Bob & Tom - Colorful Quotes

Mean Joe Greene on how he became 'Mean Joe'

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0800

In high school, I was kicked out of every football game I played in.

Frank Caliendo on begging for applause

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0800

If you beg enough, it starts to happen

Chick McGee on Dick Mango playing at the Super Bowl Village

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Dick Mango used to just ruin 10 minutes of my day, now its like Chinese Water Torture.

Bob Kevoian on shopping for women's underwear

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

A lingerie store is just like the grocery store only with slightly fewer boners.

Bob Kevoian on the capture of the deodorant thief

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Is that the woman that stole all the deodorant? Raise your hand if you're sure.

Reese Waters on booing

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

People booing the home team when they start losing is like sticking around the house and booing your ex-girlfriend after you break up.

Erik Rivera on meeting a girlfriend's parents

Fri, 13 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

I don't want to say her parents were racists, but they did racist things.

Greg Hahn to his date

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

For the last time, I do not want a breath mint.

Chick McGee coming out of a commercial break

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Well somebody say something... we're on the air!

Donnie Baker on prostitues

Tue, 20 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0800

There's nothing more sad than a whore in a cast.

Chick McGee on Kristi running a brothel during the Super Bowl

Tue, 20 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0800

I think Kristi would make a great Madam.

Tom Griswold on inappropriate behavior

Wed, 14 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0800

There's no penetration in the conga line.

Bob Kevoian on followers of Mitt Romney

Thu, 08 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0800

"Mitt for Brains" I think are what his supporters are called.

James P. Connolly on his athletic ability

Fri, 02 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0800

I am the exact opposite of a professional athlete. I broke my foot standing.

Tom Griswold on Chick's upcoming birthday

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 00:00:00 -0800

Of course I know it's your birthday this weekend. I'm still pissed I took the under.

Ms. Pat on the problems with having large breasts

Tue, 22 Nov 2011 00:00:00 -0800

They smell like feet in the middle.

Chick McGee to Tom Griswold while setting up a song

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 00:00:00 -0800

You might have a point, but we're all tired of you making it.

Greg Behrenrt on the Toy Hall of Fame

Fri, 11 Nov 2011 00:00:00 -0800

I hate the toy Hall of Fame.

Chick McGee to Tom on reading sad news

Mon, 07 Nov 2011 00:00:00 -0800

I still don't think you get the point of us being on the air.

Bob Kevoian on sexy lunch ladies

Thu, 03 Nov 2011 00:00:00 -0700

You get Jennifer Aniston as a lunch lady dancing on a pole eating a hot dog, you've got yourself a movie.

Tom Griswold on guys who paint their finger nails

Wed, 02 Nov 2011 00:00:00 -0700

Hey Captain fister, what's wrong with your hand?

"Jerry Jones" on the performance of the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday Night Football.

Mon, 31 Oct 2011 00:00:00 -0700

During last night's game for Halloween our defense was giving away 15-yard cushions. Today I'll be giving out pay checks dressed that look like outright release notices.

Nikki Glaser from her twitter account

Fri, 28 Oct 2011 00:00:00 -0700

I thought about working out, but I'm afraid if I walk over to the gym right now it'll be open.

Donnie Baker on Jehova's Witnesses

Thu, 27 Oct 2011 00:00:00 -0700

Any religion that dresses like the secret service is unchristian.

Bob Kevoian on family dynamics

Tue, 25 Oct 2011 00:00:00 -0700

Every family has a douche bag. And if you don't know who it is, it's probably you.

Tom Griswold on his lack of interest in a news story

Mon, 24 Oct 2011 00:00:00 -0700

How do you know when the BOB&TOM show is out of news? We read a story about a gay shoe designer.

Mary Mack on her medical condition

Thu, 13 Oct 2011 00:00:00 -0700

I have ulcers now, but I prefer to call them "worry holes."

Chick McGee to Tom Griswold while talking about "Mr. Ed"

Thu, 06 Oct 2011 00:00:00 -0700

Did you just say owning a talking horse is the greatest concept of all time?

Brendon Walsh on Roller Derbys

Fri, 30 Sep 2011 00:00:00 -0700

It's a good thing there's roller derby otherwise there'd be a lot more all-girl bands.

Tom Griswold on being proud to be an American

Fri, 23 Sep 2011 00:00:00 -0700

In a small Eastern European town like that I'm sure they celebrate and throw a parade for every bowel movement.