THE BOB & TOM SHOW - Program Notes

w w w . b o b a n d t o m . c o m

December 5 - 9 2005

Steve's no Id-Iott
If we were forced to pick just one of the great things about comedian Steve Iott, and we often are, it would be that he is a master of improv comedy, because it means that no two shows are ever the same. While interacting with the audience, Steve works his magic by sprinkling his bizarre tales and observations with a plethora of jokes and clever one-liners. Those who have seen him perform say that his off-the-wall antics are proof positive that Steve sees the world as if it were reflected in a big metal spoon. Iott is a longtime comedy veteran who has been seen on both Comedy Central and A&E. He also pens (or types) an award-winning online column which you can read on his website, however, he also says that he has a habit of lying about winning awards.

Filipino Funnyman
Filipino funnyman Dan Gabriel knew from an early age that he was funnier than most of his peers, it just took until he entered college for them to get his jokes. Once there, he found he could crack almost anyone up which is why he made the logical jump to stand-up comedy. After graduation, Dan moved back to the Bay Area to climb the competitive ranks of the San Francisco comedy scene. From these humble beginnings, Gabriel worked his way from opening act to nationally touring headliner. Working as a clean, clever, and laid back comedian, Dan has appeared on Comedy Central's Premium Blend, CBS's Star Search, and NBC's Late Friday. He also co-developed and hosted the hit first season of Asia Street Comedy, on AZN TV.

The Mind of Mencia
One of the most popular comedians in the country, Carlos Mencia is no longer just a club act. For the past year he's been visiting people's living rooms nationwide on a weekly basis with his new Comedy Central series, The Mind of Mencia. The show features the observational comedian's commentary on current events, man-on-the-street films, commercial parodies and audience interaction. Mencia is acting as both the star and executive produce the series which means since things are going well, he has himself to thank. In fact, things have been going so well for Carlos that he was recently asked to join in on Comedy Central's big Last Laugh '05 program. He and a number of other Comedy Central favorites are getting together to skewer the biggest losers and news makers of the past year in one big event. Last Laugh '05 airs Sunday, December 10.

Insert Caddyshack Joke Here
A hip-hop singer might refer to comedian Brian Noonan as being "old school," but the rest of us might just call him old fashioned. He remembers a time when children were there to be seen and not heard, parents could still discipline, and helmets were something only to be used on the football field. Needless to say, Brian doesn’t fully embrace the way today’s society works, but that’s one of the reasons he’s become such a successful stand-up comedian. As an actor, Noonan has appeared on a number of sitcoms including It’s All Relative, Malcolm in the Middle, and In Laws and is a recurring sketch player on The Tonight Show.

He's Quite a Character, er, Characters
Heath Hyche, who claims he was not named after the candy bar, has a unique stage show full of high-energy sketch comedy, over-the-top characters, quick-change costumes, whimsical scenery and more props than you can shake a stick at. He has a stick on stage if you’d like to try. This ability to morph into a variety of characters has made him a perfect fit for television. He's a Tonight Show veteran, Blue Collar TV regular and has appeared in a number of sitcoms including The Jeff Foxworthy Show and Mad About You. He's also landed roles in the feature films The Odd Couple II and Man on the Moon.

He's Mike Bir-Big-Li-A!!!
He’s funny, he’s handsome and as his two famous female fans out west proved, his name looks great on a tank top. Of course we’re referring to stand-up comedian and journal writing extraordinaire, Mike Birbiglia. Whether on the phone or in the studio, we’ve been treated, for longer than we can remember, to Mike’s monologues that he calls his "Secret Public Journal.” In these musings, we’ve learned about his infatuation with pizza, his feelings on falling in love, how bad a pretzel can actually taste, and what it’s like to live with your parents. If all this sounds intriguing, make sure you check out Mike’s website where you can explore his pizza blog, numerous pictures and a store full of t-shirts and other products that are perfect for the holiday season.
Get info about attending Mike's Comedy Central Special taping!

Too Vague to Be True
It's been over a week since we last heard Tim Bedore read one of his Vague But True editorials, so needless to say we're chomping at the bit to find out what this installment will be about. Over the years, Tim's shared stories about rescuing super models in parking lots, trips to his summer cabin, going a war with a rat in his house, fantasies about pitching for the Chicago Cubs, having hairy women on his paper route and his time spent wandering around on a nude beach. And it doesn't matter if the fodder for his readings are ripped from the headlines or based on his own outlandish fantasies, you can count on them being funny, vague and true. Fan's of this feature may be interested to know that Tim has compiled an entire CD of his best VBTs. Vague But True, the album, is available now at the bobandtom.com webstore.

It's the Best of Der Bingle, Bay-Bee!
Just in time for Christmas, Bob Zany is releasing the must have new comedy album of the season. It’s Bob Zany as you’ve never heard him before, (unless you regularly catch him on the BOB&TOM show every Tuesday or have seen him live on stage) performing as Bing Crosby on the all-new album, The Best of Der Bingle Bay-Bee! Each and every week Bob Zany calls in to deliver The Zany Report, and because it sometimes doesn’t get the laughs he wanted, Bob added The Bing Crosby Joke of the Week to save the segment. In this feature, Zany channels the long departed spirit of Bing Crosby, who then pops in and tells a can’t miss, classic joke. This new CD features 26 of Der Bingle's best efforts and is available now at bobzany.com, Bay-Bee!

Nov 28 - Dec 2
Program Notes

"If he can lift a car, he should have testicles the size of beach balls."
- Chick McGee on the size of Superman's bulge.'

"I wish I could go back in time and give somebody a condom."
- Tom Griswold on Chick being born

"Wedding vows sound like talking to a lawyer because they're warming you up for later."
- Kristi Lee on marriage

"I'm the self appointed head of the Pork Council."
- Donnie Baker on the holding public office at an early age

"What's the big deal about the guy who could pull a truck with his penis? When I was sixteen, I could have pushed it."
- From a B&T listener e-mail

"It's the size of the shoe, not the amount of shoes, that really matters."
- Real Men of Genius to Chick McGee during a RMoG song about the B&T Show

"You are the smartest smart person I've ever known."
- Chick McGee to Tom after Tom won another argument about the NFL overtime procedure

"There's nothing worse than barfing on make-a-wish kids."
- Bob Kevoian as a tribute to Tom Wilson of 'Back to the Future' fame

"There is such a fine line between comedy and blasphemy."
- "The Pope"

"I would rather be bottomless than topless any day."
- Kristi Lee

"My dog is a little overweight, but she's got a really pretty face."
- Karen Mills

"Cigarettes don't hurt you much unless you do a lot of things where you need to breathe."
- James Sibley

"My ass is really sensitive when I go to sit on a toilet seat. I have a great ass."
- Bob Kevoian on how the guy who glued himself to a toilet seat didn't feel the glue when he sat down

"There's no I in TEAM, but there is one in DICK."
- Tom Griswold on the Terrell Owens situation

"If you going through a toll both on a date, you're probably being kidnapped."
- Bob Kevoian

"I not gay, but for $4 million I could be confused for a night."
- Roy Wood, Jr.

"Kristi came into my room and the feeling was like someone was walking on my grave."
- Chick McGee on the awkwardness he felt when Kristi came back to his room to visit during a girls card night.

"Love is an emotion, and you can't control your emotions. If you could control them, there would be no need for bouncers or rape whistles."
- Doug Stanhope on the institution of marriage

"No wonder you're alone."
- Laura Steele to John Fox after telling an off color joke

"If you were watching a movie with you in it, you wouldn't believe it."
- Chick McGee to Tom Griswold on the way he lives

"Being the last of 11 kids is like showing up to a New Years party at 1:15am."
- Dan Grueter on missing out on everything due to being the youngest child

"I saw the hottest woman ever wearing a Chicago Bears. I thought that was awesome, a hot chick that likes failure."
- Pete Lee, a huge Packers fan

"Oh good, a Power Point presentation. That means you've taken your stupidity and put it on the wall."
- Tom Griswold on meetings

"This is my water bed, baby. I make the payments and the rules."
- Donny Baker

"This new Marilyn Manson cologne smells a lot like Alice Cooper."
- Tom Griswold

"This isn't me picking a date. This is me rejecting 200 women."
- Auggie Smith on his "Win a Date" contest

"Shut up Randy, you couldn't get to third base with a bowling ball."
- Donny Baker on his boss' lack of experience

"They say that only 1% of the population is gay. If that's the case, I've slept with all of them."
- Jason Stuart

"Women say that gray hair is distinguishing. That's true. That's how they distinguish who to sleep with.
- Sean Morey on aging

"If I bought a box of 96 condoms, I'd have to leave some in my will. To my nephew, I leave 90 condoms."
- Larry Reeb on buying in bulk at Costco

"You look like a match stick."
- Bob Kevoian on Tom's red face (due to a medical procedure.)

"I accidentally walked in on my roommate and his girlfriend having sex. Fortunately they didn't see me for almost 10 minutes."
- Nathan Trenholm

"You know you've lost your sex appeal when you go to pay a hooker and she says it's free if you promise not to tell anybody."
- Robert Hawkins

"The new Da Vinci Code conspiracy is that Jesus was married. I don't know if that's true, but if it is, that would explain why he didn't stop his crucifixion."
- Scott Dunn on Marriage