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w w w . b o b a n d t o m . c o m           

December 4 - 8 2006

 

When Geeks Get Into Stand-Up Comedy
When not manning the Budweiser Freshness hotline and keeping the world safe from skunky beer as the famous “Bud Delivery Guy,” Don McMillan spent his time becoming a nationally recognized, headlining standup comedian. Aside from his work in commercials for Budweiser, 7-11 and Little Caesar’s Pizza, Don has become one of the premier corporate comedians, and as far as we know, the only standup that comes equipped with PowerPoint. With his geeky background as an engineer for the likes of IBM and AT&T, Don is leading the way in technological humor, the best of which can be found on his new comedy album Technically Funny. Those of you who prefer your comedy to be presented on screen, you can look for Don in the feature film, Don: Plain and Tall.Check out Don's MYSPACE site.
 

Orange Shubert
Early on in life, Jimmy Shubert knew he wanted to be an entertainer. At first he tried performing magic for a living, but soon realized he had no desire to wear a tux and pull objects out of his pockets. When that fell through, he knew his next course of action would be to venture into standup comedy. After befriending the late Sam Kinison, Shubert became one of the "Original Outlaws of Comedy," and toured with his mentor for years. After Kinison's passing, Jimmy moved to Florida, where he fine tuned his act and perfected his standup. Once he learned the ropes of touring the country solo, Jimmy decided it might be fun to give acting a try. Though the his television pilot never aired, Shubert caught a break in his movie career when he picked up a lollipop during an audition and earned a role in the film GO. Since then, Jimmy's shown up in The Italian Job, One Hour Photo, and Coyote Ugly. Jimmy also makes an apperance on the BOB&TOM album Donkey Show.
 
Kangeroo Boy
For those of you who caught Jeff's appearance in the Laugh hole last time around or were lucky enough to see him perform at the BOB&TOM Christmas party, you'd know what that headline means. If not, you'd better catch him when he visits your town because it's part of a joke that always has the audience in tears. Jeff Caldwell is known to people nationwide as a clean, clever comedian with one of the brightest standup acts around. From the daily news to the daily grind, comedian Jeff Caldwell has tackled almost every subject with his clean and clever wit. It doesn’t matter whether he’s on stage, at a corporate gig or on television, Caldwell has been able to charm audiences and keep them laughing. He’s recently been seen on The Late Show with David Letterman, The Late Late Show and Comedy Central’s Live at Gotham and can also often be heard on a number of national news and political radio shows.

On the Road With Carlos Mencia
One of the most popular comedians in the country, Carlos Mencia may no longer be just a club act, but that's not stopping him from hitting the road on a huge 50 city standup comedy tour. Carlos has been visiting people's living rooms nationwide on a weekly basis with his new Comedy Central series, The Mind of Mencia, which features the observational comedian's commentary on current events, man-on-the-street films, commercial parodies and audience interaction. But now he's going to be heading to your town, and if you want tickets, you'd better order them quick because they sell out fast. Keep checking his website for details and schedules of upcoming shows.
 

Animal Lover
Since Tim Bedore's popular segment, Vague But True, has become a regular feature on the BOB&TOM show, certain topics seem to pop up on a regular basis. One of the most popular subject matters has been the secret war raging between man and beast which Tim has dubbed the "Animal Conspiracy." The first installment of this larger work appeared on the album B&T Camel Toe almost two years ago, but as the news stories keep adding up and listener e-mails keep rolling in, Tim has had no choice but to continue informing the masses about this ongoing battle. Will the battle continue in this week's report? You'll just have to tune in to find out.
 

The NFL Song
With three quarters of the season in the books, it's time once again for Duke Tumatoe's world famous NFL Song. In a week where Chick went 0-10 in his Shoe-In picks, you know there were a ton of upsets. The Titans, Browns and Cowboys all won on last second field goals while and the Cardinals, Eagles and Texans were able to pull off underdog victories. There are only four games left and all but two teams remain in the playoff hunt (sorry Detroit and Oakland) and Duke Tumatoe is here to keep you up to date on what the hell is going on in the NFL.

bass talk
 

Strip Search
Cartoonist Jef Mallett has mentioned the BOB&TOM show in a number of his comic strips over the years, which is why we were excited to hear that he was going to be the artist providing the covers for our two most recent albums Man Boobs (which is available at the BOB&TOM Webstore) and Operation Radio (which was a special project released exclusively for the troops overseas). For those not familiar with Mallett's work, he is the creator, writer and cartoonist for the syndicated comic strip Frazz. The strip centers around a young man named Edwin “Frazz” Frazier who became the janitor of his former elementary school when his career as a songwriter didn't work out. Though he did eventually hit it big, Frazz decided to hang on to his janitorial duties. Now he's not only a friend to both the students and staff, he's also the most well respected “educator” in the school. Frazz has been read in papers around the country for years, but now can be found in Mallett's two collections of strips, Frazz: Live at Bryson Elementary. and 99% Perspiration
 

Jef Mallett
We've had singers, sports stars and comedians in the Laugh Hole, but Jef Mallett is the first artist to take the stage. And boy does he make his first appearance count by convincing Kristi to let him draw her topless! And to make sure he gets it just right, Kristi Lee sits in as his live model.
 

What About Bob?
It's time again for that fabulous feature, The Zany Report, as brought to you each week by Bob Zany. This man of comedic courage runs the comedy gauntlet every Tuesday, hoping that his report will lead to roaring laughter throughout the studio. And though he normally falls just a bit short, this legendary talent refuses to give up or give in. Also, one lucky fan will attempt to improve a Zany punchline by playing Fix The Joke, Baby (live) where they can win a boatload of prizes including a one year BOB&TOM VIP membership, a couple of ultra cool T-shirts and a whole lot more!
 

Time Won't Let Me
Former stand-up comedian turned joke writer turned novelist, Bill Scheft not only the author of the great novel, The Ringer (rumored to eventually become a major motion picture) and the book The Best of The Show he's also the man behind the Thurber Prize in American Humor nominated novel, Time Won't Let Me (now in paperback) all of which make perfect gifts for Christmas (or Hanukah). This most recent work of fiction focuses on the fall & resurrection of a fabled garage band, loosely based on his brother's real life experiences and has been getting great reviews. Though he's often kept busy pumping this book, Scheft is still an active freelance writer and works on The Late Show with David Letterman where he's been the head monologue writer for quite some time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

"If you've never been to a Waffle House, picture a men's restroom that sells pancakes."
-Jim Gaffigan

"You ever see that mug shot of Nick Nolte? I wish I felt that good."
- Nick Griffin

"We've always had stupid people, it's just that when I was young we didn't let them outside."
- Tammy Pescatelli on the show she wants to do called 'What the Hell is Wrong With You.'

"I will come over to your house and sit on your bed for $10."
- Chick McGee

"I was a Shushy Cat."
- Ben Folds on his former bands

"My wife starred at me like I had just asked to have a three way with her mom. No, it was way worse than that time."
-Emo Philips

"There's no 12-step program for stupid."
- Heywood Banks

"Leave it to you to look at the sad side of stripping."
- Chick McGee to Kristi Lee

"For years my entire career has been getting up on stage and acting like a pompous ass. Then I come in here, and Tom is the pompous ass. I love it!"
- Jimmy Pardo

"So really, which dwarf did you dress up like for Halloween."
- Tom Griswold to Jimmy Pardo

"That toaster in your kitchen signifies that you owe me $18 worth of gossip."
- Roy Wood Jr on wanting to divorces to be as public as weddings

"Land comes cheap when there's a 60% chance you're going to die on it."
- Nikki Payne on Trailer Parks

"I'm in a position to judge Bobby Brown because I watched the show."
- Tim Wilson

"Since moving to Vegas, My kids look at New Orleans like it's Amish country."
- Kelly McDonald

"He's too intelligent for comedy. Scott Dunn ladies and gentlemen."
- Chick McGee on comedian Scott Dunn

"You can make anything sound dirty by sniffing it."
- Tom Griswold

"If you're not good with technology, don't be cocky about it."
- Mike Birbiglia

"Those new sports tampons might be better for sports that use periods instead of quarters."
- Bob Kevoian

"I don't drink tequilla anymore because it makes me ski."
- John Pinnette

"Alfalfa sprouts make angels cry."
- John Pinnette

"I'm a fantasy football widow."
- Caroline Rhea

"My wife is Hawaiian. Well, no she's not but she's shaped like a pineapple."
- Bobby Slayton

"You're the boomerang of comedy, you just keep coming back."
- Bob Kevoian to Tim Cavanagh

"I am trying to learn Spanish so that I can start Text-Mexing people."
- Heywood Banks

"I won't tell you how many times my dad has been married, but if they were sandwiches, his next one would be free."
- Jimmy Pardo

"Using it as a suppository seems to take all of the romance out of heroin."
- Tom Griswold

"In my twenties I was anal about my birth control. Literally."
- Laurie Kilmartin

"Some day I want to hold your hand and run across the rainbow little fluff-puff."
- Harland Williams to Frank Caliendo as George W. Bush

"I feel like a dog listening to a card trick."
- Chick McGee while listening to Don McMillan's tech joke

"You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets."
- Daniel Tosh

" I wear black condoms because they're slimming."
- Daniel Tosh

"Nothing beats a good cookie."
- Kristi Lee

"I've been on drugs for a week, I don't know what real life is like right now."
- Kristi Lee

"Why did you look at me when you said 'premature'?"
- Chick McGee to Laura Steele

"Climbing around on the old fleshy playground."
- Bob Kevoian on having fun with a full-figured gal

" I never trust a hooker with fresh breath."
- "Larry King"

"The most ticklish people in the whole world are people walking down the street who you don't know."
- Mike Armstrong

"My body has no sexual meaning anymore, so if I can make people laugh with it, at least it's being used."
- Louis C. K.

"At least the US had an Exit Strategy for the World Cup."
- Bill Scheft on the US defeat in Soccer

"You couldn't look down on me anymore than you already do. You are so superior to me, it's breathtaking."
- Chick McGee to Tom

"I think the word you were looking for was 'perfect.'"
- Tommy Johnigan after Chick called him a 'freak.'

"The McRibb is the deadbeat dad of the fast food restaurant. It comes around every 6 months and you're supposed to be excited about it."
- John Garrett

"I know a lot of my comedian friends are a little 'kumbaya', but I would actually own a gun."
- Richard Jeni

"All of my home invasions are in the nude."
- Chick McGee

"I figured, women must like men's rear ends because it reminds them of a purse. It's got two sides, split in the middle and you keep your $&^# in it."
- Richard Jeni on things he doesn't un

"How come when you make suggestions they sound annoying and stupid, and when I do it they sound reasonable."
- Tom Griswold to Kristi while talking about grocery stores

"If Chick had a cologne, it would smell like mayonnaise."
- Tom Griswold

"It was a tough gig. They had to wake me up to fire me."
- Jim Gaffigan on his straight jobs before becoming a comedian

"I told people that I was from Indiana and they told me they didn't know they had such strong accents in Indy."
-Wolfgang Puck on his heavy German accent.

"How much money is Russia putting into this 'international' space station. I mean, it's like playing poker with your kids."
- Chick McGee to Dr. David Wolf

"Carrying around Vagisil is like having a I. V. for your genitals. You need that constant lube."
- Tom Griswold