed by his talented neighbors.

 

Eric Clapton's Cowboy Shirt Connection
Not just for guys on horseback or the Goodwill racks anymore, old time cowboy shirts are now highly collectible-treasured pieces of Western Americana. And like with any good collectible item, there’s got to be a guide available to help people know what to look for, and what distinguish the good from the bad. That’s where Steven Weil and his new book, Western Shirts come in. The book contains some of the fascinating facts and history behind the shirts as well as a complete list of 250 cowboy shirt labels so you can identify the manufacturer of your prized possession. And nobody is more qualified to write a book like this than author Steve Weil who has not only been wearing these duds since 1958, he’s also the third generation to run his family's firm, Rockmount Ranch Wear Mfg. Co.

FACTOID – Not long ago, Weil received an e-mail from Eric Clapton asking for more of his famous shirts. Not only did he place an order, Clapton also flew Weil out to the Cream Reunion concert, the same one attended by Tommy G.

 

And Now a Reading By Mike Birbiglia
For weeks now Mike Birbiglia has been sharing his stories from the road in a little segment he likes to call his Secret Public Journal, now accompanied by a snappy little intro featuring a full horn section. We're very excited to say that this week he'll be calling in to read his newest installment, and maybe do a little standup comedy as a added bonus. Recently, Mike's been taking part in a huge comedy tour with fellow friends of the show like Drew Hastings, Henry Phillips and Pat Godwin. You can sign up to have Mike's Secret Public Journal e-mailed directly to your in-box by clicking here.

FACTOID - In case you didn't notice him, Mike is one fourth of the now famous "Bob's Wedding Mystery Boobs" photo along with Tommy G. and the mystery breasts.

 

Bob Zany, Episode I: Attack of the Phones
Get ready this week for a double dose of Bob Zany. Not only do we get him on his usual day and time to deliver an all new Zany Report, we also get him live in the studio later this week and only the release of the new Star Wars movie could possibly compare to the excitement it brings. Bob Zany, legendary comedian and all around great guy, has confirmed that there is a possibility that this could be his greatest edition of the Zany Report ever! Though we're not going to bet the farm on this claim, as long as it's better than last week's Report, we'll be satisfied. Plus, let's not forget about America's favorite game show, "Fix the Joke Baby, Live!" where one lucky player will win Zany's popular comedy album, I Just Can't Win Baby, as well as a one year subscription to BOB&TOM's VIP.

 

NASCAR On
the Half Shell

NASCAR racing, once considered no more than a regional circuit of moonshiners pounding around low-country dirt tracks in a cloud of red dust and cliché, has somehow become the fastest-growing spectator sport in America -- and the buxom, bumpkin darling of Madison Avenue. With 75 million fans and its popularity soaring in every corner of the country, NASCAR is a 200-mile-an-hour traveling tent-and-revival show, a platinum-plated, multibillion-dollar V-8 hero machine -- a sports entertainment empire built at the very crossroads of pop culture, corporate commerce, and American mythology. Smart, funny, and profane, Sunday Money is the kaleidoscopic account of an entire season on the NASCAR circuit. Driving 48,000 miles in a tiny motorhome, writer Jeff MacGregor and his wife, an award-winning photographer, covered 36 races at 23 tracks in 18 states, from Daytona to Darlington, New Hampshire to California, from the Wal-Mart to the Waldorf, profiling the lives of superstar drivers like Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Tony Stewart, their crews, and their fans, across the grinding reach of a 40-week season.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 


"Ladies, we love you and want to care about things like eyelash curlers., but we don't."
- Mike Green

"I was afraid to tell another joke because I thought it might lead into another one of Tom's stories."
- Bob Zany

"I think I should move seats before the lord tries to strike Chick down."
- Rodney Johnson after Chick make a blasphemous comment

"Why do every one one of my jokes end with me running away?"
- Dan Kaufman

"I'm the dustbuster of comedy. I can suck the laughs out of any joke."
- Jimmy Pardo

"I wanna label everyone."
- Chick McGee on acceptance of everyone and everything.

"Thank god for you Kristi, actually believing that theater of the mind."
- Jimmy Pardo on people actually wanting to buy his ill-fated show Funny Money on DVD

"I think tuxedos have been tainted by ushers at movie theaters."
- Tom Griswold

"The only thing keeping me alive is knowing that I wasn't breast fed."
- Chick McGee

"Pizza is way more popular than I will ever be."
- Mike Birbiglia

"The glory days of carrying a sword have passed."
- Kristi Lee on thee replacement of the sword as a primary weapon

"You don't shoot people when you get fired, you steal stuff."
- Jimmy Shubert

"Not all Asians are bad drivers, just the ones from Asia."
- Kivi Rogers

"All baseball players look like cops. I mean, would you buy drugs from one of those scruffy guys on the Red Sox?"
- Doug Stanhope

"I want to make enough money to become a black republican."
- Alonzo Bodden

"My mother always touched me like I had something sticky on my shirt."
- Drew Hastings on his mother's loving nature

"My wife and I are very different. She's a perfectionist, and I guess I'm a half-assist."
- Dave Cooperman

"I would drive 20 miles to see a frog explode. But I would drive 200 miles to see a monkey ride a dog."
- Chick McGee after hearing the story about the exploding frogs

"When you told me you were trying to be funny I thought you were serious."
- Bob Kevoian to Chick after telling a bad joke

"Kobe Bryant said he'd give $1000 to the Tsunami victims for every point he scored. How'd you like to be the guy playing defense on him that night."
- Auggie Smith

"If you only had to declare when you were funny, we've had some comedians come through here who could be considered tax-free."
- Auggie Smith

"If there is anyone who doesn't need extra prayers to get into heaven, it's the Pope. Save your prayers fore someone on the bubble like me."
- Tim Bedore

"I know I'm getting older because I want to build a deck."
- Dwight Slade

"My last confession was so bad that my penance was to find a cure for cancer."
- Wild Bill Bauer

"When a woman says 'underwear' instead of 'panties' it makes you think she's also using a tampon the size of a life belt."
- Tom Griswold

"I'm 40 and don't know if I want to get married anymore. I just want someone to throw me a shower."
- Tracy Smith

"Hey, you wanna go make your parents proud."
- "Donny Baker" on his move

"To me, the E! network answers questions that you were never going to ask... like how was Full House made."
- Mike Birbiglia

"I have a loving family, make ends meet, but three out of five days I drive home sobbing."
- Chick McGee on Tom being mean to him

"Whatever happened to pretty flight attendants?"
- Chick McGee on Travel

"Aren't those people falafel crazy?"
- Jim Holder on what Iraqi's buy at bakeries.

"What's Dr. Phil's son going to do to follow in his footsteps, suck money off a rich black woman and start his own TV show?"
- Bob Kevoian

"People in Canada are still drinking as much, it's just that now they are watching JAG."
- Ian Bagg on the effect of no NHL in Canada

"I'm actually part Kennedy, which is why I've got the full head of hair."
- Pat Godwin on the validity of his song 'Mom's Little Secret'

"You can tell the Pope doesn't have a wife because she would have never let him leave the house wearing that hat."
- Tom Griswold

"Some people at the reception didn't seem to get the comedy that is The Chickster."
- Chick McGee on his R-rated performance at Bob's Wedding

"I don't usually act my height."
- Drew Hastings

"I could run from my brothers when they tried to beat me up, but they could never outrun my mouth. Which is probably why I'm still single today."
- Tammy Pescatelli

"Nothing says 'Happy Birthday Jesus' like the Vegas Strip."
- Mark Sweeney on spending Christmas in Vegas.

"What you hear in your head and what all the rest of us hear are two totally different things."
- Bob Kevoian to Chick after performing an impression

"Most people who get the crap beat out of them deserved it."
- Tom Griswold