The Bob & Tom Show - 3-6 pm EST - Monday thru Friday
Site Map  |   Site Feedback  |  Back to Old Site

Home > Quotes

Print RSS
Select Category:

"Kristi Lee is so delicate she's never clogged a toilet."
- Tom Griswold on Kristi having never used a plunger

"I had a hard time hearing the show over the voice in my head booing."
- Shane Mauss on the ballet

"Riddled with Polyps, now that's a good name for a band."
- Chick McGee on Health Concerns

"Wicker is a fat man's Kryptonite"
- Saleem Muhammad owning wicker furniture

"It's okay because ugly girls don't have feelings."
- Brendon Walsh on Women

"Of course it's dangerous, it's your wiener."
- Bob Kevoian on Adult Circumcision

"You're the bull-terrier of comedy, you never let anything go."
- Kristi Lee to Tom Griswold

"I don't know why people video tape sex because after I have sex, the only thing I can think of is that I'm glad nobody saw that."
- Mike Birbiglia on Sex Tapes

"Very rarely do you get that kind of opportunity to ruin someone's life"
- Tom Griswold on Relationships

"You're too big to be a troll. You're an ogre."
- Chick McGee to Mark Sweeney on his looks

"Some of these dating sites sound like a good way to lose your soul."
- Tom Griswold on Dating Sites

"If you change the world, you get extra pudding crevasse"
- Pat Dixon on Tiger Woods' Exploits

"I'm biased because I'm me."
- Tom Griswold on everything

"I can do comedic voices. Sincerity seems to be my problem."
- Maria Bamford on Voice Over Work

"What's the big deal about the guy who could pull a truck with his penis? When I was sixteen, I could have pushed it."
- E-mail regarding penis tricks

"Islands are like the nipples of the sea."
- Donnie Baker on Island living

"My mother-in-law is so difficult, the Pope would stab her with his hat."
- Tammy Pescatelli on In-Laws

"The robe is a lazy man's tuxedo."
- Jim Gaffigan on Fashion

"Dogs are like penises. I enjoy my own, but I don't want to be touched by anyone else's."
- Scott Dunn on Other People's Dogs

"Does the new iPad run Windows every 28 days?"
- Randy Ericksen on the new iPad

Twitter