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October 6 - 10

October 10, 2003
Hey, You Look Like
Bobcat Goldthwait

Bobcat Goldthwait made a name for himself in the 80s with his stand up comedy, and Police Academy movies, but it wasn't until last July of '02 that he made his first appearance on the BOB&TOM Show. With this one stop, he became one of the most talked about guests of the year, and was featured on the album, BOB&TOM Gone Wild. Now it seems that Mr. Goldthwait is everywhere. He's directing and starring in a brand new Comedy Central movie Windy City Heat and just released his first comedy album in 15 years, I Don't Mean To Insult You, But You Look Like Bobcat Goldthwait.

FACTOID - Goldthwait made his directorial debut in "Shakes the Clown," which is considered to be the “Citizen Kane” of alcoholic clown movies.

 

October 10, 2003
Dignity Under Duress
Maryellen Hooper is well equipped to provide nonstop laughter with her unique brand of storytelling and quirky physical humor. She describes her material as "just plain silly, fun stuff everybody can appreciate." Whether it’s dating disasters, workplace catastrophes, personal grooming problems or the challenges of home Hooper is the example of Dignity Under Duress… which coincidentally is title of her first comedy album.

 

October 10, 2003
MNF Sideline Hottie Lisa Guerrero to Guest Star on George Lopez
George Lopez, the hit comedy series created by longtime friend of the show George Lopez (ironically enough), is the new lead in program for ABC's all new TGIF lineup. Lopez's program has developed such a large following in its first two seasons that it was chosen to anchor this legendary night of TV sitcoms... following in the footsteps of other great TGIF classics like Perfect Strangers, Full House, and Family Matters.

In other exciting news, Monday Night Football sideline reporter Lisa Guerrero is set to make a guest appearance on this Friday's episode portraying the role of George's long lost sister. From her early years as a cheerleader to her following years as a sports reporter, Lisa's career has been full of dream sports gigs. Before MNF, she hosted a sports quiz show called "Sports Geniuses" and was an anchor on FOX's "The Best Damn Sports Show Period
."

 
October 10, 2003
Enlightening Audiences One Laugh at a Time
Born in Mexico and raised in East Los Angeles, Latino comic and “Tonight Show” veteran Willie Barcena began his comedy career just short six years ago. Like many other standup comics, Willie got his start at an open mic in an LA comedy club. From there, Willie added writing and acting to his credits, using both of those skills in his one-man show, Cry Like a Man. Aside from making people laugh, Barcena hopes to use his comedy as a tool to enlighten people with cultural awareness without perpetuating negative stereotypes.
 

October 9, 2003
Procktober-fest
If you’re a man over 40, get ready to drop your drawers and assume the position. It’s everyone’s favorite part of the year, time for that always-exciting annual prostate exam. In celebration of “Procktober,” our very own Chick McGee will offer up his bum to the probing finger of a proctologist as an on-air reminder that men need to get that little gland you can only access through your anus checked every year. The National Prostate Cancer Coalition is making it even easier for guys to have this done with their purple and white “Colon Cruiser.” The Drive Against Prostate Cancer has given over 22 thousand free examinations to males across the country so far… meaning this vehicle has gotten more ass in the backseat than any other auto in history.

Side Note – Don’t just have this procedure done in the back of any old white cargo van with tinted windows and carpet on the walls… make sure it’s the official “Drive Against Prostate Cancer” performing the probing.

 

October 9, 2003
The Smothers Brothers Back on TV
The Smothers Brothers, Dick & Tom, are among the longest lasting and most successful comedy teams of all time. Their storied careers in comedy date back to the late 1950’s when they began performing in San Francisco. Not long after, the brothers found themselves making regularly appearances on television which led to them landing their very own, very popular and often controversial television show, "The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour." Though considered to be a little too risqué when it was originally aired, the program is now studied in universities across the country as an important factor in the revolutionary changes undergone in the U. S. during the 1960's. The Comedy Hour has been off the air for nearly 40 years but the Smothers Brothers continue to pop up on the on the small screen to this day. Dick & Tom will make an appearance on the sitcom “Life With Bonnie” as a couple of bumbling building contractors
Friday, October 10 on ABC.

FACTOID – Not just a comedian, Tom Smothers is also a very talented golfer, and a world class Yo-Yo master. He’s been known to combine his two favorite hobbies while on the green… being the only guy who can sink a putt using a yo-yo.

 

October 9, 2003
Music with a Message
For the most part, comedian Sean Morey's songs usually contain very heartfelt and well thought out messages. His tune Ghost Chickens in the Sky examines poultry's plight against the farmer's ax, his Man Song discusses the power struggle between men and women, and On the Internet is all about how hard it is to find love in today's society. The messages may not sound as profound when accompanied by his banjo, but if you can get past that, these songs might possibly change your life. Except for maybe the Hermaphrodite Song... that one is just plain weird.

If you'd like to sample some of these wonderful melodies, check out the Sean Morey Audio Page.

 

October 9, 2003
Kobe Hearing Scheduled For Today
In Colorado, the day the NBA has been dreading is finally here. With Kobe still defiant in his defense and the alleged victim and the prosecution team unwilling to settle the case, it looks as though the preliminary hearing will take place today as scheduled. Legal analyst for USA Today, Mark Shaw, says that it would be smart for Bryant's defense team to seek a delay in today’s hearing. We’ll find out why when we speak with Mr. Shaw about the trial that’s bound to keep the country glued to the news as it unfolds in the months ahead.

 
October 9, 2003
Jim Dreyer Swims Length of Lake Michigan
Good friend of the show and ultra-marathon athlete Jim "The Shark" Dreyer has became the first person to swim the length of Lake Michigan, in an event titled the "Lake Michigan 340." Dreyer crossed Lake Michigan in a continuous swim way back in '98, but this time around he accomplished an even more amazing task, he swam the length of the lake going the long way. This feat gives Jim another world record, and makes him even more determined to try and tackle long-time rival Lake Superior again next summer. The Shark entered the icy waters of Lake Michigan back on September 8th and swam along the coast line 20-30 miles at a time.... stopping only for food and sleep. After a month in the water, his journey is over and it is mission accomplished. As always, Jim put his life and health on the line for more than just a record, he pushed his body to the limit to help raise funds and awareness for the Big Brothers Big Sisters Program.
 

October 8, 2003
The Man in Black is Back For More
Comedian Drew Hastings is definitely on our list of favorite all-time guests. And while it's true this is a very long list, what separates Drew's visits from all others is that they're always an adventure. Each time he stops by we learn a little more about how his twisted mind works, and at the same time gain insight into his interesting “alternative” (metrosexual) lifestyle. Very few others… actually, no one else has ever shown up to the show wearing a sash, riding a horse, or driving an old, boat-sized automobile that they purchased on eBay. But it's quirks like these that make Drew so loveable. Though Hastings is unlike anyone you'll ever meet (if you're lucky), he still insists, he's “Just Like You.”

VIP Members - Need some Drew right now, check out his very own Audio Page

 

October 8, 2003
Bill Calls, Bob's Gone... Coincidence?
If we had to choose our favorite guest that works for both The Late Show with David Letterman and Sports Illustrated, we would pick Bill Scheft every time, no question. Oddly enough though, it seems whenever Scheft is scheduled to put in a call to the show, Bob's out of town. Whether he's away on "nudie vacations," serving as a caddy in Augusta, or avoiding "Nessie" while playing the links in Scotland, Bob always has some excuse for avoiding Bill's calls. Though Scheft is developing a complex over this, it's not going to put a damper on his spirits , especially after his Patriots beat the Titans and Red Sox made it to the ALCS. Plus, Scheft's got to get in a few good plugs for his now classic novel, The Ringer.

 
October 8, 2003
The Last Action Heroine
From the people who brought you the Worst-Case Scenario, comes a book that teaches women how easy it is to become a Wonder Woman in their own right. What young lady hasn't dreamed of being able to handle themselves like Laura Croft or kick ass like Charlie's Angles? With the help of author Jennifer Worick, now you can. The Action Heroine's Handbook is the ultimate woman's guide on how to live the action-packed lifestyle, with genuine step-by-step instructions. How many times have you needed to win a catfight, go undercover as a beauty queen or choke a man with your bare thighs and had no idea how to go about it? Never again! All the information presented is reality-based and comes from people who know about these kinds of things (including FBI agents, zoologists, karate champions, wedding planners, and air duct cleaners). Accompanied by detailed illustrations throughout, The Action Heroine's Handbook will bring out the Power Girl in all of us.
 

October 8, 2003
The NFL Song - Week 5
After five weeks of NFL play, the season is still up for grabs. With four teams still boasting undefeated records, and many more right on their heels, it is still anyone's guess as to who will be facing off at the end of January. This is why it's more important than ever to keep up with all the goings on in the NFL and who better to recap the action and info than Duke Tumatoe and his NFL Song. The Colts made history with an unbelievable Monday night comeback, Donovan McNabb got another win after all the press, and only one of the "homecoming" games worked out well for those returning to their roots... what a week! This gives Duke a lot to work into one song so don't you dare miss it. Plus, don't miss the always exciting Bass Talk, and perhaps another delicious half-time recipe.

 
 

October 8, 2003
Viricolaaaaaa!
Simply put, Charlie Viracola wants to change the world into one that's more suited for his high energy, off beat points of view, and low tolerance for ignorance. What would this new world be called, you ask? He’s fond of “Planet Charlie.” Though it’s no creative stretch, it does get the point across. Aside from creating new worlds, Viracola is also a master in the arts of mime, juggling, escape, stilt walking, and the unicycle.

 

October 7, 2003
Randy Quaid as Hank Shaw
Randy Quaid, brother of Dennis Quaid, and famous for his portrayal of Cousin Eddie in the Vacation movies is returning to television in a brand new CBS series. Quaid plays Hank Shaw, the unpredictable and often irritable sheriff of a small New England town in the drama “The Brotherhood of Poland, NH.” The show focuses on the relationship of three brothers who grew up as hockey stars in Poland, NH, but are finding it much more difficult to handle the problems that creep up later in life like marriage, kids, and being out of work. Though Quaid is no rookie when it comes to television, he's most recognizable for his big screen roles. Aside from playing Cousin Eddie in three different films (with a fourth Vacation movie in the works) Quaid has starred in blockbusters like Independence Day, King Pin, Days of Thunder, and the Last Picture Show. “The Brotherhood of Poland, NH” airs Wednesdays on CBS.

 

October 7, 2003
A New Streak?
It's time again for that fabulous feature, The Zany Report, as brought to you each week by the legendary comedian, Bob Zany. Last week, Bob put together a stellar report that actually solicited genuine laughter from the cast, but the big question is, does he have what it takes to present a second A+ installment in a row? Though Bob has personally promised that this week's will be among the best Reports of the year (which doesn't say a whole lot), we'll still have America's Favorite game show "Fix the Joke Baby (Live)" to save the segment if it isn't. And once again some lucky fan will win a a few T-shirts, Zany's chart topping CD, I Just Can't Win Baby, and a very valuable one year subscription to the BOB&TOM VIP site.

 

October 7, 2003
Elvis is Alive!
“The King” recorded many, many songs. Not all of them were hits, or even ones that you would want to listen to more than once, but there sure were a lot of ‘em and Ernst Jorgensen is the guy responsible for separating the gold from the garbage. As the keeper of the Elvis Presley vaults, Jorgensen does much more than just sit around and groove to old Elvis tunes, he’s an expert on The King. He's authored a number of books on the subject including Elvis Presley: A Life in Music. Jorgensen has also spent time in the recording studio producing new albums containing some of the most beloved songs ever recorded by Big E. His first attempt at an archive album Elvis 30 #1 Hits, was such a huge success that it was only natural to want to release a second collection… that being 2nd to None. This brand new must-have for Elvis fans hits stores October 7th.

• Original illustration by Jordan Ward

 

 



"The difference between the doctor's office and prison is the lubrication."
-Bob Kevoian on prostate exams

"I want to wear Chick's ass like a hat."
- From a letter to BOB&TOM

"The cup said it was safe when I poured the coffee on my penis."
- Tom Griswold on a cup that tells you the temperature of the drink

"Masturbation is the highway to health."
- Chick McGee

"It's not rock n' roll without a finger up your butt."
- Kristi on Procktober

"When I'm in the bathroom, it sounds like a drug bust."
- Chick McGee

"That will dry things up real quick."
- Gunner on the guy who asks women to wear his dead wife's close during blind dates

"The head of my penis was so shiny I could fix my hair in it."
- Drew Hastings after using Viagra

"The last thing the world needs is another middle-aged fat guy singing."
- Randy Quaid

"It must be hard for a gay animal trainer to find work."
- Gunner on Roy's tiger accident

"I would be the first in line to get stoned with Courtney Love."
- Gunner

"Lower my taxes and you can grab as much ass as you want to."
- Tom Griswold on Arnold being govoner

"What was that movie called? The Sun Never Sets on My Vagina?"
- Tom Griswold trying to remember Under the Tuscan Sun

"I knew that I could act once I saw Ray do it."
- Kevin James on Ray Romano's acting skills

"If I see somebody wearing two hats at the same time, I think 'probable cause.'"
- Tom Griswold on the new fashion

"I'm glad my wife don't get this show where we live."
- Larry Reeb after talking about his favorite strip clubs

"Why would you go to med school for eight years just to play with some guys hairy ass."
- Larry Reeb on proctologists

"There is no 'wife' in 'team.'"
- Tom Griswold on Kurt Warner's wife spouting off in a radio interview

"It's hard to look cool with a bloody face."
- "Diamond Dave" after hitting himself in the face with a staff

"I never knew how much I would like a donkey."
- Tom Griswold about "Donkey Dick"

"I am sick and tired of you talking about asses all the time."
- Kristi Lee to Tom

"I don't want my last memory of Chick breathing to be me shoving an ice cube up his ass."
- Tom Griswold on the bizarre drug OD revival technique

"When did you become Mrs. Hitler?"
- Tom Griswold on Kristi giving him a hard time

"That's a boner deflater."
- Bob Kevoian

"It's not history, it's HERstory."
- Chick McGee on the new feminist Bible.

"Even the worst orgasm I ever had was fantastic."
- Chick McGee