Jokes
Audio clips
Events link Archives link Frequently asked questions link

w w w . b o b a n d t o m . c o m           

November 25 - 29

You Never Know Who You're Gonna Get
Darrell Hammond has become a regular fixture on NBC’s Saturday Night Live, and is now entering his eighth season on the show as a repertory player. He’s a little hard to recognize on the show because he is best known for the many impressions he performs on a weekly basis which have an uncanny accuracy and range. After playing President Bill Clinton for most of his time in office, Hammond has taken over playing practically the entire Bush Administration sometimes in the same sketch. He also does a dead on Jesse Jackson, Dan Rather, Phil Donahue and many, many more.

 
 
Kenny Smith
Kenny is originally from Ohio, now living in L.A.  Ready to pursue some real television credits, Kenny has headlined clubs across the country.  He is young and loaded with energy that can be seen via his physical use of the stage stool and his body!  Kenny is known to ad lib during his performance with success.  Television credits include Late Night with Conan O’Brien, Mystery Files of Shelby Woo (Nickelodeon) and Club 54 (a Canadian show)
 

Joe Garner
Tunes into TV's Past
Joe Garner is the author of quite a few best-sellers including We Interrupt this Broadcast, The Crowd Goes Wild, and Echoes of Notre Dame Football, all of which capture great media moments that shaped America today. His new book, Stay Tuned, is no different. In it, he has gathered 36 landmark moments from news, sports, and entertainment in an anthology that comes to life through detailed, behind-the-scenes accounts and firsthand anecdotes. The book is illustrated with hundreds of photographs and is packaged with CDs and DVD that show the featured clips, narrated by Walter Cronkite, Bob Costas, and Dick Van Dyke.

 

The Biggest Name
in Comedy
His humor has been described as smart, pointed, hip, sharp, insightful, socially relevant, and gut-laugh funny and he’s been described as a “casually brilliant joke philosopher.” But according to Tom Griswold, Costaki Economopoulos is Greek for “funny.” So funny in fact that he has written spec scripts for Everybody Loves Raymond and Curb Your Enthusiasm. Aside from standup comedy, Costaki is still looking for a full time staff writing position if anybody “knows a guy.” But until then, he has a few irons in the fire so keep an eye out for the longest name in comedy in the credits of your favorite show. It’s hard to miss.

 

These People Are Stuffing More Than The Turkey
According to the International Federation of Competitive Eating (IFOCE), scarfing down large quantities of food is the next big thing in sports. Anyone can put a ball in a hoop, or catch a 30 yard bullet pass, but it takes a real athlete to down 50 hot dogs in a single sitting. Whether it's chicken wings or giant donuts, more and more people are coming out to watch these competitions. According to IFOCE President Richard Shea, the best part of competitive eating is that there is no off season. From the Glutton Bowl, to Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest, the "athletes" of the IFOCE travel all over the country all year long, shoveling as much food in their mouth as is humanly possible. The next event on this leg of the tour is one in which America's finest competitive eaters will gather at Mickey Mantle's restaurant for the 2002 Thanksgiving Invitational to determine who can consume the greatest number of servings of turkey, stuffing, green beans and cranberry sauce. The eater who puts away the most plates in 12 minutes will be crowned the undisputed "Master of the Thanksgiving Meal."

"I am very bullish on the rules at this one, because it is an invitational," says Shea. "All of the competitors have won some of our bigger events. This is like the Masters of competitive eating."

 

Dan Grueter Returns
Dan Grueter has been described as a comedian who's more well rounded than a urinal mint. Though we’re not sure exactly what that means, he can still be considered a favorite of BOB & TOM’s. He's appeared on multiple B&T albums over the years, sharing stories from his strange life. One of which involves his time at Ohio State University, which we are offering up for free. That way when Dan stops by, you can no longer say that you aren't familiar with his work.


George Opens for Paul McCartney
When longtime friend of the show, George Lopez was given his own sitcom, strategically titled, George Lopez, he wanted to make sure it wasn't your average cookie-cutter comedy, where all life's problems could be solved in 22 minutes. He's succeeded. His fresh approach to family comedy is just one reason that his show made it off the chopping block last year, while many other debut series were canceled after only a few episodes. George Lopez, now in its sophomore season, airs every Wednesday on ABC. This week, on Thanksgiving Eve, George Lopez is the lead in show for the Paul McCartney Concert Special.

 
 

The NFL Song: Week 12
The end of he NFL regular season is rapidly approaching, the playoffs are in sight, but we still have no clear cut powerhouses anywhere in the league. Many teams are making bids for the post season with heroics like the Colts overtime field goal victory and Tampa Bay's crushing of the Packers. With so many clubs still in contension, it's making it tough to figure out who's going to win each week. If you want proof, just take a look at Chick's Shoe-In picks. Fortunatly there is a new edition of Duke Tumatoe's NFL Song to try and sort through what the hell goin' on in the NFL..

 
Jim Belushi is "Jim" in According to Jim
When Jim Belushi returned to network television, he did so on the heartwarming family comedy, According to Jim. On the show, Belushi plays “Jim,” an all-American guy's guy who’s never quick to admit fault, but who knows that the key to a good marriage is nodding in agreement when his wife (Courtney Thorne-Smith) talks. Fathers everywhere can relate to Belushi’s character who struggles with the same issues every other family man deals with; how to achieve the ideal picket-fence family life, yet keep a firm grip on your manhood at the same time. According to Jim airs Tuesdays on ABC.
 
Comedy Diva "Sommore"
She’s been hailed as one of the funniest women on the planet by Oprah Winfrey, and was the first female to host BET’s Comic View, so it’s no wonder she’s now known as “the diva of contemporary comedy.” Sommore give audiences a strait up, hilarious look at the issues of today, from the perspective of a woman who lives and loves life. She is always ready to tell it like it is with her quick wit and subtle sarcasm.

He's A PTPer
The Maestro-Man of the broadcast booth, Dick Vitale, returns for another season as BOB & TOM’s insider analyst of NCAA hoops. With this season still in it's infancy, we need Dickie V to catch us up on which players are this year's Diaper Dandies,
Dow Jonesers and Surf and Turfers. Vitale has been commentating college basketball for years, but he’s not only the most recognizable personality of amateur hoops, he’s also one of its biggest fans. In his book Campus Chaos, Vitale shares his insights and personal views on the game, as well as steps the NCAA needs to take to save the sport he loves so much.

 
 


The Best Part of Waking Up
Bob Zany is very excited that it's finally Tuesday, and that means he gets to share his
Zany Report with the world. Though Bob has made it his personaal mission to to deliver a Zany Report that requires zero fixing... there are always plenty of past fixer-uppers archived at BobZany.com for you to enjoy. And if you are looking to do some early Christmas hopping, you can purchase the always-popular "Eat Salmon The Other Pink Meat," or the brand new "Papa Eat Now" shirts which are perfect for ther person who loves changing oil, painting houses, and various types of yard work.

 
Beatles Gear
It took six years to put it all together, but it was a labor of love. Author, guitarist and all around instrument enthusiast, Andy Babiuk has chronicled and investigated the history of everything the Beatles ever played in his new book Beatles Gear.

"This was a bit of an obsession," says Babiuk. "I was researching how to make that 60's sound for my band, and I just started getting into it."

Babiuk says that the usage of different instruments by the Beatles was important to music history because it influenced the sound of many other bands of the time. They also introduced new brand names to the music scene. "The instruments they used became an extension of their personas. When people saw these guys on Ed Sulivan with their haircuts and trendy clothes, they didn't want to play Gibsons anymore... they wanted to play what the Beatles were playing."

In writing the book, Babiuk interviewed, members of the band, roadies, other musicians, and friends of the fab four. "99.9% of the interviews went great because they knew I wasn't trying to dig up dirt. I got some great stories out of a lot of people."

As well as having rare photos of the Beatles, there instruments, and memorabilia... the book is also a good read. Both Bob & Tom are big fans of Babiuk's work. "This is the first book to chronicle their instruments," says Babiuk. "While doing the research, I got to play some of them, and you get chills just thinking about how historical these things are."

Though he had a good time writing the book, Babiuk isn't in a hurry to do a follow up. "Writing this thing took a lot out of me. I am looking forward to spending some more time in the recording studio with my band, instead of doing another one right away. Unless I could hang out with Mick Jagger."

Beatles Gear is now available in paperback editions too. These new copies include new pictures, and stories that were cut from the original.

 

"You know what that guy needs for breakfast... a big bowl of Suff-It!"
- Chick McGee responding to a not so flattering
e-mail.

"The Hell with Britney Spears, this was my birthday first."
- Bob Kevoian

"What would Jesus eat? What would Jesus drive? What's next, what would Jesus do for a Klondike bar?"
- Tom Griswold

"I am so glad that my wife told me that this is no longer my birthday, it is now Our Day!"
- Chick McGee

"I like anything with a blow hole.'
- Bob Kevoian

"The reason Bob doesn't surf is because he can't smoke."
- Tom Griswold

"Tom's aura is khaki"
- Chick McGee

"How badly do you have to get somewhere for you to still ride the bus?"
- Paul Gilmartin

"I am the little terrier dog of comedy."
- Chick McGee

"Michael Jackson is slowly turning into a 12 year old Asian girl."
- Paul Gilmartin

"My friend's car had so many airbags he didn't know if he was in a car wreck or a pillow fight."
- Lord Carrett

"You know I can't do a call in with out a molestation joke."
- Paul Gilmartin

"You don't want boys around your daughter, but you also don't want her to be Medusa."
- Dwight Slade

"I have a date with success, and I think it's going to be a long relationship."
- Jack Freeman

"I should have put more money into T-Bills than into G-Strings. My life savings is a Crown bag full of change."
- Drew Hastings

"Thank yous come in the form of dollars."
- Bob Kevoian

"I think today, having a bobble head doll is the true sign of success."
- George Lopez

"I am half the man Chick McGee is."
- Gunner

"You guys are Brick City USA, baby."
- Dick Vitale

"The reason people like cigarettes is because they are so great."
- Tom Griswold

"It would be tough to work the graveyard shift at a mattress factory."
- Bob Kevoian

"If a product says 'not available in stores,' it means stores have standards."
- Bob Kevoian

"My butt is my temple."
- Chick McGee