THE BOB & TOM SHOW - Program Notes

w w w . b o b a n d t o m . c o m

December 11 - 15 2006

Living The Dream
If someone were to tell you they were performing as a comedy club MC six times a week and having to host karaoke after each show in the dead of winter 60 miles from the Canadian border while living in a 6x8 motel room next to a French fry factory, you might think they had it all. Chad Daniels on the other hand felt he needed something more in his life. That's when he decided to take his comedy on the road and began performing at clubs, colleges, bowling alleys, and Elks’ Lodges across the nation. Not long after, Chad performed as a finalist in Comedy Central’s Laugh Riots competition, which in turn got him enough attention to make his network television debut on the Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn. Chad has since released his first comedy album, Two Minutes for Stale Hacking.

A Name That Sounds Like an Adverb
Pete Lee (or better yet, Peter Lee) may sounds like an adverb when you say it quickly, but it's actually the name of a smart, funny, up and coming stand up comedian. And though he may not be well known yet, he’s already proven that if you put him in a televised comedy competition, he'll finish toward the top. Twice he’s been entered in competitions on Comedy Central, and twice he’s come up just short of winning, but don't scoff, how high did you finish? Self described as an adorable, smart mouth with a 12th grade vocabulary, Lee is constantly pursuing acting work along with developing his blossoming standup career. He’s appeared in television commercials for McDonalds and Michelob and just released his first comedy CD, Gasmoney. Pete also appeared in the recent film A Prairie Home Companion :The Movie.

Image Makeover With Paul Mecurio
First there was the Zany Report, then there was Vague But True followed closely by the Secret Public Journal and News to Us, but now comes the newest regular feature created and presented by a standup comedian, Image Makeover with Paul Mecurio. Over the past few months Mecurio has called in to share his helpful tips on how certain public figures could easily change their public images, but this week it gets even better as Paul will be joining us live in the studio. Aside from instructing celebrities, Mecurio is also a talented writer and comedian. He won an Emmy Award as a writer for Comedy Central's The Daily Show and makes regular appearances on MSNBC and FOX News as a political satirist.

Two For Flinching
Christian Finnegan doesn’t like to think of himself as just a standup comedian, mostly because that’s not his only occupation. He’s also a writer and an actor who regularly appears on VH1’s Best Week Ever and as the host of TV Land’s Game Time. Though these other jobs keep him busy, he’s still a successful standup comedian who just so happens to have a new CD out just in time for Christmas, Two for Flinching from Comedy Central Records.

It'll Be a Drew Christmas Without You
Drew Hastings is unique in that he gets double billed on some of the Friends of the BOB&TOM Show comedy Tours as both himself and Jack Freeman. But that should come as no surprise, Drew is one our favorite and most frequent visitors. it’s never a boring morning when he stops by. Whether he’s telling us about his life on the farm, fighting for the spotlight with Rupert or arriving dressed in the latest in metrosexual fashion he never fails to give us more material to hold against him. Currently Drew is working on expanding his one-man show “Life & Other Short Stories,” and creating a mockumentary based on his alter ego, Success Guru Jack Freeman. Drew also recently took part in the huge BOB&TOM Comedy show that aired on Comedy Central earlier this year and is a featured guest (along with Rupert) on the special third disc of the album, Donkey Show.

Crisp, Clean and Refreshing
After searching high and low and everywhere else for a young up and coming comedians, Sierra Mist (known for their sharp lemon lime flavor, funny commercials and good taste in comedy) named Ryan Hamilton America’s Next Great Comic. Even before the soft-drink giant discovered him, Hamilton was a rising star. He began performing standup in 2001 and by 2003 he had already placed in three national comedy competitions. Described as being an awkward boy in a big world, Hamilton is a natural story teller who finds humor in the most unlikely places, and whether it be the ludicrous nature of naked cats or the act of turning down a drug dealer politely, he enjoys the retelling of each incident immensely.

FACTOID – Ryan Hamilton says that back in high school he was named Prom King. No word on whether or not he still wears the crown.

And Now a Reading By Mike Birbiglia
Comedian Mike Birbiglia is man of deep thoughts. He's a man who sleep walks. But, he's also a traveling comedian which means he's not only on the road a lot, he's also got plenty of free time. Mix those three factors together and you end up with a little something he likes to call his Secret Public Journal. The Legions of adoring fans who have signed up for his newsletter get his very secret yet very public writings e-mailed directly to them on a regular basis, but out of respect for those who haven't joined, we've asked him to occasionally call the show and share his writings over the phone. In other news, Mike makes an appearance on the BOB&TOM album Donkey Show in which he talks about the difficulty some people have with pronouncing his name correctly.

Hump Day Special
Each and every Wednesday, Tim Bedore wows us with his weekly Vague But True editorials, which is why we're so eager to find out what his next installment will be about. Over the past few years, these musings have helped us learn a lot about Tim, including his thoughts on moving Israel to Nevada, making airlines all nude, and his theory on how animals are trying to wipe out our species. But no matter the topic, we're happy he'll be reporting on it from his new home up north, where the introverts stare at their shoes and the extroverts stare at your shoes. Plus, make sure you stick around for the conclusion of VBT because Bedore now has a catchy little outro that you just can't help but sing along with.

The NFL Song
Another week down and one more giant step toward the playoffs which means it's time once again for Duke Tumatoe's world famous NFL Song. This past week, the Colts got pummeled, the Chargers took over as the best team in the league and the Saints began to look like a Super Bowl contender. Needless to say, there was a lot going on. But one man not only dares to discuss the action, he's going to go so far as to sing it. And the best part is, more people can listen to this tune than can actually watch games on the NFL Network.

Everything Old is Nude Again
He's seen over 20,000 movies, but doesn't remember a single plot. He's Mr. Skin, the world's foremost authority on female nudity in film, and he's helping his followers learn the true meaning of the term "double feature." From his humble beginnings as a young man collecting nude clips of hot actresses from R & PG rated movies, Mr Skin turned his hobby into an empire. His website includes screen captures of naked celebs, titillating movie reviews and yearly presentations of his "Anatomy Awards." So if you're looking for a hard to find nip, er, clip, or looking for a good rental suggestion for the evening, make sure to check out all the archived data at MrSkin.com. You can also own Mr. Skin's work in print form. He's released his first book, Mr. Skin's Skincyclopedia : The A-to-Z Guide to Finding Your Favorite Actresses Naked. When Mr. Skin calls in this time around, he'll be reviewing the top nude scenes of 2006.

FACTOID - Mr. Skin says that of all the people he's ever talked to, Bob Kevoian is almost an equal to him when it comes to knowledge of adult cinema.

At Least The Theme
Song is Always Funny
It’s time again for everyone’s favorite weekly feature, The Zany Report starring comedy legend Bob Zany. In case you’re new to the show or are unfamiliar with the concept of The Zany Report, we’ll explain how it works. Every Tuesday, Bob Zany calls in to deliver a handful of jokes based on current events and comical news stories. Though his intention is to present a report that is hilarious from top to bottom, it doesn’t always work out this way. Of course as good hosts, BOB&TOM are always kind enough to point out which of his jokes came up a little short in the laughs department. This is where you the listener come into play because Zany then invites a lucky fan to call in and fix one of his flat punch lines in a little game he calls Fix-The-Joke Baby! Sounds easy, doesn’t it? To find out more, got to bobzany.com, baby!

December 4 - 8
Program Notes

"I don't expect you to look good every day, just try to string a few days together. You don't have to be Cal Ripkin Jr. but see if you can get a streak going."
- John Evans to his wife

"I can't sell you a gun while they're crying."
- Lord Carrett on divorce

"If you've never been to a Waffle House, picture a men's restroom that sells pancakes."
-Jim Gaffigan

"You ever see that mug shot of Nick Nolte? I wish I felt that good."
- Nick Griffin

"We've always had stupid people, it's just that when I was young we didn't let them outside."
- Tammy Pescatelli on the show she wants to do called 'What the Hell is Wrong With You.'

"I will come over to your house and sit on your bed for $10."
- Chick McGee

"I was a Shushy Cat."
- Ben Folds on his former bands

"My wife starred at me like I had just asked to have a three way with her mom. No, it was way worse than that time."
-Emo Philips

"There's no 12-step program for stupid."
- Heywood Banks

"Leave it to you to look at the sad side of stripping."
- Chick McGee to Kristi Lee

"For years my entire career has been getting up on stage and acting like a pompous ass. Then I come in here, and Tom is the pompous ass. I love it!"
- Jimmy Pardo

"So really, which dwarf did you dress up like for Halloween."
- Tom Griswold to Jimmy Pardo

"That toaster in your kitchen signifies that you owe me $18 worth of gossip."
- Roy Wood Jr on wanting to divorces to be as public as weddings

"Land comes cheap when there's a 60% chance you're going to die on it."
- Nikki Payne on Trailer Parks

"I'm in a position to judge Bobby Brown because I watched the show."
- Tim Wilson

"Since moving to Vegas, My kids look at New Orleans like it's Amish country."
- Kelly McDonald

"He's too intelligent for comedy. Scott Dunn ladies and gentlemen."
- Chick McGee on comedian Scott Dunn

"You can make anything sound dirty by sniffing it."
- Tom Griswold

"If you're not good with technology, don't be cocky about it."
- Mike Birbiglia

"Those new sports tampons might be better for sports that use periods instead of quarters."
- Bob Kevoian

"I don't drink tequilla anymore because it makes me ski."
- John Pinnette

"Alfalfa sprouts make angels cry."
- John Pinnette

"I'm a fantasy football widow."
- Caroline Rhea

"My wife is Hawaiian. Well, no she's not but she's shaped like a pineapple."
- Bobby Slayton

"You're the boomerang of comedy, you just keep coming back."
- Bob Kevoian to Tim Cavanagh

"I am trying to learn Spanish so that I can start Text-Mexing people."
- Heywood Banks

"I won't tell you how many times my dad has been married, but if they were sandwiches, his next one would be free."
- Jimmy Pardo

"Using it as a suppository seems to take all of the romance out of heroin."
- Tom Griswold

"In my twenties I was anal about my birth control. Literally."
- Laurie Kilmartin

"Some day I want to hold your hand and run across the rainbow little fluff-puff."
- Harland Williams to Frank Caliendo as George W. Bush

"I feel like a dog listening to a card trick."
- Chick McGee while listening to Don McMillan's tech joke

"You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets."
- Daniel Tosh

" I wear black condoms because they're slimming."
- Daniel Tosh

"Nothing beats a good cookie."
- Kristi Lee

"I've been on drugs for a week, I don't know what real life is like right now."
- Kristi Lee

"Why did you look at me when you said 'premature'?"
- Chick McGee to Laura Steele

"Climbing around on the old fleshy playground."
- Bob Kevoian on having fun with a full-figured gal

" I never trust a hooker with fresh breath."
- "Larry King"

"The most ticklish people in the whole world are people walking down the street who you don't know."
- Mike Armstrong

"My body has no sexual meaning anymore, so if I can make people laugh with it, at least it's being used."
- Louis C. K.

"At least the US had an Exit Strategy for the World Cup."
- Bill Scheft on the US defeat in Soccer

"You couldn't look down on me anymore than you already do. You are so superior to me, it's breathtaking."
- Chick McGee to Tom

"I think the word you were looking for was 'perfect.'"
- Tommy Johnigan after Chick called him a 'freak.'

"The McRibb is the deadbeat dad of the fast food restaurant. It comes around every 6 months and you're supposed to be excited about it."
- John Garrett

"I know a lot of my comedian friends are a little 'kumbaya', but I would actually own a gun."
- Richard Jeni

"All of my home invasions are in the nude."
- Chick McGee

"I figured, women must like men's rear ends because it reminds them of a purse. It's got two sides, split in the middle and you keep your $&^# in it."
- Richard Jeni on things he doesn't un

"How come when you make suggestions they sound annoying and stupid, and when I do it they sound reasonable."
- Tom Griswold to Kristi while talking about grocery stores

"If Chick had a cologne, it would smell like mayonnaise."
- Tom Griswold

"It was a tough gig. They had to wake me up to fire me."
- Jim Gaffigan on his straight jobs before becoming a comedian

"I told people that I was from Indiana and they told me they didn't know they had such strong accents in Indy."
-Wolfgang Puck on his heavy German accent.

"How much money is Russia putting into this 'international' space station. I mean, it's like playing poker with your kids."
- Chick McGee to Dr. David Wolf

"Carrying around Vagisil is like having a I. V. for your genitals. You need that constant lube."
- Tom Griswold