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Home > Quotes
Last 30 Days
"The sense of humor is the first thing to go."
"I was told to point out that the topic is "things you hid from your parents," not "things you were beaten with.""
"We don't have to work in a hole, but we do have to work with one."
"If you look someone in the eyes you get a warning."
"How much money would it take to get you to kiss me on the mouth?"
"Me walking into an adult novelty shop is like Norm walking into Cheers."
"If I didn't grab for the naughty parts right away, my wife would think I was having an affair."
"You never know when the "love bug" is going to strike. Even at work."
"I bet she's not going to Vegas alone, and I bet she didn't buy her own ticket."
"I was on the Quotes Page once... back in 1995 I think."
"I accidentally walked in on my roommate and his girlfriend having sex. Fortunately they didn't see me for almost 10 minutes."
"I can't donate.. all my money is tied up in wealth."
"I don't do drugs... I do girls that do drugs."
"Sam Jackson yelled at me on the set. It was funny... but I did soil myself."
"At the airport I heard a page for a guy named "T. Fortu""
"Cuban is the same as Spanish except that every other word doubles as "boat.""
"I keep waiting for you to do a walk-off sportscast."
"If the FBI starts calling in, make sure you refer to me as "Larry.""
"Kristi is trying to tell a sweet little story then all of a sudden Tom's giant foot of judgement comes down - WHAM!"
"The difference between classy and trashy is timing and planning."
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