" I don't like any drug that encourages people to take off their shoes." - Nick Griffin on smoking pot

"Have you ever worn a different deodorant and for the rest of the day you feel like there is a stranger standing next to you."
- Jim Gaffigan

"If it's so great outside, why are all the bugs trying to get inside my house?"
- Jim Gaffigan on camping

"I want to work at an unemployment office because even if they fire you, they still have to pay you."
- Phil Mazo

"If I could punch just one animal in the face, it would be an ostrich."
- "Larry King"

"Sodomy takes the fun out of bird watching."
- Tom Griswold on gay parks

"I have horrible gay-dar. I could see two guys making out at a bar and think they are just excited about the playoffs."
- Dwight Slade

"Books are for people who don't have ideas of their own."
- Greg Hahn

"I hate it here so what's the rush?"
- Greg Hahn to his former boss about motivation at work.

"Everyone has a butt, Tom."
- Kristi Lee to Tom about teaching kids about proctology

"My son is a horrible driver. He's hit everything but the lottery."
- Mike Armstrong

"I hate porn with plots."
-Bob Kevoian

"In Spanish, 'passionate' means 'loud and irrational.'"
- Pat Dixon on his passionate latina girlfriend

"My parents got divorced after 40 years. That's the longest game of chicken ever."
- David Dyer

"Last time I went to a gym they gave me a t-shirt with their name on it and asked me not to wear it."
- Wild Bill Bauer on his physical fitness

"Musician people aren't dumb."
- Duff McKagan on the stereotype of rockers

"With the sweater vest and the beard, Gunner looks like a lumberjack going to church."
- Tom Griswold

"Since I got my grills done I'm smiling even when I'm angry. I smile like the Cleveland Indian."
- Guy Torry on having his teeth done

"My pee is okay."
- Tom on accidentally dropping his cell phone in the toilet

"Life and I don't always get along."
- Tom Griswold on asking a lot of questions and being skeptical

"You can't play grab-ass unless you're naked."
-Chick McGee

"Here's a quote I want on the page; 'Tom is a douche bag'"
- Bob Kevoian

"Have you ever notice that when you talk about Segways it's hard to transition into another topic?"
- Tom Griswold making a joke about the homonyms Segway and segues

"I got a Snuggie the other day; the blanket with sleeves. Finally, a uniform for depression."
- Pat Dixon

Kelly Is Funny
Former radio host turned stand-up comedian Kelly Terranova bills himself as "The Worlds only vegetarian NASCAR fan," and while we don't know that to be true, we can say it's a good description of the type of comedy you'll get when you go out to his shows. The likelyhood that Terranova has performed near you is pretty good considering he's played in over 500 venues nationwide. And if you haven't seen him live you might have caught him on CMT's Comedy Stage.

Now What
Would You Pay?
Have you ever been watching TV and been sucked into a show that looked an awful lot like a commercial, only to be pitched a product that could change your life forever?  If the answer is yes, you’ve just been witness to one of televisions most prominent form of programming, Infomercials.  They are part talk show part commercial, and almost always entertaining in the way they try to convince you to buy things you never even knew you needed.  Author and editor of cityfile.com, Remy Stern has fallen victim to these unbelievable offers which is why he now owns a pasta maker, a vegetable juice, and a set of books that assured him he’d be a millionaire in less than a month.  In his new book But Wait… There’s More, Stern gives his take on infomercials, home shopping and the American way of life.

The Ultimate Frequent Flyer
Some people try hypnosis, other's try meditation, and some resort to good old fashioned pills, but Mark Malkoff had a different strategy for getting over his fear of flying, he was going to spend the entire month of June on an Airplane. From June 1 to June 30th, this writer and comedian flew on 134 AirTran flights around the country, never entering an airport and sleeping on the planes at night. In doing so, he not only set an aviation record, he also set a Guinness Book World Record. But this is nothing new for Malkoff, he's also made headlines for visiting all 171 Starbucks in Manhattan in one day and lived in an IKEA store for an entire week.

The Biggest Name in Comedy
Strange laws, cliches, poker hands, holidays and famous quotes are just a few of the topics comedian Costaki Economopoulos has covered over the past year in his weekly Economonologue segment. We never know exactly what he'll be calling in to talk about, but we can safely assume it's going to be funny. Because if it isn't, we'll start having Caroline Rhea call in instead.

Vague But True
For longer than we can remember comedian Tim Bedore has been joining us each Wednesday to deliver an editorial in which he talks about whatever happens to be on his mind. These musings can range from his relationship with his daughter, to hot topics in the news, and even updates on how the animal kingdom is waging war on mankind.

The Best of BOB&TOM - Independence Day!
The month of June has come to an end which means we can finally and officially kick off the summer months with one of the biggest parties of the year, Independence Day! Fourth of July weekend is a time to get together, shoot of fireworks, have cookouts, and enjoy the weather, but as this week's best of audio demonstrates, all that fun can come at a price. Heed the warnings our good friends below, so that you too can enjoy a safe, and probably drunken, Independence Day.

Fourth of July PSA - Donnie Baker
Pam's Fourth of July PSA
Short Fuse Fireworks - Sid & Bart
Two Thumbs Up - Tim Cavanagh
Three-Finger Fireworks - The Love Brothers
Fireworks Safety Video - Ernie Furglar

Find BOB&TOM on TV
The BOB&TOM TV Show airs each weeknight at Midnight ET on WGN America. To find out where that station falls on your TV dial, click here and type in your zip code. You can also catch a bonus encore episode of the show each Saturday at noon.