Sexy Time with Lightsabers

Happy May the Fourth! It is Star Wars Day, and staff nerd Jessica Alsman threatens a letter writer during an Alli-less Sexy Time. A potential mob hit has surfaced as Lake Mead dries up. A body has washed up wearing mid-1970s shoes, and Tom is not impressed. An aggressive horse is causing havoc on a poorly named island, and Tom writes a tribute to it.