Bob & Tom - Colorful Quotes

Tom Griswold on dating women

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 00:00:00 -0800

The sense of humor is the first thing to go.

Chick McGee on our phone topic

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 00:00:00 -0800

I was told to point out that the topic is "things you hid from your parents," not "things you were beaten with."

Kristi Lee on the trapped miners

Mon, 30 Aug 2010 00:00:00 -0800

We don't have to work in a hole, but we do have to work with one.

Theo Von on playing the game "Gay Chicken"

Fri, 27 Aug 2010 00:00:00 -0800

If you look someone in the eyes you get a warning.

Chick McGee on kissing Tom Griswold

Wed, 25 Aug 2010 00:00:00 -0800

How much money would it take to get you to kiss me on the mouth?

Bob Kevoian on sex toy stores

Tue, 24 Aug 2010 00:00:00 -0800

Me walking into an adult novelty shop is like Norm walking into Cheers.

Bob Kevoian on Marital Relationships

Wed, 18 Aug 2010 00:00:00 -0800

If I didn't grab for the naughty parts right away, my wife would think I was having an affair.

Chick McGee on pleasuring yourself at work

Tue, 17 Aug 2010 00:00:00 -0800

You never know when the "love bug" is going to strike. Even at work.

Tom Griswold on our spray tan model

Fri, 13 Aug 2010 00:00:00 -0800

I bet she's not going to Vegas alone, and I bet she didn't buy her own ticket.

Frank Caliendo on not being quoted

Thu, 12 Aug 2010 00:00:00 -0800

I was on the Quotes Page once... back in 1995 I think.

Nathan Trenholm on having a roommate

Tue, 10 Aug 2010 00:00:00 -0800

I accidentally walked in on my roommate and his girlfriend having sex. Fortunately they didn't see me for almost 10 minutes.

Chick McGee on donating to charity

Mon, 09 Aug 2010 00:00:00 -0800

I can't donate.. all my money is tied up in wealth.

Tommy Savitt on drug use

Thu, 05 Aug 2010 00:00:00 -0800

I don't do drugs... I do girls that do drugs.

Will Ferrell on shooting his movie "The Other Guys"

Wed, 04 Aug 2010 00:00:00 -0800

Sam Jackson yelled at me on the set. It was funny... but I did soil myself.

Tom Griswold on pages at the airport

Mon, 02 Aug 2010 00:00:00 -0800

At the airport I heard a page for a guy named "T. Fortu"

Chad Daniels on learning languages

Fri, 30 Jul 2010 00:00:00 -0800

Cuban is the same as Spanish except that every other word doubles as "boat."

Tom Griswold to Chick McGee

Thu, 29 Jul 2010 00:00:00 -0800

I keep waiting for you to do a walk-off sportscast.

Bob Kevoian on the FBI

Tue, 27 Jul 2010 00:00:00 -0800

If the FBI starts calling in, make sure you refer to me as "Larry."

Chick McGee on Tom's Critique of Kristi's Sunflower

Mon, 26 Jul 2010 00:00:00 -0800

Kristi is trying to tell a sweet little story then all of a sudden Tom's giant foot of judgement comes down - WHAM!

Bob Kevoian on the foods he likes

Wed, 21 Jul 2010 00:00:00 -0800

I want to be buried in gravy... and boobs.

David Crowe on dating

Wed, 21 Jul 2010 00:00:00 -0800

The difference between classy and trashy is timing and planning.

Chick McGee on the perks of therapy

Mon, 19 Jul 2010 00:00:00 -0800

I am much more comfortable talking about my problems when I can play with myself.

Bob Kevoian on starring in porno films

Mon, 19 Jul 2010 00:00:00 -0800

If I was in porn I would change my name to "Hey, it's Bob!" because that's what everyone would say when they saw me.

Tom Griswold on aging

Tue, 13 Jul 2010 00:00:00 -0800

When I'm 80 years old, just sign me up for a nice bowel movement.

John Roy on Race

Fri, 09 Jul 2010 00:00:00 -0800

The scariest guy in prison is the white guy... because he's guilty.

Laurie Kilmartin on Loving Your Kids

Tue, 06 Jul 2010 00:00:00 -0800

Multiply how much you love your pet dog by .7%, then divide by four. That's how much you love your kids.

Donnie Baker on Rules for Swinging

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 00:00:00 -0800

Never bring Cheetos to a swingers party.

Chick McGee to Kristi Lee

Mon, 28 Jun 2010 00:00:00 -0800

I have a PhD in pathetic, and saying 'thanks' after sex is pathetic.

Chick McGee on Sports

Wed, 23 Jun 2010 00:00:00 -0800

Miniature Golf is hard. And I don't care for it.

Nikki Glazer to her boyfriend

Thu, 17 Jun 2010 00:00:00 -0800

Well you're the one dating a dumb person so how smart are you?