Jokes
Audio clips
Events link Archives link Frequently asked questions link

w w w . b o b a n d t o m . c o m           

October 17 - 21 2005

One of the Greats
Being one of the funniest and most well respected standup comedians in the nation, it's no wonder Robert Schimmel was featured alongside fellow funnymen Bill Cobsy, Dennis Miller, George Carlin, Sam Kinison and many more on the new comedy compellation CD, Hey That's Funny!: Comedy's Greatest Hits. Now it's true that Schimmel is frank, funny and usually surrounded by controversy due to blue nature of his comedy, but it's not because he's excessively dirty. It's just that his comical musings tend to tread on darker subjects than most comedians would dare. However, this hasn't kept him from appearing on multiple HBO specials, one of which, Unprotected, is finally available on DVD. He's also got a new comedy album out, Resurrection, which is a fitting title considering he came out victorious in a fight against cancer.

CTOID - Robert Schimmel isn't the only celebrity in the family. His mother is the author of the fascinating book, To See You Again: A True Story of Love in a Time of War. After reading it, legendary director Steven Spielberg asked her and her husband over to dinner at his home. Robert, however, was not invited.

 

The Life and Times of Dan Grueter
When you're the youngest of eleven kids you're going to grow up either crazy or funny. Comedian Dan Grueter turned out to be both. Grueter has been described as a comedian who's more well rounded than a urinal mint. While we're not quite sure how this comparison applies in any context, we do know that Dan is one of our favorites (comedians, not urinal mints). Grueter's made multiple appearances on B&T albums over the years, sharing stories from his life. We've learned what it was like to sit through his never-ending Catholic wedding, how inept he is at interviewing for a job, and his alma-mater's love of college football.

 

He Worked With Linsay Lohan
Pete Lee may be relatively new to standup comedy, but he’s already proven that if you put him in a televised comedy competition, he'll finish toward the top. Twice he’s been entered in competitions on Comedy Central, and twice he’s come up just short of winning, but don't scoff, how high did you finish? Self described as an adorable, smart mouth with a 12th grade vocabulary, Lee is constantly pursuing acting work along with developing his blossoming standup career. He’s appeared in television commercials for McDonalds and Michelob and just recently released his first comedy CD “Gasmoney,” which was picked up by XM Satellite Radio. Pete also just wrapped filming on the new film A Prairie Home Companion :The Movie, which stars Lindsay Lohan, Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep.

 

From Wall Street to The Chuckle Hut
Paul Mercurio’s talent for comedy was first utilized by Jay Leno when he was hired to write monologues for The Tonight Show. However, unlike a lot of other comedians, Paul had a really good job before going into comedy. After graduating with a law degree from Georgetown Law School, Paul began working as a lawyer and investment banker on Wall Street. That's where Leno discovered Mercurio and encouraged him to give up the high pressure world of stocks and bonds for a life of brick-wall backdrops and heckling audiences. So far, the move has turned out to be a good one. Along with a promising standup career, Paul has become an Emmy Award winning writer for Comedy Central's The Daily Show and makes regular appearances on MSNBC and FOX News as a political satirist.

 

Rise and Shine with Mike MacRae
A few months ago, Mike MacRae had a little trouble with his wake up call and didn't make it in when he was scheduled. Since that time, he's become a stickler for promptness, which means this time he'll be here bright and early. Not only does Mike perform a hysterical comedy act full of insightful social commentary, he also has an arsenal full of outstanding celebrity impressions that you rarely hear anyone else do. As far as we know, there aren't any other comedians mimicking the voices of Harrison Ford, Rip Torn, Vince Vaughn or comedian Henry Phillips. Mike has been cast as a voice actor in dozens of popular anime cartoons and when he isn't performing solo, he joins with five fellow Houston natives to form the infamous Whiskey Brothers comedy team.

 

Hey, I know This Guy
Comedian Keith Alberstadt says that if you can't laugh at yourself, than you're not looking hard enough. He's also said a lot of other things, but they really have no place in the rest of this bio. As a stand-up, Alberstadt i s laid back and easy to enjoy because his material is based on the kind of observations any audience can relate to including everything from fantasy football to being the whitest white guy you’ll ever meet. You may not know Keith personally, but he’ll remind you of your witty uncle, clueless bachelor friend and favorite drinking buddy all in one.

FACTOID – The last time Keith stopped by, Chick McGee said that Alberstadt looks like he could have been a member of the evil fraternity in the movie Animal House.

 

You've Heard Words to Remember...
Tim Bedore has been a weekly Wednesday fixture on the show with his Vague But True editorials, which is why we're so eager to find out what his next installment will be about. Over the past year, these musings have helped us learn a lot about Tim, including his daughter's relationship with their dog, his thoughts on creationism, a lonely trip down a gay nude beach, and his theory on how animals are trying to wipe out our species. But no matter the topic, we're happy he'll be reporting on it from his new home up north, where the introverts stare at their shoes and the extroverts stare at your shoes. In other exciting news, Tim's new CD, Vague But True, is hot off the presses. Get your copy of this new CD featuring over 30 of Tim's best VBT's to date.

 

The NFL Song - Week 7
Week six of the NFL season has come to a close, so why not relive all the exciting action by tuning into Duke Tumatoe's The NFL Song. It's like having on-demand television except this is only on Wednesdays and there's no picture. This week we saw the Patriots fail to put together a game saving drive, the Colts remain undefeated, a number of games go into OT and the Texans getting blown out on Sunday Night Football. And did you hear LT ran, caught AND passed for a TD on Sunday? With all that action and more taking place this weekend, Duke's got a lot of pressure on him to fit all this week's action into one exciting song. And who knows, maybe this week we'll even be treated to a new episode of Bass Talk.

 

Proving That Sitcom Writers Can Be Funny
You may not see him on ABC's hit comedy show, Rodney, very often, but if you laugh while watching it, comedian Mark Gross is a big reason why. Along with being a talented writer, Gross is also an accomplished and brutally honest stand-up comedian. When he hits the stage you soon find out that when it comes to getting laughs, nothing is off limits, and no one is safe. Gross has been seen on the Tonight Show and Comedy Central’s Premium Blend, and he was a long time writer for the late night talk show Politically Incorrect. Mark recently released his first live comedy album Meet Mark Gross, which is available through Capitol Records.

 

A Look at the NFL From the Inside
John Feinstein is one of the most celebrated and enjoyed sports writers of all time. There's very little in the world of sports that his books haven't covered, from the NBA to the PGA, Feinstein has written a bestseller on it. One uncharted territory though is the NFL, America's favorite and probably most secretive sport. In his new book, Next Man Up John was able to break down some of those walls by spending an entire season with the Baltimore Ravens. From the first days of training camp to the final play of the final game, John had unprecedented and unlimited access to all the inner-workings of an NFL franchise. If his past works are any indication (Season on the Brink, A Good Walk Spoiled, The Punch, Let Me Tell You a Story) this book will give readers a look at the near life-or-death drama of professional football as it's never been revealed before

 

Bob Zany: Joke Teller, and All Around Nice Guy
It's time again for that fabulous feature, The Zany Report, as brought to you each week by Bob Zany. This man of comedic courage runs the comedy gauntlet every Tuesday, hoping that his report will lead to roaring laughter throughout the studio. And though he normally falls just a bit short, this legendary talent refuses to give up or give in. Also, one lucky fan will attempt to improve a Zany punchline by playing Fix The Joke, Baby (live) where they can win a boatload of prizes including a one year BOB&TOM VIP membership, a couple of ultra cool T-shirts and a whole lot more!

 

Boogity Boogity Boogity
Darrell Waltrip, better known to racing fans as "Ol' DW," spent 29 years putting his life on the line racing cars around oval tracks. He recounts many of his favorite stories from his days on the NASCAR circuit in his new biography DW - A Lifetime Going Around in Circles. Since retiring from active racing, DW has remained a major part of the sport. The only difference is that instead of doing his work behind the wheel, he's now in the broadcast booth, working as an analyst for the FOX network. During his driving days, Waltrip was one of the most victorious weekend warriors in the history of NASCAR, winning at least one race each year from 1975-1989. He earned three Winston Cup trophies in his career and ranks third all-time in total victories, capturing a total of 84 checked flags. Along with his commentary duties, Darrell remains active in racing as a team owner in the NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series.

FACTOID - Darrell Waltrip was recently inducted into the International Motorsports Hall of Fame.

 

Lord of the Pompadour
The last few times comedian Lord Carrett has stopped by, he's brought a couple of unexpected visuals with him, which can still be seen on his pompadour page. First there was the Tompadour, which demonstrated what Tommy G. would look like with Lord's hair. This was soon followed by the equally exciting Bobpadour. Now, just when we thought we'd seen it all, Lord Carrett tells us that he's ready to unveil his latest creation, the Chickpadour. Though Lord spends hours working on his immaculately cared for hair, he does find time to write and perform standup comedy. He's also ready to release a brand new live comedy album, Lord Carrett: Unsweetened.

FACTOID - Lord Carrett's new CD is truly a live recording with only one take and no editing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


"Being the last of 11 kids is like showing up to a New Years party at 1:15am."
- Dan Grueter on missing out on everything due to being the youngest child

"I saw the hottest woman ever wearing a Chicago Bears. I thought that was awesome, a hot chick that likes failure."
- Pete Lee, a huge Packers fan

"Oh good, a Power Point presentation. That means you've taken your stupidity and put it on the wall."
- Tom Griswold on meetings

"This is my water bed, baby. I make the payments and the rules."
- Donny Baker

"This new Marilyn Manson cologne smells a lot like Alice Cooper."
- Tom Griswold

"This isn't me picking a date. This is me rejecting 200 women."
- Auggie Smith on his "Win a Date" contest

"Shut up Randy, you couldn't get to third base with a bowling ball."
- Donny Baker on his boss' lack of experience

"They say that only 1% of the population is gay. If that's the case, I've slept with all of them."
- Jason Stuart

"Women say that gray hair is distinguishing. That's true. That's how they distinguish who to sleep with.
- Sean Morey on aging

"If I bought a box of 96 condoms, I'd have to leave some in my will. To my nephew, I leave 90 condoms."
- Larry Reeb on buying in bulk at Costco

"You look like a match stick."
- Bob Kevoian on Tom's red face (due to a medical procedure.)

"I accidentally walked in on my roommate and his girlfriend having sex. Fortunately they didn't see me for almost 10 minutes."
- Nathan Trenholm

"You know you've lost your sex appeal when you go to pay a hooker and she says it's free if you promise not to tell anybody."
- Robert Hawkins

"The new Da Vinci Code conspiracy is that Jesus was married. I don't know if that's true, but if it is, that would explain why he didn't stop his crucifixion."
- Scott Dunn on Marriage

"I've been playing a lot of Madden '06 recently. Just yesterday I was the Oakland Raiders and I went up against their arch rivals... the police."
- "Larry King"

"Philosophers have been trying to prove the existence of God since the beginning of time. Now Allstate has him traipsing around my yard."
- Drew Hastings on his insurance company denying his claim and calling it an act of God.

"It's called a plasma TV because you have to sell you own blood to afford one."
- Don McMillan

"I feel bad for prostitutes. With the way they dress, how are you supposed to distinguish them from 10th graders."
- Randy Lubas

"In your 20's you're single. When you're in your 30's you're just alone."
- Nick Griffin on not being in a relationship