Things We Learned Today - Check It Out

If you missed part of the show, or just weren't paying attention, here's what you would have learned today:

Tuesday, October 12

Bob subscribes to 'Strip Monthly' magazine.
It's a bad idea to try to streak in front of the U.S. President.
Keith Alberstadt dated a woman who thought her dead dog spoke to her from the grave.
Nobody wants a book signed by Joe Birbiglia
You know what spoonin' leads to? Forkin'

Monday, October 11

The #1 problem NBA masseuses have to deal with is erections.
A group of masseuses is called a ‘rub.’
QB Brett Favre is being investigated for texts he allegedly sent back in 2008 including pictures of his ‘junk.’
Comedian Eric Hunter's wife works at the manhole cover warehouse.
Kristi likes chocolate syrup in the bedroom...or alcohol infused chocolate whipped cream.
Making your own Kayak is not an off limit radio topic
You should always have plenty of tampons on hand...just in case.

Friday, October 8

Moose are elegant.
The 'Guy code' got thrown out the door a long time ago. Brett Favre can attest.
There are no 'happy' caskets.
October is National adopt a shelter dog month.
Bobcat Goldthwait has a "Chinese symbol" tattoo on his butt.

Thursday, October 7

Bob almost bought an autographed photo of "Cheetah" the chimp.
Tim Wilson's "Booty" song was originally about Enron Corp.
A woman accidentally super glued her eyes shut when she mistook the bottle for eye drops.
You can rent-a-goat, you know, if you’d ever want to.
The MDA telethon will only be 6 hours next year.
Doug Stanhope was married in Las Vegas when he was 20. He has no idea where she is today.
Frank Caliendo is playing ping-pong to lose weight. Seriously.
The Monkees might be going on tour soon.
If you are a bill collector from India, don't call Tim Wilson on the 4th of July. You've been warned.
Brett Favre is accused of sending photos of his junk to a Jets sideline reporter.

Wednesday, October 6

President Obama's Presidential seal fell off his podium during a speech on Tuesday.
A study shows that most men think they are better in bed than they are.
Do not upset Joe Pesci.
Everyone has a 'creepy' aunt.
If you're buying a 'used cow' make sure you check the 'cow fax'.
Tom describes Kid Wok's look as, "intimidating and weird".

Monday, October 4

There have only been three good tambourine players, ever.
Doug LaDouche likes animals and children.
Chippendale’s bowtie and cuffs costume can't be trademarked.
You can buy gold bars out of a vending machine. "Gold To Go".
Lady Gaga wore a cat suit with her buttocks exposed. Yoko Ono was onstage with her.
Laptop computers can burn your leg skin when they heat up. It’s know as “Toasted skin syndrome.”
Peter Frampton's first car was a Morris Minor. It cost about $70.

Wednesday, September 29

A 17 -year-old girl shot and killed a black bear with a bow & arrow.
James Ervine Berry is not a serial killer, despite his three names.
Brian Ray's first band was named, "The Master Beats".
A new night ending shot is called the "Call Me A Cab".
Don't take winter driving tips from REO Speedwagon.

Tuesday, September 28

The owner of Segway died after falling off a cliff… on a Segway.
The ultimate test for a car stereo is a Helen Reddy song.
It was 113 degrees in Los Angeles, California yesterday.
The U.N. now has an 'alien' ambassador in place...just in case.
"Looking cool" defines Tom's life.
Women spend $1500.81 per year on impulse buys on average
Americans will spend more money on Halloween this year than last year.

Monday, September 27

Drunk bees don’t work as hard. There was a study done.
There is an emergency bra that works as a gas mask.
Kristi has never seen a jockstrap. Ever.
Comedian Dava Krause has several musical notes tattoos on her backside.
Tip to improve your marriage: have sex with each other.
Elevators have more germs than a toilet.

Friday, September 24

Bob has erotic potter and a nude statue that if you twist the it’s nipple, it opens the door to a secret room.
There is a church of body modification.
People should eat like he's trying to die tomorrow.
If you are fighting a guy who knows Judo, you’d better not be wearing a leather jacket.
If you can lie to crazy chicks, you can act.
A pot vaporizer allows you to see Jesus and talk to dolphins.
You can now buy divorce insurance.
Red cars drive faster.

Tuesday, September 21

L.L. Cool J may or may not do 10,000 sit-ups in an hour.
Looking for your adopted parents isn’t always a good idea. Your mom may be a "bearded lady" in a sideshow.
The most sexually satisfied city in USA is Indianapolis, IN. Least satisfied is Lexington, KY.
Wearing glasses make you look 3 years older.
Fritos Scoops chips are the best invention of all time.
The teacher that inspired the band name Lynyrd Skynyrd has died.
Chick's go-to password is bootyjuice29
Jerry Garcia's home is for sale for $4 million. 11 Acres; 7,000 sq feet.

Monday, September 20

Catching a broken bat with your chest while running to home plate may cause serious injury. Just ask Cubs CF Tyler Colvin.
A man with no arms and no legs swam the English Channel. His name was not Bob.
Tom already has a grave dug - just in case he needs to hide a dead body.
If a football helmet goes into the stands, it is not yours to keep.
David Hasselhoff will need some drinks and hamburgers before competing on Dancing With The Stars.
Only 2% of people that have full cardiac arrest survive.
Dr Will Miller is working toward his 5th degree. He likes school.
When choosing a husband, don’t marry someone like "Booger" from Revenge of the Nerds.
A prehistoric smooth stone was either a "flint' or a "dildo".
Tazers don't work if you have Mountain Dew in your system.
Pot growers in California are getting unionized.

Friday, September 17

If you don’t know how to kill a deer properly, it can take up to 17 shots to get the job done.
Yes, it’s true, sex dolls have “holes.”
Tom has every check he's ever written in boxes in his basement.
"Turdboy" is not a good nickname.
The smallest cow in the world is 33 inches tall.
Any syrup that comes in a flavor other than maple is just wrong.
Frankenstein created the "Miami Vice" look of jacket over t-shirt.
Just because you sometimes get an extra French fire in your order of onion rings, doesn’t mean the opposite is true.
The Wright Brothers 1st plane was called, "The Flyer.”
"The Hose Wrangler" is also not a good nickname.
Koala Bears are infected with Chlamydia. They are dirty, dirty whores.

Wednesday, September 15

Reggie Bush's Heisman Trophy is going to be awarded to Chick McGee.
There is a book of photos of interesting people shopping at Wal-mart.
California schools might sell advertising for its' hallways and library.
Just remember: text messages don't always go through.
If you are not at Disney World, you won't ever wear the Donald Duck hat.
If Jimmy Johnson wins "Survivor," Jerry Jones take credit for it
There is a guy that is going to run from the North Pole to the South Pole.
If you give out candy you don't like on Halloween, it'll keep you thin.
The Pope has a new Mercedes-Benz 'Popemobile'.

Tuesday, September 14

Oprah is taking her audience to Australia. John Travolta is the pilot.
Don Johnson got his last name because of the supposed large size of his manhood.
There is an 'Air sex' world championship. The only rule is that climax must be simulated.
Larry King's final guest will be the same as his first guest, Mario Cuomo.
You can be 'barred' from ever visiting America if you send an insulting e-mail to the White House.
A man in France caught a 30-lb goldfish.
Chick McGee is the Tony Robbins of failure.
The new video game "Halo: Reach" is supposed to be one of the biggest games of all time.
Neal Sedaka is putting out a childrens' book.
Aaron Spelling's home is still for sale

Monday, September 13

One of the last places a celebrity wants to be recognized is at the proctologists office.
The Chilian miners' finally got some smokes & power for lights.
Gunner wants Chick to take him to the Redskins vs. Bears game in Chicago this season.If you want to be respected, use only $100 bills at Starbucks.
You are not allowed to play popular music at funerals in Australian Catholic churches.
Tom hopes Kristi gets married again so he can go to her wedding.
Vera Wang wedding gowns will never make a comeback.The "Kodak Moment" trademark had lapsed.
Jeff Hayzlett restored the trademark as the former Chief marketing officer of Kodak.
Joey Chesnut ate 47 burritos.Kodak has 'slimming' technology in their cameras.

Thursday, September 9

Chick does not care for Joe Montana.
Any school that alternates schedule days is stupid.
You should brush your teeth after you eat breakfast.
Don't steep your tea in the sun. Lots of bacteria.
Hammocks were a terrible invention.
The most popular items brought into Pawn shops right now are tools.
Bob has over 200 clocks in his house.
Drew Hastings has his hair done by Thaddeus at 'Pump'.
If you go to a doctor’s office, don’t strip down naked and sit in his chair.
Get your prostate check every year after the age of 40.

Wednesday, September 8

There's always a 50/50 chance Heywood Banks knows where he's going.
It’s easier to catch crabs than clams.
Tying money to your scrotum with a shoestring in order to hide it from the cops doesn’t always work.
Just because you imagine you own something great doesn’t mean you actually do, or that it will magically appear in your house.
There is a ringtone that is supposed to act as a breast-enlarger
Women watch men's right knee and left wrist movements when they are dancing.
If you are a woman, having the nickname 'Talladega" is not a good thing.
There is a Fort Gay, West Virginia.
Did you know there were chocolate cake donuts?

Tuesday, September 7

It feels like a Monday.
Some parents are 'red-shirting' their kindergartners.
Alcohol-infused whipped cream is now available.
The hottest game out for the iPhone is called “Angry Birds.”
At one time women were known to use grapefruits as diaphragms
There will soon be a day-pass that allows speeding for 24-hours.
The dirtiest porn is hotel porn.
Little people walk around in "Fartville."

Monday, September 6

It's Labor Day

Friday, September 3

Chick was named after Chuck Berry.
Every guy enjoys a good 'catfight'.
Mike Birbiglia can now officially be called a movie star.
Bret Michaels first band was called Lazer!
Donnie Baker’s Mom Phyllis can “hold her mud” around famous people.

Thursday, September 2

Kristi's pubic hair design is a 'bacon strip'.
The five items that contain the most germs are computer keyboards, gym equipment, doctor's office magazines, shopping carts & subway poles.
If you need a dry towel when getting out of a hot tub, please don’t call 911
The Incas are known for their 'huge sideburns'. - Tom
Members of a 'deaf choir' do not make good radio interviews

Wednesday, September 1

Saying, "Rabbit,rabbit,rabbit" on the first of the month is supposed to ward off evil spirits.
Flying squirrels can't swim.
Bob had a pet flying squirrel in his first apartment.
NFL fines go toward the annual NFL Kegger.
We would all watch a TV show called "The Night of 1,000 Losers."
Do not use a shotgun to tenderize your Thanksgiving turkey.
Entering a house through the chimney is a bad idea, and often results in a slow painful death.
There are no “adult themed” Silly Bandz

Tuesday, August 31

Troy Polamalu's hair has been insured for $1 Million dollars. His pubic hair is styled the same way.
Tiger Woods has moved to New York City.
Once your computer goes bad, you can use the monitor as an expensive nightlight.
Michael Jordan's son, Marcus, spent $35,000 dollars at a Las Vegas casino. He is 19 years old.
Pet boa constrictors will kill pet canaries if given a chance.
If you’re going to tell your Mom about the liquor you stole and the boy you snuck out to see, don’t do it on her deathbed.
Most bosses make a decision to hire within the first 90 seconds of a job interview.
Bob was a 'four square' champion when he was younger.

Monday, August 30

The best Jell-O shots come in syringes.
If you’re in a hospital, the only way to go is to have a "private room'
When Kristi gets drunk, she’s been known to dance on tables.
John Lennon's toilet is for sale.
J.F.K. is the President of Heaven.
Scotland makes Seattle look like Phoenix.
Scots are known as bad tippers.
Bob has never had a garage sale.
Rosetta Stone’s next product should be a 'Klingon' version?

Friday, August 27

Ozzy Osbourne is playing with a 10-yr-old Japanese guitar prodigy named Yuto Miyazawa.
Bob has two carp weighing 25 - 30 lbs in his pond. They look like dolphins.
Chick McGee speaks for all idiots. (- Chick)
If you're having a proper threesome, everyone's mouth should be full.
Alonzo Bodden used to smoke Kool cigarettes.
Never ask how to play the "gay chicken" game.
The item most requested by the trapped miners is a 'power vagina.'

Thursday, August 26

Bozo the Clown was 'sex-crazed' according to his 2nd ex-wife.
It’s okay to see Piranha 3-D by yourself.
Hotel room alarm clock radios are impossible to work.
Singing REM’s “Losing My Religion" in a Mexican accent is always funny.
Tommy James first hit record was 'Hanky Panky' in the Spring of '66.
Someone should start a 'Family Airlines' that designs their plains with wooden side panels like an old station wagon.

Wednesday, August 25

If you are going to carry a bag of Xanax in your mommy parts, make sure you do kegel exercises.
Today is 'Kiss & make-up' day.
1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
All the TV stations have to switch over to 3-D by Labor Day.
Jeff Daniels did not get into “Star School.”
To the surprise of everyone, Tom has never showered at a truck stop.

Tuesday, August 24

There is a highway traffic jam in China that is expected to last for over a month.
Popular Taint tattoos are "Aim Here" & "Fun Center"
The first line of “Hail to the Chief” is "Hail to the chief, he's your friend and he's your neighbor."
Actor James Dean had really bad vision.
Gonad is a funny word.
Tom's dog was painted bright pink by his daughter.
Everyday was a toga party for Jesus.
A woman named Fran Dando is afraid of bananas.
Amazon.com sells sex toys.
You can hook up you I-Pod to a vibrator.
You do not have to cook BBQ Fritos on the grill… the come that way in the bag.

Monday, August 23

60% of our audience enjoys “doing it” with the lights on.
The ultimate test at a basdeball game is drinking a beer an inning.
Monica Lewinsky was a slump buster.
"Meat Candy" is actually delicious
Dogs can see colors. They are, however, red/green colorblind.
George Lopez loves women’s clothing.
Never put goat in your trunk.
Fat people try harder in bed.

Friday, August 20

Kristi has 9 pillows on her bed.
Chick has more followers on Twitter than Roger Clemens.
Bob has smoked a cigar... once.
Be careful to not hit, "send all" when sexting a naked photo w/ your cell phone.
Bed bugs can be carried by mustaches. Fortunately they can be detected by bedbug sniffing beetles.
Texting on a treadmill can be dangerous.
Warren Haynes first band was named Alpha Centauri

Thursday, August 19

The most powerful couple of all time would be if Levi Johnston & Snooki from “Jersey Shore” hooked up.
1 in 5 teenagers have substantial hearing loss.
The "Blue Viener” is not a new “Star Wars” villain
You can enroll in a sausage academy.
Steven Tyler will be a judge on the upcoming season of American Idol.
Kristi Lee sponsors a child in El Salvador.
U.S. President gets 6 weeks of vacation a year.
Kristi has learned the proper technique for kicking men in the balls.
Donnie Bakers' password at work is: Ruck Fandy.

Wednesday, August 18

There is a website: S#@! My Kids Have Ruined.
It’s okay to go ‘number one’ while in a lake. But do not hang over the side of a boat and go ‘number two’
Increasing numbers of people in the UK still sleep with their teddy bears as adults.
If Bob didn't grab the 'naughty parts' on his wife, she would think he's having an affair.
Las Vegas is the most 'stressed' city.
The bloopers are the best part of any porn movie.

Tuesday, August 17

Somehow Tom ended up on a mailing list for lace dresses.
A group of Zebras is known as a “Seal” or a “Crossing”
The reason men often have dirty magazines in the restroom at work is because you never know when the 'love bug' is going to strike.
Guitar Guy Brian Haner's first band was, "The Plastic Mind."
33% of people tweet while on the toilet.
Kristi may or may not have a tattoo of an aardvark on her lower back.

Monday, August 16

There is a Lighthouse for sale. The only drawback is that there is a foghorn that sounds every 10 seconds.
Donkey Tees already has a shirt about the JetBlue jumper that reads "Quit your job with style."
Chick's first strip club experience was at a club called, "Sinsation station". There was no alcohol, and sodas were $7.
If you want “action” at a strip club, you have to go to the "V.I.P Room" upstairs.
Josh Sneed’s new nickname is "Sexual Vanilla"
Nobody knows if Zebras are black with white stripes, or white with black stripes.
Legwarmers are back as a fashion trend.

Thursday, August 12

Baseball player Francisco Rodriguez was arrested for hitting his father-in-law after a bad loss.
The city of Miami only had 300 people before air conditioning.
If Tom could only keep 100 things, his power washer would be # 1.
Never tweet about getting bit by a stripper.
Under “Rule 34” the guy who go arrested for squirting semen from a bottle onto women at a store doesn’t seem all that strange.
Drew Curtis of Fark played naked soccer at college.

Wednesday, August 11

You can't tell anyone that they have an ugly baby. But you can make fun or awful baby names.
Being groped should not be one of the features in haunted houses.
Comedian Ryan Stout has no sense of smell.
There is not a patron saint of smell.
Kristi had a "lazy eye" as a child.
Chick can name every kid in his kindergarten class photo.

Tuesday, August 10

No matter where you dig, you are digging through dinosaur poop.
A JetBlue flight attendant exited the plane via the emergency slide after a passenger was rude. He took a beer with him.
People should eat more creamed kale.
A father and son met in the championship of a Scrabble tournament. The father won with the word “defeated”
There is a Hawaii cannabis ministry.
If you wet the bed, blaming it on a ghost rarely works.

Monday, August 9

Though the locals may be confused, Hooters in India does not serve owl.
The iPhone still doesn’t have a depth finding App for outhouses.
Chick has to see all the previews when he goes to see a movie. If the previews have already started, he will see a different film.
Kristi Lee is considering a 'pirate' theme for her new bedroom.
There once was a guy that ate three Twinkies per day every day of his life.
The most effective napes are 20 minutes long.

Friday, August 6

Chick is one of the new owners of the Texas Rangers.
Women walking into a men’s locker room is much more acceptable than a men walking into women’s locker rooms.
There is now an audio book version of the 'Kama Sutra'.
“Meatball” is a great name for a fish.
Tom's dog Duffy was a puker. He would vomit if he saw a suitcase.
Andy Kindler pays 2% for a guy he can call to say, "It's not you, Andy, it's the business."

Thursday, August 5

Auto repair shops have the worst free coffee.
If you want to make a good impression, leave a thank-you note for your housekeeper at hotels. A $5 per day tip helps too.
When washing your hands you should sing happy birthday to know when you’re done. Germ-phobes people can sing "American Pie.”
Canadians curse more than Americans.
Don't walk barefoot in a hotel room.
Do not clean your keyboard with a spray cleaner.
Carrying a bookbag makes you look 10 years younger.
It’s impossible to write a hit song about golf.

Wednesday, August 4

If you hit a button on your remote and it stops working, it’s best just to have your kids fix it.
New rule in the studio, men are not allowed to pull their junk out.
Ms. Pat lost her nipple when she was younger due to being shot in the breast.
Will Ferrell's dad was a musician.
Don’t buy kale unless you get a good deal on it.

Tuesday, August 3

A 40 lb beaver in Georgia bit a guy while he was fishing.
The proper place to keep a papier-mâché shark is in a basement next to a sitar.
If a married couple has pink carpeting in the bedroom, the man has officially given up on life.
Getting humped by a dolphin is something you’ll always remember.
Jimmy Carter was the least liked President by the Secret Service.
Ronald Reagan was the most liked President by the Secret Service.

Monday, August 2

In Toronto hotels, it’s common to see Asian woman carrying dildos wrapped in towels.
Toronto also is being overrun with wild ferrets.
You have to serve coleslaw with riblets. State law.
Jet-Skis are fun for about an hour. Someone needs to tell that to the guy who plans on traveling 20,000 miles on one.
There are no Canadian $1 bills. They use $1 coins.
There is no pesticide in Farmville.
This week is Shark week.
Urine may power future robots.
Bob, Tom, Chick and Kristi all sleep on the same side of the bed no matter where they are.

Thursday, July 29

The too used for salting your glass when having fancy drinks is called a “rimmer.”
It is Tom's goal to have Chick do a "walk-off" sportscast.
After taking a naked photo of yourself with your phone, don’t send it to your girlfriend's Mom.
Nude beaches are cat/kitten free...due to low hanging testicles.
Self Check-out lines at grocery stores are not as scary as they used to be.
Henry Phillips is single...again.

Wednesday, July 28

Lock-picking is a sport.
Destination weddings should be made illegal.
A new trend in weddings are “Bridal Diapers”
The “Griswold Inn” was mentioned on the show Mad Men
Jack Hanna can scare away a bear with pepper spray.
Comedian Bob Biggerstaff has a patented 'spin move' in flag football. He also likes boobs.
Chick used to tape his parents fighting on his cassette recorder as a kid.
Tim Bedore can make home-made root beer.

Tuesday, July 27

All F.B.I. agents are under cover.
Chick's real name is Leonard.
Bob & Tom's new USO album will not be called, "Stanky Thang."
Bob hates bananas, strawberries and marshmallows.
Carrot soup is just warm carrot juice.
It’s way to easy to switch the language setting on your iPod to Chinese.
Killing somebody for a Klondike bar may be a bit extreme
There is a $69 foot-long hot dog in NYC.
Joe Elliott is the singer of Def Leppard (for 32 years) because he missed a bus and walked home.

Monday, July 26

Rapper Jay-Z travels with his own toilet and toilet paper when he tours.
Baskin-Robbins is retiring five flavors including French Vanilla.
Yoda and Miss Piggy were both performed by Frank Oz.
A company called 'Brew Dog' is selling beer with the bottle inside a dead animal carcass.
Kings of Leon walked offstage after pigeons pooped on them during a show in St. Louis.
Mick Jagger is 67 today. His dad was the “Jack LaLanne” of the U.K.
Fire-Bellied toads can annoy anyone with their non-stop barking.

Thursday, July 22

Bob is a Bishop and can legally marry people.
'The Naked Cowboy' is suing to protect his 'brand'.
Victoria Secret may or may not have a new bra called the "Double-down"
The state motto of new Hampshire is "Live free or die"
L.A. is not a fun place to drive a car.
Jennifer Flowers dated comedian Rich Little.

Wednesday, July 21

There is a woman who gave birth while weighing 600-lbs that wants to weigh 1,000 lbs.
If there’s not a company named 'Pizza Ass' that has a talking donkey as a mascot, there should be.
It is illegal to make a donkey go parasailing in Moscow. Punishable by two years in prison.
Movie theaters that don’t pop their own popcorn are sellouts.
Giraffes would be more interesting if they could talk.
Actor Steve Carell is a self-confessed cry-baby when he sees movies.
Bob would like to be buried in boobs & gravy.
Porn actress Bridgette the Midget might be a franchise.
Tom’s all-boys high school had male cheerleaders that used megaphones.

Tuesday, July 20

If the Eric Clapton show you’re going to gets cancelled, the next best option is dinner with Heywood Banks.
Kristi's porn name: 'Ashley Chaps'; Bob's porn name: 'Mungo Cherry'; Tom's porn name: 'Dick Vertical'; Chick's porn name: 'Rick Awesome'
Former President Clinton made a bucket list. Two of the entries are to climb Mt Kilimanjaro and run a marathon.
According to comedian Greg Hahn, drinking beer is beneficial to your buzz.
12 'night walkers' are 1/2 a case of prostitutes.
If you give a rooster a soccer ball, it will play with it.
Pauley Shore was famous for his nachos.

Monday, July 19

Iran has banned the mullet hairstyle.
If there isn’t a porn star named "Dick Vertical" , there needs to be.
Dr. Will Miller gets paid upfront.
"Pug parties" are a big deal.
Dr. Will was at Woodstock for 3 days with his friend.
Old ballparks had a unique smell that new ones don’t.

Thursday, July 8

The Green Monster is the large green wall in left field of Fenway Park.
Eating kangaroo meat makes people jumpy
The key to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
There is no good way to wake up a deaf dog.
A 'Desert Eagle' handgun will knock your head 'clean off'.

Wednesday, July 7

The items they throw off the building on the new game show “Downfall” are all replicas. Many (too many) people have called in to let us know.
A popular place for people to have sex seems to be the boss’ desk.
There is now ostrich meat for sale at many gyms
English people are afraid of clowns. It’s the third most popular fear.
Second hand caskets are not a recommended purchase at yard sales
Soft serve ice cream makes people want to have sex at Dairy Queen

Tuesday, July 6

As soon as you're fingerprinted at jail, you're gay.
70 SPF Sunblook is basically a t-shirt
Louis C.K. Googles himself when he uses the bathroom.
It’s okay for DJ's across the country to play "Summer In The City" by The Lovin' Spoonfuls today due to the heat.
All Hitchhikers have a head in their duffel bags.

Friday, July 2

Former Sen. John Edwards likes to go out and dance to the song "Rump Shaker."
The top 4th of July menu item is: Potato Salad.
Bob will be Grand Marshall of a 4th of July parade. He will be hitting golf balls into the crowd.
More deer were killed by cars than hunters last year.
"Creature From The Black Lagoon" is not an appropriate movie to show at your daughter’s birthday party
Walking barefoot everywhere is stupid.
Eels are easy to catch because they glow.
An Alligator's top speed on land is 30mph
Don't pee in the Amazon River- a fish can swim into your penis.

Wednesday, June 30

A couple in Ohio decided it would be a good idea to name their son Donald Duck.
It’s not illegal, but it’s not a good idea to hump a police car.
If you’re looking for a good read, pick up Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
If you’re heading up to Bar Harbor, MI, you have to see the Car-Boat
In the world of competitive eating, vomiting through your nose is known as a ‘Narf’
Steven Seagal has been singing the blues for over 20 years.
Men are adopting the ‘full body shake’ after peeing.

Tuesday, June 29

Ten Russian spies have been arrested in the United States.
Huggies now sells “chic” denim diapers for toddlers.
The average woman buys 6 pairs of shoes a per year. Kristi has bought 2 pairs of shoes this week.
A total of 32 monkeys have gone into space- not all of them returned.
Today is National remote control day. It is also Gary Busey's birthday.
B.Y.O.C. = Bring your own cooler. We thought it meant something different.
Never bring Cheetos to a swingers party.

Monday, June 28

There is a "Peek-a-boo" stripper lounge on the Tami-Ami Trail in Florida.
Kristi has never had "explosive diarrhea".
The most satisfying sex happens in 3-13 minutes, though three seems a little rushed.
There was recently a Yawning Conference held in Paris.
The average person yawns 240,000 times in a lifetime.
There is such a thing as a hymen reconstruction kit.
Temperature can affect the size of a bird's pecker or beak.
Pens at pharmacy counters are riddled with bacteria and viruses
Women shouldn't flush the toilet while still sitting down.
Kristi's middle name is, "Rose".

Thursday, June 24

The vuvuzela was originally a yak horn.
Greg Allman had a liver transplant.
There is a "AAA" bra for women with very small breasts.
Elvis had a bowl of bacon on his piano at home.
A Michigan State student was caught with 79 pair of stolen thong panties.
Former Pro Wrestler "Rowdy" Piper is now doing stand-up comedy.
Jack Freeman’s new book is titled "Stop me before I succeed again"
When VP Al Gore checks into hotels, he uses the name "Mr. Stone"

Wednesday, June 23

There is a restaurant in South Africa that is selling Lion burgers made with real lions that were raised in Illinois.
It’s not a compliment when a girl you’re dating ranks you as "3" out of "10".
Winking is creepy
It is not proper urinal etiquette to talk to strangers while standing next to them in the restroom.
Bob always bets Black 22 on his first bet at the roulette wheel. It has yet to work.
Canadians have good hair.

Tuesday, June 22

Barry Manilow had a pet beagle named Bagel.
A man was admitted to a hospital in South Africa with a vuvuzela up his ass.
Chick does not care for miniature golf.
Today is "soap microphone" day, or in other words, pretending to sing in the shower.
Motley Crue lead singer Vince Neal's first band was named, "Rock Candy".
Yogi Bear’s Jellystone Park is in New Zealand.
A 'beard of bees" is creepy.

Monday, June 21

It is possible to blow out your esophagus while blowing a vuvuzela.
At the World Cup, they unveiled a new female condom with 'teeth'.
A strip club in New Orleans wants compensation from BP for lost business due to the oil spill.
Taco Bell should offer delivery
Swedes almost never urinate.
Vending machines push chips to their death.
Chick is great at parallel parking.

A pack of smokes in NYC is now over $11.00

Friday, June 18

Today is Bob's mustaches' birthday. It turns 41 years old.
Chick has not been without facial hair since 1980.
Bull semen is shipped in 5-gallon buckets.
Calvin Coolidge made Father's Day a holiday in 1924. Richard Nixon made it official in 1972.
The only way to truly listen to The Bob & Tom Show is with headphones.
Yoda's last name is Roberts.
The Pope likes the movie 'The Blues Brothers".

Thursday, June 17

The fear of clowns ranks third on the list of phobias. It’s known as Coulrophobia.
A 9 yr old boy invented buns that are curved for use with brats
Frankenstein always wore a sports coat.
Helen Thomas tells dirty jokes.
12% of internet sites are pornographic.
When describing an artist’s style, “naive” isn’t one of the best terms you can use.
Chick enjoys calling Tom and hanging up.

Tuesday, June 15

Big Butter' Jesus statue was destroyed by lightning Monday night.
There was a cat born with two faces.
Zane Lamprey and his show “Three Sheets” have survived two networks, Mojo & Fine Living. He is now on The Travel Channel.
We are currently working on a day dedicated to doing only punchlines from famous jokes.
Bob promised Ingrid Michaelson that the next time she comes by he will sing with her.
The left hand is the 'hand of the devil".
Ingrid Michaelson was teaching children's theater when she was discovered on MySpace

Monday, June 14

The horns being played by World Cup soccer fans are known as "Iratones."
"Small, Sad, Sam" was the sequel to the song "Big John".
This past Saturday was "World naked bike riding.”
Chick has banned Gunner from following his Twitter account.
There is a hobby called “couch surfing” where you stay overnight at strangers homes.
Older people are criminals, everyone of them.

Friday, June 11

Gunner is getting Lasik eye surgery soon and he plans on growing a handlebar mustache.
The Pork industry is looking for a new slogan. We don’t think it’s going to be "Pork: put it in you."
One reason to get a medical marijuana license is if you’re "not awesome enough".
Comedian Kyle Grooms was a graffiti artist who went by the name, "Seek".
Some dogs love to carry panties around in their mouths, including the clean ones.
It’s Illegal You can't walk your iguana down the boardwalk in Ocean City, Maryland.
Letting a pig loose in a friend's backyard and then turning on the hose is a fun practical for all parties involved.

Wednesday, June 9

Seattle Seahawks rookie WR Golden Tate was trespassing at a Top Pot Doughnut store at 3:30 AM.
When it comes to women, Bigfoot “likes it messy"
Dogs in China are being groomed and dyed to look like tigers & pandas
French people go to the grocery store Tom grocery shops every day
If you see Chick McGee wearing a robe, he is naked underneath.
If you are on the “Raw Food Diet,” you are hungry.
The Army's "soundwave" weapon uses Nickleback songs to make enemies vomit
A Baby taser is a bad idea.
NASA has a new project called “Face in Space.”
"You have to love Ozzy Osbourne"
Today is National 'Purple-People eater' day and 'Donald

Tuesday, June 8

It is jelly doughnut day; it is also best friend day.
One of the most effective pick-up lines is “Does this smell like chloroform to you?”
There is an Indonesian woman claims to be 157 years old.
Tom has "an army" of cleaning supplies in the back of his car.
Penn & Teller created a trick where Teller was going to "walk on water", but they couldn't contain the water onstage and had to scrap it.

Monday, June 7

You don't want to piss off Tony Stewart.
If you are playing music for only eight people, you shouldn’t ask them if they are ready to rock.
Never type "Asian ass' into a search engine.
Dr Will Miller has 4 degrees and is working on his 5th. Show-off.
Pipe smoking gives you the best smelling tumors.
Donnie Baker knows more about "sperm eggs" than anyone he knows.
Jesus drank on Sunday and there wasn't even a game on.

Friday, June 4

Bathtubs should be made illegal.
Nothing is funnier than 'altered signs'.
If you are looking for a lost fake limb, check the lost and found at Disney World.
Kristi Lee has never had a milkshake.
Some women are having a G-spot medical procedure to increase sensitivity.
Today is Frost Your Hair Day. It is also National Frozen Yogurt Day.
Tom would make a good hotel doorman.
QB Ben Roethlisberger is missing the first 4-6 weeks of the season for tearing a hymen.
“Kung-Fu” was the worst show ever made.
Thomas Jefferson had a "dark room."
Costaki Economopoulos is the #7 thing to go see in Cincinnati this weekend. Eating bugs is # 5 on the list.

Wednesday, June 2

Chocolate chip cookies are a suitable substitute for bread when making a sandwich.
If you use a loofah, you should microwave it every hour.
The next job Chick wants is that of a 'furniture tester'
The James Bond Aston Martin DB5 is the ultimate guy car. It’s also currently up for auction.
Sean Connery enjoys making his own oatmeal.
You use three fingers to form proper Cat-Head biscuits
Tom's Mom was a gym teacher; Tim Wilson's Dad was a 'P.E. Coach'.
Nobody knows why dogs stare at walls.
In order to invoke your right to remain silent, you have to remain silent.
If you shoot your testicles off with a gun, it was probably an accident.
Elderly Chinese drink "Voo-Doo" tea.Soy sauce is made from grasshopper.
The guy who killed John Wilkes Booth castrated himself.

Tuesday, June 1

A Squirt bottle filled with feces is an effective tool for robbing people at a ATMs.
All vacations should come with an extra day to recover from your vacation.
A guy flew in a chair with balloons from France to England. He landed in a cabbage patch.
The term 'Peeping Tom' comes from Lady Godiva.
Comedian Shane Mauss is rich for a homeless guy.
Most banks employ a guy whose only job it is to go to people’s houses to laugh in their face.
Spanx for Men are selling well.
June is: “Accordion Awareness Month, Fireworks Safety Month, Dairy Month and Non-Dairy Month.
The NYPD has a beekeeper on duty at all times.

Monday, May 31

It's Memorial Day

Friday, May 28

Right now, there is a guy laying on a slab who wasn't paranoid enough.
The most popular food to grill is hamburgers.
If you light a cocktail on fire, blow it out before you drink it.
People who own Forklift companies are awesome. People who own one forklift are disturbed.
A small group of people are known as a 'clump'.
Comedian Dan Cummins has tiny nipples.
Hungary is a hot bed for porn stars.
“Aggressive top looking for insatiable bottom,” is a great want ad to meet people in San Francisco
As far as we know, there isn’t a band named "Ass Hair

Thursday, May 27

Tom ‘s new “raw diet” makes him feel like he is sitting on a hot charcoal.
It’s not good parenting to yell at your kids from the top of the stairs with an erection.
“The State Hospital” would be a great name for a comedy club.
The original name for Snuggies were “The cloak of sorrow”
Women can now give out "Man-gagement" rings.
It takes 12 weeks to grow out a 70's style bush.
Today is National Grape Popsicle day.

Tuesday, May 25

It is bad luck to gamble during the Zany Report, but it may still be worth it.
The 2014 Super Bowl could be held in New York.
Lindsey Lohan has to wear an alcohol-monitoring device while filming the Linda Lovelace movie in Texas.
The chimichanga was made by mistake.
There is a specialized 36 ZZZZ bra being made.
The 'Amityville Horror' house is for sale for $1.5 Million dollars.
The best thing to have for your last meal would be 'Peking Duck' because it takes 24 more hours to make.

Monday, May 24

Chick is dodging A.O.L. collections. They called his cell phone over the weekend.
A guy fell into a sausage making machine, and lived.
We have a lot of 'Lost' fanatics (read: nerds) on our staff.
There is a vol on the loose in The White House.
It is possible to pull an airplane with your eyelids… at least for one guy
'Big Bang Theory' (CBS-TV) is filmed in the order of the show. Jim Parsons memorizes his lines for his character, Sheldon.
'Tidas Sloan' was the name of Slash's first band.
Slash quit smoking a year ago.
Slash and his bandmates "lived off strippers' in the early days.
Slash shoplifted the first tophat he wore at 'The Whiskey'

Thursday, May 20

Tom opens all four doors of his car after backing into his parking spot in the morning.
The London Olympic mascots were named Wenlock & Mandaville instead of the less popular choice "Gay Chucky".
The inventor of the ATM has passed away. There are now 1.7 million ATM's around the world.
Heaven is the ultimate gated community.
Kristi's new boyfriend writes fortune cookie fortunes for a living
The band "Reverse Queers" plays Christian rock.
There is a new method of cremation that freezes the body.
You are more likely to obey traffic laws when you have drugs and guns in your car.
You are not allowed to use the outfield as a shortcut to the concession stand while attending a baseball game
Cell phones equipped with tasers will be all the rave in the near future.
Medicine balls are making a big comeback.

Wednesday, May 19

A company in Amsterdam is making "Pope" condoms.
Teen boys having a sleepover should not spend most of the day together naked.
People who use pay phones are either making a drug deal or having an affair
Kristi has a boyfriend named Tom. But it’s not our Tom. He needs a nickname
Slipping $10 to the worker behind the prize counter at Chucky Cheese is a good way to get the toys your kids want
If you are 10 feet tall, the NBA will sign you to a big contract.
'Safety' coffins are equipped with bells and flags.
Dutch condoms are made of wood.

Tuesday, May 18

Being a landlord is not an easy job
Comedian Nick Hoff is afraid of the ocean
Jeff Goldblum plays piano in the 'Mildred Snitzer Orchestra'.
If you have two phone lines, the second one is known as the 'Dedicated adultery line.’
If your last name is “Hoff,” you are required to go by the name Jack
“The man in the mountain had eyeballs in his ass from Season 9,” Is not an accurate recap of the show “LOST”
Jeff Dunham is doing his show in China. The toys on stage will be 'made in the U.S.A.'
Leper jokes are not funny if Bob Zany tells

Monday, May 17

There is a band named, "Sperm Donor"
Gunner has a friend that enjoys having Cheetos and ketchup for dinner
There is a standard form that psychologists use for only children whose mother’s took them into women’s restrooms until they were 10 years old
Tom is a master of washing dishes
There is a rumor that LeBron James' Mom is doing his teammate Delonte West
Actress Susan Sarandon is dating a 36-yr old ping-pong pro
First dog in space was not a St. Bernard
Jason from our staff finally got to see a shuttle launch.
Valedictorians are buck-toothed, fat hogs with a 4.0 GPA.
Using a laptop or I-pod in bed can effect your sleep patterns.
Kristi's best move in gymnastics was falling.

Friday, May 14

Poisonous spiders in New Zealand will bite you on the penis if they have the chance.
The world’s oldest sex toy was also used to make fire.
Chinese astronauts ate dog meat in space.
Comedian Andi Smith had to wear a man's necktie to grade school because her dad wanted a boy.
Don't go camping with beautiful girls; or with your white friends. (Serial killers always show up)
If you want to make food better, fry it.
People in Georgia eat 'dirt squares.'

Thursday, May 13

There is a new divorce app available for iPhones.
There are restaurants where they put cucumber slices in their water instead of lemons. Kristi is a fan.
Rice grows to 8 feet tall.
John Feinstein’s best-selling sports book Season On The Brink' was written 25 years ago
Donnie Baker's Uncle Sunny played cards with Wolf Blitzer.
People carry a lot of tension in the buttocks.
Comedian Keith McGill volunteers for genital/rectal exams.
You can buy pubic lice online.
Bugs hate it when you spray them right in the face.
If a cart at a grocery store has been sitting alone for over a half hour, you are allowed to take items out of it.

Wednesday, May 12

Tom showers 3 or 4 times a day.
There is now caffeine soap for your morning shower.Show staffer Jason is going to Florida in an attempt to watch the space shuttle blast-off this Friday...we hope.
Comedian Greg Warren is considering quitting his gym and switching to mall walking.
Puppet shows are illegal in some places

Tuesday, May 11

Colts Coach Jim Caldwell watches replays of TV broadcasts to hear clear audio of the game.
Playboy Magazine is coming out with 3-D photos in upcoming issue.
Lawn chairs are deadly like a guillotine
Chatsworth, CA is the porn capital of the US.
To avoid injury while sneezing, bend your knees first.
Kristi once fell face first into a table and knocked herself out in the basement of relatives.
One of the keys of survival is the ability to judge people
Don't leave your truck in drive when attempting to start it with a screwdriver from underneath the engine.
Today is eat anything you want to day.
Women are the only reason bridges were invented.