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w w w . b o b a n d t o m . c o m           

September 5 - 9 2005

Win a Date With Auggie Smith
The ranting, raving, gun fighting comedian from Montana, Auggie Smith is looking for a date to his ex-girlfriends wedding. Though it may sound strange, Auggie is still on friendly terms with his ex, and still wants to attend her special day, but he doesn't want to go stag. He also doesn't want to waste time looking for a date. Instead, one lucky listener of the BOB&TOM Show will win an all-expenses-paid weekend with a wildly talented comedian, where they'll get to disrupt his ex’s wedding, and at the same time experience the most awkward first date possible. For more information on this extraordinary offer, visit auggiesmith.com for complete rules and entry.

FACTOID - Auggie Smith is one of the featured performers in this weekends Friends of the BOB&TOM Show Comedy Tour.

 

And Now a Word
From Dan St. Paul

Dan St. Paul isn’t just a huge baseball fan, he’s also a suburban husband and father who has to deal with the same daily frustrations as everyone else. The only difference is, while others just complain about their problems, Dan’s been using his as fodder for standup comedy material for years. Whether he’s talking about the pitfalls of living in San Francisco or how his son Roy is a bit of a nerd, St. Paul doesn’t just tell jokes, he creates stories filled with comedic characters and events. His storytelling techniques are showcased perfectly in is his bit, The First Baseball Game, which has spawned a number of sequels. These pieces rank among the most popular bits in BOB&TOM Show history, and have been featured on six of their albums.

FACTOID - Dan St. Paul is one of the featured performers in this weekends Friends of the BOB&TOM Show Comedy Tour.

 

Putting the 'Fun' Back in Dysfunctional
The short lived FOX comedy series Titus took viewers into the lives of two brothers trying to deal with their crude, abusive, sadistic, drunken father. It was your typical feel-good, all-american, heartwarming story. The amazing part about this series was that comedian Christopher Titus was able to take subject matter like this and turn it into comedy gold. Of course this comes as no surprise considering the show was based on Titus' real life, and he'd been using it as fodder for his outstanding standup comedy act for years. Though the series was a hit among critics, FOX, as always, cancelled the show way too soon. Now Titus is back out on the road and performing for audiences in clubs across the country.

FACTOID – Titus first gained national attention with his one-man show, "Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding."

 

The Life of Brian
When Brian Regan first started in standup, he was much more than a comedian, he was also a busboy, dishwasher, and cook. On more than one occasion, he would have to wrap up a set so that he could flip burgers for the crowd he’d just performed for. Eventually, he became a better comic than a cook, and was able to take his act on the road. Since then, Brian has become one of the more popular standup acts today, and pops up all over television with appearances on Conan, Letterman, MTV Comedy Half-Hour and specials on both Comedy Central and Showtime. Regan recently released his first comedy DVD, I Walked on the Moon, and will be appearing on Conan O'Brien this Friday.

 

He Will Not Be Mocked
There are only a handful of comedians that we refer to as ‘good friends of the show,’ but it’s hard to find a guy more deserving of this title than Drew Hastings. One of our favorite and most frequent visitors, it’s never a boring morning when Drew stops by. Whether he’s telling us about his life on the farm or arriving dressed in the latest in metrosexual fashion he never fails to give us more material to hold against him. Currently Drew is working on expanding his one-man show “Life & Other Short Stories,” and creating a mockumentary based on his alter ego, Jack Freeman. He also got a new dog, which we're sure to hear a lot about because you know it hasn't been a smooth transition. But when it involves Drew, what is?

 

The General Of The Red Raiders
In the history of college basketball, there have been only a handful of coaches who have become bigger than the teams they led, and the man arguably at the top of this list is Texas Tech head coach, Bob Knight. “The General” has been one of the NCAA’s winningest coaches and larger than life personalities since he took over the sidelines at Army when he was only 24 years old. He enjoyed success at Army, but it was when he took over at Indiana University that he truly became a legend. During his 29 seasons at IU, Knight led teams earned 1 Big Ten Conference titles, five Final Fours, one NIT championship (1979), one 32-0 undefeated season (1976) and three NCAA championships (1976, 1981, 1987). He is one of only four coaches in NCAA history to have won over 800 games, but is by far #1 when it comes to creating memorable (and sometimes controversial) moments on the court and during press conferences. Coach Knight has been generous enough to donate a number of items to the Peyton Manning Katrina Relief Auction. Check out the item list to find out more.

FACTOID – In 1984, he became one of only three coaches to win the "Triple Crown" of coaching, winning NCAA and NIT titles and an Olympic gold medal. He also won the NCAA title as a player with Ohio State in 1960.

 

Frodo No More
Elijah Wood first broke into Hollywood as a standout child actor, starring in hit films like Avalon, Radio Flyer and Forever Young alongside some of the biggest names in film. However, unlike countless other up and coming child actors, Elijah has been able to maintain his status on Hollywood’s a-list. He cemented his fame by starring in the epic Lord of the Rings trilogy as the heroic hobbit, Frodo Baggins. Though this film franchise has gone on to become one of the biggest money makers in history, Wood wasn’t satisfied living off its success. Since the final films release, Wood has gone on to star in less family friendly movies such as Sin City, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and most recently Green Street Hooligans. In his latest film, Wood stars as a wrongfully expelled Harvard undergrad who moves to London, where he is introduced to the violent underworld of soccer hooliganism.

FACTOID – Elijah Wood, along with each of the other “fellowship members” from Lord of the Rings got the same tattoo, the number nine written in Elvish. Elijah's is just below his waist.

 

Filipino Funnyman
Filipino funnyman Dan Gabriel knew from an early age that he was funnier than most of his peers, it just took until he entered college for them to get his jokes. Once there, he found he could crack almost anyone up which is why he made the logical jump to standup comedy. After graduation, Dan moved back to the Bay Area to climb the competitive ranks of the San Francisco comedy scene. From these humble beginnings, Gabriel worked his way from opening act to nationally touring headliner. Working as a clean, clever, and laid back comedian, Dan has appeared on Comedy Central's Premium Blend, CBS's Star Search, and NBC's Late Friday. He also co-developed and hosted the hit first season of Asia Street Comedy, on AZN TV.

 

The Summer of Burr
For the past ten years, comedian Bill Burr has been working hard to establish himself as one of the finest standup comics in the business. And he’s had no shortage of opportunities to do this, averaging over 300 shows a year in a variety of venues. It doesn’t matter if he’s performing on Late Night With Conan O’Brien or Showtime at the Apollo; Burr finds a way to connect with any audience. In his early days of comedy, he did this by making fun of his lunatic father, but these days he covers everything from current events to, well, his lunatic father. This year has been a productive one for Burr. He’s been featured on The Late Show with David Letterman, starred in two films (Perfect Fit and Passionatta), is debuting an HBO special on September 16th and to top it off, is making his first appearance on The BOB&TOM Show. Bill has also just released a new live comedy CD, Emotionally Unavailable, which is available on his website.

 

You've Heard Words To Remember
Tim Bedore has been on a hot streak lately with his weekly Vague But True editorials, which is why we're so eager to find out what his next installment will be about. Over the past year, these musings have helped us learn a lot about Tim, including his predictions on the upcoming year, the joy he finds in defacing SkyMall magazines, the constant struggle between being a good father and a good comedian and his theory on how animals are trying to wipe out our species. But no matter the topic, we're happy he'll be reporting on it from his new home up north, where the introverts stare at their shoes and the extroverts stare at your shoes. Plus, make sure you stick around for the conclusion of VBT because Bedore now has a catchy little outro that you just can't help but sing along with.

 

The Long Awaited Return of Duke's NFL Song
Because you demanded it, but mostly because we love it so much, this week marks the return of Duke Tumatoe's popular weekly report of the happenings in professional football, The NFL Song. Start circling Wednesdays on your calendar because each and every hump day for the next 17 weeks Duke will drop in to deliver a bluesy musical review of the week that was (or in this case, the week that will be) in the National Football League. If by some chance you've never heard The NFL Song in all the years he's been performing it, trust us, this annual fall feature is not to be missed. Think of it as the inexpensive version of the NFL Sunday Ticket.

SIDE NOTE - Though this hasn't been confirmed, we've heard rumors that along with the return of the NFL Song, Bass Talk will also be kicking off a brand new season.

 

What a Surprise! It's Bob Zany!
It’s time again for everyone’s favorite weekly feature, The Zany Report starring comedy legend Bob Zany. In case you’re new to the show or are unfamiliar with the concept of The Zany Report, we’ll explain how it works. Every Tuesday, Bob Zany calls in to deliver a handful of jokes based on current events and comical news stories. Though his intention is to present a report that is hilarious from top to bottom, it doesn’t always work out this way. Of course as good hosts, BOB&TOM are always kind enough to point out which of his jokes came up a little short in the laughs department. This is where you the listener come into play because Zany then invites a lucky fan to call in and fix one of his flat punch lines in a little game he calls Fix-The-Joke Baby! Sounds easy, doesn’t it? To find out more, got to bobzany.com, baby!

 

 

 

 

 

 


"I still love my ex-wife. And so can you for $60."
- Dwight Slade

"They put directions on a box of Pop Tarts. Are there really people out there going "What do I do? How do I get this goodness in me?"
- Brian Regan on pointless directions

"At least you guys are good at what you do. As a traveling comedian I have to do radio with hacks like Wally and the Omelet."
- Christopher Titus on how some DJ's interrupt comics during the setup for a joke

"My goal is to have the most awkward first date ever."
- Auggie Smith on his contest to find a date to his ex-girlfriend's wedding

"I've started up on a new medication that has rendered my penis ineffective."
- Drew Hastings

"For Chick, happy hour only lasts 10 minutes."
- Drew Hastings

"Seven years of neglect is not cured by a tic-tac in the waiting room of the doctors office."
- Bill Burr on dental hygiene

"The reason they suspended that player nine games for betting the kid to drink a gallon of milk is because that would be 2% of the season."
- Tom Griswold

"My neighbor came over the other day and told me that he thought my wife was cheating on us."
- Kevin Jordan

"My mom is like a uterus with a head."
- Carlos Mencia on being one of 18 kids

"Bob, I have to go, the egg man is here."
- Herm Johnson

"Have you ever noticed that countries whose names end in 'stan' always suck. We should just change the name to Afganisuck"
- Tom Griswold

"Apparently there is no Bug Kama Sutra because they all seem to be doing it the same way every time."
- Bob Kevoian on nature

"It's too bad you can't do good things when you're black out drunk. You never hear, 'hey man, you were so wasted last night that you balanced my check book."
- Lee Levine

"How do you know when fish goes bad? It still smells like fish."
- Jim Gaffigan

"I don't speak Chinese, but I figure if I try, I've got to be saying something."
- Harland Williams

"When girls make out it sells videos, when guys make out it clears out a room."
- Chris Porter

"You know how hard it is to ditch someone on a plane?"
- Tom Griswold on traveling with Pat Godwin

"I just got fired from the zoo. Apparently I put the laughing hyenas and the mocking birds too close to the paranoid animals."
- Bruce Baum

"You're new album cover is a parody of something nobody will recognize. It's like doing a great impression of someone from your high school."
- Tom Griswold to Henry Phillips

"Comedy isn't always about laughs."
- Henry Phillips

"God doesn't care about the preseason."
- Daniel Tosh after seeing a guy celebrate a preseason touchdown by pointing toward the heavens

"I just want get so famous that I can hold press conferences."
- Daniel Tosh

"We're not doing a phoner with an f'n monkey!"
- Bob Kevoian at a recent staff meeting

"I'm not wearing any panties."
- Kristi Lee