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Home > Quotes
"Kristi Lee is so delicate she's never clogged a toilet."
"I had a hard time hearing the show over the voice in my head booing."
"Riddled with Polyps, now that's a good name for a band."
"Wicker is a fat man's Kryptonite"
"It's okay because ugly girls don't have feelings."
"Of course it's dangerous, it's your wiener."
"You're the bull-terrier of comedy, you never let anything go."
"I don't know why people video tape sex because after I have sex, the only thing I can think of is that I'm glad nobody saw that."
"Very rarely do you get that kind of opportunity to ruin someone's life"
"You're too big to be a troll. You're an ogre."
"Some of these dating sites sound like a good way to lose your soul."
"If you change the world, you get extra pudding crevasse"
"I'm biased because I'm me."
"I can do comedic voices. Sincerity seems to be my problem."
"What's the big deal about the guy who could pull a truck with his penis? When I was sixteen, I could have pushed it."
"Islands are like the nipples of the sea."
"My mother-in-law is so difficult, the Pope would stab her with his hat."
"The robe is a lazy man's tuxedo."
"Dogs are like penises. I enjoy my own, but I don't want to be touched by anyone else's."
"Does the new iPad run Windows every 28 days?"
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