Posted Monday, November 17
Chick on the Brain
Dear Bob & Tom,
Just a few nights ago, my 24 year old wife unexpectedly called
out Chick's name during our love making -- and with some coaxing,
revealed that she sometimes fantasizes about Chick when I'm not
at the top of my game, so-to-speak. Then she actually wanted
to know if I'd ever consider growing a beard! We're currently
not on speaking terms. Thanks Chick!
It's Turkey Time
Normally, it is the man that says things at
the wrong time, but this time, it was me. My husband and I were
in bed Saturday night, getting....frisky. He was on his way down
and I couldn't help it. In my stupidest voice, I came out with
"Eat me...I'm a turkey." from some Thanksgiving
song I heard on your show. I am not sure who sang it. Needless
to say, he was now as amused as I was. Hint. Trying to explain
the whole song at a time like that doesn't work. I couldn't stop
laughing. He has never heard it, so isn't seeing the same as I
am humor in the situation.
Thanks a lot
Kelly
West Palm Beach
Posted Tuesday, November 11
Not So Funny Now, Is It?
Hi Bob and Tom - and of course Chick and
Kristi
As always, I'll start out by saying - YOU ROCK!
I found this quite amusing and thought maybe you would too. The
morning of Chick's rectal exam, I was on the highway following
my husband in his car on our way to the doctor's office. We are
trying to conceive and are in the process of making sure he "works"
so to speak. It's approximately 8:30 and I was listening to the
show on our way. Driving behind my husband, I could see him in
the side mirror and realized that he also, was listening......and
laughing like hell when Chick was in the middle of the exam. (No
offense Chick but it was hilarious!) We arrive at the doctor's
office and my husband proceeds to get out of his car, laughing
hysterically, saying things like, "Jesus! That poor guy,
man would that suck!"
So we walk into the doctor's office and expect to provide another
sperm sample on site - well, to make a long story short, my husband
got more than he bargained for when we were seated in the exam
room and saw the tube of KY on the counter. I noticed that his
face turned a creepy grayish color and his hands were starting
to sweat. I thought, like Kristy would I'm sure, give me a break
- look what women have to go through for God's sake. Well Chick,
let me tell you, my husband wasn't laughing AT ALL after we walked
out of there. So, needless to say, he felt your pain on that same
day!!!
I thought you would enjoy this because I know I did!!!!
Julie
Posted Wednesday, November 5
Real Radio
Dear BOB&TOM
I have recently been converted to a loyal
listener. No small accomplishment on your part I might add since
usually I shun all talking on the radio since it detracts from
what radio is supposed to be for...namely music. However, I have
found your show to be a welcomed change from "normal"
radio shows. Keep up the excellent work!!
Respectfully,
C. Jones
Love on Cloud #9
Dear BOB&TOM
I love Chick ever since he wore the #9 shirt on the air and everyone
was making fun of him for it. I saw his pic on your website and
I think he is gorgeous. Could you please let him know how I feel
about him? Thank you.
Donna
Our Typical Listener
Dear Bob, Tom, Kristi and Chick:
I just wanted to take a moment and thank you for creating a morning
radio show that doesn't appeal to the crusted whole wheat eating,
triple, grande, Arabian mocha latte with a dash of cinnamon Starbucks
drinking, holier than thou preaching, environmental-friendly car
driving, sail boating, white collar working, smoking ban
supporting Nazis.
But rather, maintaining a show that welcomes the fried tenderloin
and potato chip eating, any kind of beer as long as it's cold
and cheap drinking, SUV driving, NASCAR watching, hell raising,
rock me, roll me, Jackyl me off t-shirt wearing, Pat Dailey and
Rodney Carrington listening, Indy 500 (greatest spectacle in racing)
attending, flag waving, fun loving, word mispeling, office Christmas
party drunk and up-throwing, get our European culture by staying
at the Venetian or Paris in Las Vegas vacationing, motor boating,
smoke em if you got em fans of the show!
Best regards,
Steve
Indianapolis
Posted Tuesday, November 4 2003
Don't Get This Stuck in Your
Head
Dear Bob and Tom
I have been listening to your show now for about 2 years now,
and it is the best thing on the radio. But anyway, I will get
to the story. About a year ago I filled out a police report
after a murder were I heard the gun shots go off. Finally a year
later I am called to testify, I already had forgotten everything
and I was struggling to try to remember any little thing that
I can, when all of the sudden a song pops into my head, and I
couldn't get it out. The song just happened to be "Don't
let this song get stuck in your head." As I am trying to
tell the prosecuting attorney that I don't remember anything, I
am struggling to keep from laughing, finally the judge asked
me what the problem was, and I told him, "I just
got something stuck in my head." Keep up the great work.
Jake
Diving for Dick
BOB&TOM,
You guys rock! It's a given. we listen to the show every morning
here in beaumont, texas and would be lost without it. While hunting
this past weekend I took the enclosed photo because it reminded
me of good ol' Dicken's Cider. I knew if anyone could appreciate
such a photo, it was all of you. By the way, Kristi, you have
a place reserved in heaven for putting up with these guys. Please
keep up the great work!
Posted Monday, September 22 2003
Chick's the Man
Dear Bob and Tom,
First and foremost, you guys ROCK! I've been listening to your
show for years, laughing my ass off the whole time. You guys pull
off some of the most outlandish, and funny stuff imaginable. Here's
my question- why doesn't Chick get more recognition, he says what
everyone else thinks. Bob, Tom and Kristi are the sensible ones,
they worry about time constraints, being politically correct,
possible lawsuits, and other useless stuff like that, but not
Chick. He simply says what he is thinking, which is precisely
what most of your listeners are doing, as we think it, Chick says
it, it's that simple, he should be given a medal, or a chest to
pin it on, whichever you prefer. I DO NOT have a sexual attraction
to that hunka hunka burning love, but you have to admit, Chick
is DA MAN!!!
Thanks for your time, and a great mornig radio show,
A loyal (not gay) listener in Missouri
Posted Friday, September 19 2003
VIP Salesman of the Month
Dear BOB&TOM
Well first things guys and girl, I just want to tell you is
that you guys are the best radio show That The whole town of
Gallipolis Ferry Wv. and I have ever herd. Ever since my friends
dad told me about your show in 2000 I haven't stopped listening.
I just subscribed to your VIP and I just think you all and your
website is so awesome. Man I don't know how you guys do it but
you all are the funniest people around. And your website is
so vibrant. HAHA. But really it is put together very well. When
I go to school at Marshall University in Huntington WV I have
used every PC in the library and I have got a lot of students
looking at your site and getting hooked to your show like I
am. Since the cookies you send out get on the PC's it allowed
others to use the VIP site. And now they like it so much they
had to go pay for the VIP at there houses and dorms so I helped
with some business for you all. You know your from WV when ever
your family reunion is every month on the first in the food
section of Wal-Mart. Anyway you guys never quit what your doing.
It's great Take care, and play the toast song for me.
Joe
Paugh
Posted Tuesday, September 16 2003
I Love the Disco Lifestyle
Dear Bob & Tom
As a VIP member, I now know I've just gotten my money's worth.
That disco
dance by Tom was worth it. What a way to start a Monday morning.
I needed
that laugh!! Keep it up, YOU GUYS ROCK!!
Kelly in Ohio
Posted Tuesday, September 9 2003
Pissing Outside
Dear Bob & Tom,
I thought of you as I was coming out of the Tennessee Titans game
last night. After a few beers and a great game, my friend and
I were walking across the Bridge over the cumberland river when
I decided to fulfill my dream of pissing off a 100 foot bridge.
It was everything I dreamed it would be and luckily the police
were not near. You should try it some time I think you would like
it.
thanks,
Jonathan
Posted Friday, August 28 2003
 Drill
Instructor
Dear BOB&TOM
Who said y'all don't have educational radio? Thanks for the
"heads up" up the drill bit in the head incident.
I teach trainees at a power plant which include a lot of safety
topics. This article and picture makes for a great attention
getter.
Pike
Posted Thursday, August 7 2003
Australian for E-Mail
Dear Bob & Tom,
Sorry to deflate your egos, but here in Australia, not everyone
has heard of you guys. That aside, some extremely sick individual
(who shall remain the nameless) sent me a recording of the "Camel
Toe" song (with all due lack of respect to the Beach Boys).
I must say I am surprised. I cried laughing. I suppose you thought
it was a serious piece of art. As an Aussie, I never thought
you Yanks had it in you. Your sense of humour (or humor as you
probably spell it) normally consists of slapstic crap, but you
guys show that some of you have (what I can only describe as
- well, I can't really describe it), a proper, sick and depraved
sense of humour, such as we have in Australia. I am therefore
proud to offer you honourary (or as you Yanks would say it honorary)
Australian citizenship. If the Tax Office, Internal Revenue
or whatever you call it over there, ever catch up with you,
and you need a quiet place to stay, my house is your house -
as they would say in Mexico. I would have said that in Spanish
but I don't know how - something about me casas and two casas?.
If I was the Australian Prime Minister (John something?), that
offer would actually mean something. Unfortunately, I am not,
but the offer of a secret tax haven remains. You need another
identity (unknown to the CIA) and I just need to be bribed.
Please send the lyrics of the Camel Toe song to this email address
(in unmarked bills of course). If you want to syndicate your
radio show to Austraia, I probably can't help (that's what you
have agents for), but I will be your first listener. You are
sick bastards (as we would affectionately say in Australia).
Keep it up.
Kind regards
Chris Schulze
Heeeeyyyyyy!
Dear Bob, Tom, Kristi, and Chickster:
I listen to your show from 6:00 AM to about 6:40 AM everyday
on the drive into work. Several weeks ago you were discussing
the subject of anal ____. Kristi enlightened us with the term
"Heyyyyyyy". Very rarely does something happen that
can change one's life. This was one of those moments for me.
I can no longer hear anyone say "hey" without starting
to laugh. No longer do I think of Gomer Pyle and Sargeant Carter
when I hear someone say "Hey".
I am an anesthesiologist and yesterday the surgeon I was working
with, for no apparent reason, right in the middle of an operation
let out with a "Hey", and I could not stop laughing.
Needless to say I had to explain it to the staff as to why I
was laughing. Funny thing- the people who listen to your show
all started laughing too. Those who didn't just looked at us
kind of weird.
Keep up the good work.
"Heyyyyy"
Bob
Posted Tuesday, July 22 2003
Do It Yourself
Dear BOB&TOM
You guy's rock!! I am a marine reservist from Louisville, KY
and am in a tank company that just returned from heavy fighting
in Iraq. We helped take the bridges at An Nasairiya (the big
nasty fight of the war) and helped rescue PVT. Jessica Lynch.
After of nearly a week of constant fighting we got pulled off
the line to give us a little break and I got the only piece
of mail I got during the time in Irag. My wife sent me a package.
I opened it up and read her letters of how everyone was doing.
I was a big fan of you guys before I left and she would send
me copies of your show. Well this time I got a burnt unmarked
cd. Thinking it was some type of heavy metal music, I put it
in the CD player in my HUMMV (no they don't come with one we
had a cd player and hooked some small speakers up to it) and
turned it up as loud as it would go. Much to my chagrin my wife
(who's German) is singing the enormous penis song in her thick
German accent. Now just try to picture about a hundred battle
hard marines and the whole crappy city burning and the enormous
penis song over the top of everything Every started laughing
and I think I laughed so hard I almost was in tears. Thanks
for everything and lighting up our day. By the way if you want
I'l send you the CD just don't tell my wife.
Thank You Sir Can I
Have Another
Dear Bob and Tom, Kristi and
Chiiiiiiiiick....
I am a 41 year old divorced, very active male in Austin Texas.
A couple of weeks ago, I enjoyed laughing at the segment you
had about "proper etiquette" during and after sex.
Specifically, how someone saying "Thank You" afterwards
would seem like a transaction versus a playful romp! In my years
of committed and highly sexed bachelorhood, particularly following
my 5 year sabbatical I like to call "marriage" I never
encountered any formality as y'all described. It was absolutely
hilarious. Lo and behold the following Friday, I am out with
one of the women I date, and after a very aprreciated "service
call" from her, I reciprocated and immediately afterwards,
she exclaims, "Oh thank you, that was just awesome!"
I quickly began laughing and recanted the story of your broadcast
and we both had great fun shaking hands etc...
Then....to dismiss it being purely coincidence, and leaning
more towards the infamous "Bob and Tom Karma" I am
with another woman I date on Sunday. One thing led to another
and in total support and appreciation of younger women, we aggressively,
creatively and passionately took each other into that total
mind numbing state. After which she glances over to me and says,
"I have nothing more to give, that was..." and proceeds
to give me "Two Thumbs Up and the wink with the kind of
sound you make when you ask a horse to giddy-up!!!" As
I write this, I am still laughing hysterically! In all my years,
never...ever have I experienced either response, let alone in
a 10 day period! In the proverbial wake of your segment I found
it unusually hilarious and look forward to what other kinky,
freaky and out of the ordinary karma The Bob and Tom Karma can
produce! Thank you for such an innovative public service! Just
remember, here in Texas, "It isn't the gallon of the hat...it's
the cattle, nor the size of the snake...but the rattle!"
Practicing Safe and Frequent Sex in Austin, TX
Dave
Posted Monday, July 14
This is Why There's
a Guy Code
BOB and TOM,
I used to work for a company installing telecommunications equipment
into vehicles. I would pull out back seats to install some of
the equipment which would lead me to find all sorts of fun stuff.
People would be surprised what is under their back seats. Anyway,
on one nice Cadillac I found a bra of decent size under the
seat. I left the bra on the back seat for the customer. The
lady came and picked up the car, and I would usually escort
the customer to their car to explain the equipment to them.
When the lady say the bra she freaked out and asked if this
was some kind of Joke. Blaming me for putting the bra in her
car. I assured her that it was not me, and she said my husband
is going to be very mad, because it was his car that she was
picking up. Then her jaw dropped, eyes got big and she tore
out of the parking lot. Never leave your mistress bra under
the seat.
Legally Bound
Bob & Tom,
You guys rock! I am a police officer in the Cincinnati Area.
Recently I responded to an alarm drop at one of the nicer homes
in the city. After checking the house I went back to the station.
There I spoke with one of my Captains. I mentioned the house
that I had just searched, and how nice it was. He then grinned
from ear to ear and told me about when he was on the road, and
last time he checked this house. He said the entire master bedroom
had been decked out with S&M leather restraints complete
with chains, handcuffs, whips, cat-o'-nine-tails, gag balls,
masks. The list goes on and on. Complete with a video camera
on tripod. It wouldn‚t have been so bad but the guy who
owns the house is an attorney; a criminal defense attorney.
The captain just left his card with a note stating if anything
had been disturbed to call and let us know. We didn‚t receive
a call.
See Ya!
Posted Friday, July 11
A New Generation
Fellow Twisted Individuals...
I just wanted to let you know that the next generation of bathroom
humor loving people are alive and well. While returning home
from a very enjoyable camping trip my eight year old son started
singing What's wrong with a TV in the John, by Sean Morey. Much
to my wife's dislike he nailed the performance perfectly and
followed it up with Mr. Morey's, Cowboy song. We had great laughs
as he did encore after encore, you and Sean capped off the trip
and brought us home as happy as when we left.
Thanks for the Laugh's
Tom Forbish
Redding, CA
Posted Wednesday, June 25
Dear Bob and Tom (and Kristi)
I have a funny story I've been wanting to tell for a long time
but haven't found the right forum. I became a friend of Hal
about a year ago. I appreciate your sense of humor and thought
you might get a chuckle from my funny story. So.. here goes.
My husband and I are avid campers. No RV no camper. Just tent
and ground in the most dense woods we can find. We love it.
As many other "real" campers know, going to the bathroom
can be a new experience when you've just dug a pit and have
to squat over the top. One day as I felt the distant rumblings
of last nights dinner I got a great idea to take a chair out
to the pit, set it next to the pit, sit on the chair backwards
and hang my butt off the edge of the chair over the pit. As I
was getting into position, I realized, I couldn't do it without
taking one leg out of my pants, which meant taking off a shoe.
After removing my shoe and making use of the chair as I had
intended, I stood up and pulled my pants back on. That's when
I couldn't find my other shoe. I'll bet you can guess where
I found it.......I must have accidentally kicked it into the
pit while positioning myself on the chair. Needless to say,
that shoe never saw a foot again. That's my poop in the shoe
story. I hope you like it.
I'll be listening,
Lynn in Western Wisconsin
Posted Thursday, June 19
Mother of All E-Mails
Dear Bob & Tom
Here in the desert the worlds largest conventional bomb. 215000
lbs total weight and 18500 lbs of explosives in it. Its on a
40 foot rollerized trailer to help figure out the size.
Missed You
Hey Guys,
I just got back from the desert about 3 weeks ago and the one
of the things I missed about the states was listening to your
show on the way to work. I am in the air force and have been
serving for about 12 years. Thank you for all of your efforts.
There are about 20 of us in my show and we always listen to
your show. I know you probably think the air force is a easy
job, but not for all of us. I am a AMMO troop. We work hard
and play hard and I want to give a shout out for all ammo troops.
We are the ones who build all of the smart bombs and missile
for the aircraft in the USAF. Anything that blows up its our
job. Thanks
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