Last 30 Days

"If you hand me an out-of-tune guitar, I will give you a look that will stick with you the rest of your life."
- Slash on dealing with his roadies on stage

"My mustache now has its own representation in Hollywood."
- Tom Selleck on the fame of his facial hair

"You can suck the fun out of anything."
- Kristi Lee to Tom

"It's a good thing this isn't the "Bob & Dick Show""
- Bob Kevoian when told the name "Tom" would be replacing dirty words in a racy news story

"My new book title: "Hair in My Teeth," by Adolf Oliver Bush."
- Chick McGee reading from his twitter account

"Hey, it's not your living room, be-yatch."
- Gunner on what to say to people who talk during movies

"A giraffe walks into a bar and announces, "Hey everyone, the high balls are on me!""
- Joke from a Listener

"At the end of the day, you're just a fat man yelling about cheese."
- April Macie on her father's fast foot rant

"You're still a dick and I approve this message!"
- Donnie Baker to Randy

"Because of Tim Wilson's voice, it always sounds like he's about 5 seconds away from a Jimmy "The Greek" moment."
- Danny Bevins on the way Tim Wilson speaks

"Bounced checks are like wedding vows; as long as you're sincere at the time, that's all that matters."
- "Newt" on bouncing checks

"I practice Newt Gingrich sex. Even when I know it's over I still don't pull out."
- Donnie Baker on a new kind of sex

"Peek-a-boo pork is the oldest trick in the book."
- Donnie Baker on leaving your fly open.

"I love video games and weed. 40 is the new 16."
- Brian Dunkleman on his favorite hobbies

"Remember when the Coen Brothers tricked everyone into digging Blue Grass music for a year?"
- Chick McGee reading recent tweets from listeners

"We need obese people because they're funny."
- Bob Kevoian on Jonah Hill being skinny

"Being asked to be one someone else's podcast is the new jury duty."
- Kevin Pollak on podcasting in LA

"Every man has measured it."
- Mark Sweeney while answering a men's survey

"The best porn is still on VHS"
- Pat Dixon on sex tapes

"Here at Furglar's Hardware, we're celebrating the season with our LENTsanity sale!"
- Ernie Furglar on the Lenten season